There is something strange about the pain of losing someone whom you never knew. You did not know them at all and yet, it felt like you knew them so much. They influenced your life in so many little ways and made up such a big part of it without you ever realising.
I remember when the news of Chester Bennington’s passing had broken. The existence of Linkin Park had been pushed somewhere into the obscure recesses of my brain, and when that news broke, it resurfaced, like that mole from carnival games.
Matthew Perry embodied Chandler Bing like his own second self. We fell in love with his impeccable sense of humour, we fell in love with his astute sarcasm, we fell in love with his bromance with Joey, we fell in love with his romance with Monica. We fell in love with the way he loved.
The news of Matthew’s passing was the first thing I read when I woke up in the morning. After that I went about my day as usual. I had my breakfast, I had my bath, I sat down to study for the vivas, nestled in with my cat. I decide to scroll down my feed and look at it taken over by the news. There was a tinge of pain somewhere in me which nibbled away at my thoughts. But it had no expression.
I look around and life seems to be going on, just as it’s supposed to. And yet, everything has changed. The pain may have been stifled but that did not mean it was gone.
I recall that it was many days after Chester had passed that I dared to go back and listen to Linkin Park again. It had taken only one note of music to hit my eardrums and the memories came flooding in. Nostalgia slapped me in the face and my sorrow, suddenly, found its conduit.
I can’t watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S any more in the same way; with his passing, there’s a part of me which has disappeared too. It will take time.
Perhaps, a few weeks down the line, when I actually come to terms with it, I will sit down and tune into the show. Maybe then, as the familiar laughing track laughs away after a stunning one liner by Chandler Bing, my sorrow, too would ebb away. One teardrop at a time.
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