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Metal Hammer
Metal Hammer
Entertainment
Jason Brow

"The line in the sand is whether or not you think for yourself." They dress like cowboys, make insane post-hardcore and might be the best new band you hear this year. Meet Ireland's Uncultivates

Uncultivates press image.

Uncultivates dressing like cowboys while being from Ireland only makes sense if you don’t think about it. It’s even easier if you just don’t believe it.

“The fake news that we’re from Cork will not be tolerated,” says bassist Col. Goon. “It’s not true. We’re strong Texan men, as you can clearly see, sir.”

Our songs are given to us in dreams by Chelsea, a hobbyhorse

Dr. Eli Gravedigger

The band dress in the best Western finery, but they don’t play bluegrass. Their debut album, This Will Become Clear Later, Like the French Revolution, unleashes a blistering rodeo of intricate post-hardcore (dubbed ‘yee-hardcore’) that hits like a shot of 140% proof whiskey. The chaser? Humour and charisma, myth and lore.

“Lots of these songs are given to us in dreams by Chelsea, a hobbyhorse,” explains vocalist Dr. Eli Gravedigger.

Chelsea’s gospel preaches the inescapable despair of blue-collar life in I Am Your God, Your Father And Your Boss; how even the Lord of the Dance faces his mortality on Flatley; and that Hell is getting cornered by a “Joe Rogan apostle” while he spouts “facts about gorillas”.

That song, Every Day I Wake Up On The Bonnet Of A Different Car, was not “an attack on Mr Rogan,” says Dr. Eli,” but on apostles that follow him–”

“–and force every thought they’ve ever been told to think down your ear holes at 4am,” adds Col. Goon.

The album is full of riffs as tasty as a Southern barbecue, breakdowns meaner than a hungover rattlesnake and melodies as sweet as the Texan sky at night. But don’t take Uncultivates’ word for it. Seriously.

“I think the line drawn in the sand, so to speak, is whether or not you think for yourself, sir,” says Col. Goon. “We probably would not be in this position if we thought things through.” Yeehaw, indeed.

This Will Become Clear Later, Like The French Revolution is out now via Horsebox

IN SHORT

SOUNDS LIKE: Getting into a bar fight you know you’re going to lose
FOR FANS OF: Mclusky, Party Cannon, Gay For Johnny Depp
LISTEN TO: Every Day I Wake Up On The Bonnet Of A Different Car

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