EVANS HELP US
When The Fiver heard that trigger-happy Nasty Leeds owner Massimo Cellino had fired Uwe Rösler after just 12 matches in charge, we were not hugely surprised. Since taking over the club 18 months ago, the Italian has swung his Big Axe O’P45 on five different managers – just 31 fewer than he sacked in his 22 years as owner of Italian club Cagliari. But when we heard Rösler’s successor was likely to be a purple-faced, belligerent and foul-mouthed Scotsman with a long history of disciplinary problems prompted by his often offensive behaviour, we were a mite surprised. Could Lord Ferg really be coming out of retirement? To take over at Nasty Leeds?
Er … no and no are the answers to those particular questions, as the purple-faced, belligerent, foul-mouthed Scotsman with a long history of disciplinary problems prompted by his often offensive behaviour in question is Steve Evans, the recently departed Rotherham manager and purple-faced, belligerent and foul-mouthed Scotsman other purple-faced, belligerent and foul-mouthed Scotsmen go and stand beside when they want to look the very personification of whey-faced serenity and calm.
To say the handful of Nasty Leeds fans the Fiver canvassed (translation: going by what we read on The Square Ball forum) regarding Evans’s imminent appointment were underwhelmed would be quite an understatement, as most were emphatically against him getting the gig, voicing their displeasure in the strongest possible terms. Decidedly salty terms The Fiver is unwilling to reproduce in a family football email. That said, while we feel their pain, we did at least get a chuckle from one breezy optimist who pointed out that at least Evans isn’t Neil Warnock.
On his most recent visit to Elland Road, Evans pitched up on the final day of last season with Rotherham wearing flip-flops, shorts, a T-shirt and sombrero, honouring a promise he’d made to fans that he’d turn up in his beachwear if the Millers had secured their Championship status. For all his well-documented charm “issues”, Evans did at least raise a few quid for charity in the process, which suggest that beneath his extremely gruff exterior beats a heart of … well, a heart. “I used to hate him because he is a fighter,” said Cellino of his next victim, who took training at Thorp Arch on Monday morning. “I didn’t like playing against him because he gives his teams his personality. He’s a tough coach and I want that character in our team. He manages with passion and our team has not been playing with passion. I wanted them to play heavy rock-football but instead it was like country music.”
The Lemmy to Rösler’s Lefty Frizzell, Evans has enjoyed some success as a manager, narrowly and famously avoiding a spell in the Big House for tax-knack after helping Boston United cheat their way into the Football League in 2002. More recently and honestly, he masterminded back-to-back promotions into the Championship for Rotherham, the club he left without explanation last month. Now his sunny disposition will be rendering the floodlights at Elland Road redundant, as he attempts to lift his new club from the Championship doldrums and return them to their rightful place in the Premier League and Big Cup. Considering his volatile temperament and that of his new employer, Nasty Leeds fans could be forgiven for thinking that this is another managerial appointment that won’t end well. But if nothing else they can at least console themselves with the thought that it will end soon.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I find it difficult to agree with those who think our local based players are not qualified to be playing for the Black Stars. Our coach is a lazy man, he shouldn’t be talking like that he even doesn’t watch matches and can’t identity talents” – Welbeck Yaw Abrah-Appiah, chairman of Ghana’s Premier League Board, gets off the fence in regards to national manager Avram Grant.
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Amy Lawrence crowbars the word ‘handbrakey’ into this Big Cup preview video for Arsenal v Bayern Munich.
FIVER LETTERS
“Once in a while something – but definitely not The Fiver – makes me laugh. This month it was Nasty Leeds’ latest manager to do one, Uwe Rösler, when he said: ‘I didn’t see that coming at all.’ Brilliant” – Jimbob Baron.
“I was relieved to read in Big Paper this weekend that Amazon are sparing Fiverr – clearly not in any way related to The Fiver – legal proceedings for being a medium that facilitates misleading, inaccurate and biased reviews. I’m sure this case hasn’t passed unnoticed by the lawyers who seem to frequent Fiver Towers so often, however, just who could be mislead by The Fiver, I’m not sure” – Ruaidhri Farrell.
“While checking out Jonathan Wilson’s back catalogue I came across the number of his contributions [at the bottom of this page – Fiver Ed]. Perhaps now we know where this ‘floating brain in a jar’ gets his supernatural recall of eastern European results and his love of the Black Cats” – Nick Crossley.
“Peter Worley (Friday’s Fiver letters) can do one. The Liverpool manager’s unsuccessful signings, out on a group retail therapy session, lose their temper when a John Coltrane lookalike assistant in their favourite high street store fumbles a sought-after retro classic jumper; they exact revenge by forcibly cutting his hair and, infuriated by mindless musical dross, smashing the PA system: Klopp Flops’ Top Shop Crop Top Drop Strop: Lop Be-bop Mop, Stop Pop. Meanwhile, Stoke’s manager boasts of a practical joke perpetrated in the Chelsea dressing room, takes a broadsword to the lavatory and sets up a fermentation of hops, barley and pure Staffordshire water before launching a civil suit against a defunct London evening paper. Hughes Ruse: Screws Blues’ Shoes, Hews Loos, Brews Booze, Sues News. Nothing on Sam Allardyce so far” – Alec McAulay.
“I opened my Fiver email fully expecting yet another discussion of the fascinating saga of those gifted mid-table teams Chelsea and Liverpool only to be pleasantly surprised to see Aston Villa mentioned in the lead paragraph (Friday’s Fiver). Ho ho, I exclaimed. Alas, you couldn’t keep up the pretence for long. Sure enough, we were back to the theme of which we never tire. Why not just rename the daily letter to ‘Liverpool and Chelsea, The Only Two Teams in the EPL’, subtitled ‘Who Really Gives a Fig?’ and be done with it?” – Dave Wilbur.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day is: Nick Crossley, who wins a copy of the Scottish Highland Football League Diary 2014-15, courtesy of these good people.
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BITS AND BOBS
Think dissing your manager is cool? Think again, especially if your name is Abdullah Qassem and you live in the UAE. The 29-year-old has been sentenced to three months in prison after insulting his national team manager Mahdi Ali in a video.
People are losing their jobs, unable to afford homes and having to feed their families from food banks but Yaya Touré is upset because the British press has not showered him with kisses and rainbows and love bubbles. “I often feel that I’m unhappy. A lot … Here, when it’s bad, they [British journalists] highlight the faults. When it’s good, they leave that in the dungeon,” he moaned.
When your luck’s out, it’s out.
Halmstad defender Mohammed Ali Khan has filed a police complaint over death threats he received after scoring an injury-time own goal against AIK that relegated his team. “Hate me, call me stupid things, lie about me. But don’t threaten me or my family,” said the Lebanon international. “[To] those threatening – a police car is waiting outside and guarding my children. Threatening my children’s lives is so inhuman and low.”
Juventus claim Liverpool got in touch during summer over the possibility of snapping up Claudio Marchisio, but the Italian club told them where to stick it. “We are used to buying – not selling,” sniffed a suit.
Lee Power’s surname clearly hasn’t gone to his head after sacking Swindon Town manager Mark Cooper and assuming temporary control of first-team affairs. “The chairman thought it was time to make a change and informed Mark of his decision on Saturday night after the defeat at Millwall,” Cellinoed a club statement.
Michel Platini reckons he’s the only one who can make Fifa the home of football again. Nope, we don’t believe him either. “Whenever I approach the sun, like Icarus, it burns everywhere,” he cooed.
Speaking of Fifa, Frankfurt’s state prosecutor is to look into bribery allegations concerning the 2006 World Cup after reports that a slush fund was used to buy votes for the German bid in 2000.
You know the way Liverpool are in need of a forward? Maybe they should have a look at this Dutch lad. Seems to know what he’s doing and has bags of experience.
And Joe Cole has told everyone who thinks he joined Coventry just so he has the moolah to buy a fat gold chain to wear on his neck that they go suck an egg. Kinda. What he actually said was: “If I was coming here for the money I wouldn’t be here … I just want to play football, regardless of the level, proper football, competitive football. I want to play for the right time and the right manager who plays the right way. I’m just excited to play a game.”
STILL WANT MORE?
There are 10 Sephirot in the Kabbalistic Tree of Life, there are 10 provinces in Canada and there are 10 talking points from the weekend’s Premier League action in this blog.
Paolo Bandini stopped sipping on an espresso and eating penne arrabiata long enough to jot down his thoughts on why he reckons this season could see Napoli take a decent shot at the Scudetto.
If you spent the weekend in a blue funk following Daniel O’Donnell’s exit from Strictly Come Dancing, then this roundup of the week’s best goals should put a smile back on your face. There’s probably a bigger question there, mind.
Harry Reardon has written about Steffen Freund, Tottenham Hotspur and the changing role of central midfielders so we didn’t have to. He’s good like that.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.
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‘THE DEVIL’S WHEEL REVOLVES BUT IT NEEDS TO BE RESET’
