A NATION AWAITS
By Friday morning, the nation will know. What awaits? The latest embarrassment for an ailing north London institution whose day is now long gone? Another fumble by a bumbling entity rather less than popular in Liverpool and thus the need for more dither and delay? A glorious throwback to the 1950s, when everyone had a job and the factories pumped out British-made goods and smoke to everyone’s heart’s content? A Scottish failure to impose on the grander stage?
Yes, it’s the final round of group games in Big Vase, living proof that the Fiver’s campaign to STOP FOOTBALL does not even hold water when the most important general election in recent history since the last most important general in recent history is taking place. Most of those representing Her Majesty the Queen on foreign soil in what henceforth also doubles as the Big Cup’s repechage competition have already booked themselves in for further travels in February by which time Boris Johnson has promised to … you know the rest.
Manchester United are through, which gives Ole Gunnar Solskjær the chance to play his embryos against AZ Alkmaar. Ethan Laird, Brandon Williams, Angel Gomes, James “The Rockford Files” Garner and Mason Greenwood are all likely to play a part as Paul Pogba’s return date is put back to January pending transfer tittle tattle.
Wolves face Besiktas with Nuno Espírito Santo also able to throw in the kids as his team have qualified. The club’s long exile from the European competition they practically invented by playing Honved in 1954 is at an enjoyable end, even if a mid-summer spent playing teams such as Norn Iron’s Crusaders and Armenia’s Pyunik Yerevan means that Thursday night at Molineux will be a 30th competitive match of the season.
The Queen’s Celtic breezed through their group ahead of their trip to Cluj so Neil Lennon can play the weans. The Pope’s O’Rangers’ progression is, though, in the balance with Wee Stevie’s men needing at least a point against Young Boys to be sure of making it through. Perhaps Stevie’s agreement in principle to extend his stay in glorious Govan can produce one of those famous European nights at Ibrox.
Which leaves Arsenal. As he awaits the exit poll at 10pm, perhaps Jeremy Corbyn may road-test his nerves by watching his beloved Gunners take on Standard Liège in an early evening kick-off from which Freddie Ljungberg’s legends can only go out if they lose by five or more goals and Eintracht Frankfurt beat Vitória. Surely not even this Arsenal could suffer such a fate. Should matters go awry later on in the evening, perhaps JC may reach for some nettle soup and homemade gooseberry jam, fire up the VHS player and draw succour from his favourite Arsenal moments of yesteryear.
If all else fails, there’s always the football.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“There were players like Figo, Zidane, Raúl, who were super professional. But I was watching others … I followed what I shouldn’t have followed. I’d go out thinking I was bigger than Beckham. I’d like to have had the chance to play for that Madrid team at 100%. I look back and think: ‘What a niñato I was.’ Someone should have got hold of me, given me a slap, said: ‘What are you doing?’” – Roberto Soldado gets his chat on with Sid Lowe about being a spoilt brat at Real Madrid, thriving at Granada and his son’s love for Harry Kane.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Poor old Kevin Carter (yesterday’s Fiver letters). Sounds like Marc Hageman stole the sun from his heart. But at least he seems to have a design for life, so why so sad? Perhaps he just feels everything must go?” – Nick Dent.
“I don’t know where Nick Livesey got his Optus subscription (yesterday’s Fiver letters) but in an attempt to prevent a rush of Antipodean Fiver readers to the door marked do one may I call out this flamin’ hyperbole and point out that an Optus Sport subscription is available for just $14.99 a month. And we get every PL and CL game live and on demand. STOP STOPPING FOOTBALL (Fiver reading optional)” – Steve Branch.
“Re: Vikki Allan’s comment about officiating a six-hour match on Mount Kilimanjaro (yesterday’s Quote of the Day). Yup, VAR really has changed the game everywhere” – Mike Wilner.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day is … Mike Wilner, who bags a copy of Tackled. We’ve still got more prizes to give away, so get scribbling.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
The Premier League has a new chief suit, making interim chief executive Richard Masters’ role permanent. Good luck with that.
Liverpool are closing in on a deal for RB Salzburg striker Takumi Minamino. “I can confirm there are talks with Liverpool at the moment. It is an honour to see the calibre of clubs who are interested in our players,” roared Salzburg’s sporting director Christoph Freund.
Manchester United are still chasing another big Salzburg star, Erling Braut Haaland, but the Austrian club’s caffeine-laced partners, RB Leipzig, and Borussia Dortmund are still ahead in the race.
Danny Rose has aimed an apparent dig at Tottenham chairman Daniel Levy, by questioning the extent of José Mourinho’s authority at the club. “Who says he’s in control?” sniffed the left-back when asked what it was like to have a manager of José’s standing at Spurs.
And Big Dunc will remain in the Everton dug-out for the trip to Manchester United on Sunday despite all the blether about David Moyes, Carlo Ancelotti and others.
STILL WANT MORE?
Rory Carroll and Henry McDonald on how years of greed and dysfunction at the heart of Irish football have come to head.
Duncan Ferguson and Andy Carroll might have each shown a decent short-term impact for a big man at the weekend but Paul Wilson wonders whether their old-fashioned ways are right for the long haul.
Talking of big men and Everton, the Rumour Mill churns out chat that Zlatan Ibrahimovic is on the club’s radar.
Barney Ronay digests the meaning of the Champions League’s full English as the superclubs march on.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
