We’ve come a long way since 1978. That was the year then prime minister James Callaghan, daringly dropped a pop culture reference into his speech to the Trades Union Congress, addressing rumours he would be calling a general election.
“Remember what happened to Marie Lloyd,” the prime minister told his audience. “She fixed the day and the date, and she told us what happened. As far as I remember it went like this: ‘There was I, waiting at the church.’ Perhaps you recall how it went on. ‘All at once he sent me round a note. Here’s the very note. This is what he wrote: “Can’t get away to marry you today, my wife won’t let me.”’ Now let me just make clear that I have promised nobody that I shall be at the altar in October. Nobody at all.”
I was a child when that speech was on the news, but I remember the laughter of the TUC delegates. And I remember being baffled. My dad explained that the prime minister had been quoting an old song. In fact, Waiting at the Church dated back to 1906 (and it was actually not sung by the risqué music hall star Marie Lloyd, but by the less famous Vesta Victoria). No wonder I didn’t know it.
These days, though, politicians tend to cite lyrics more likely to befuddle an older generation than a younger one. And so on Wednesday, during prime minister’s questions, David Cameron and Labour MP Kerry McCarthy traded insults based on Smiths songs. It began with Cameron addressing Jeremy Corbyn: “‘As someone about to enter the political graveyard, perhaps I could misquote my favourite man and say, ‘let’s meet at the cemetery gates.’” McCarthy told Cameron that if he were digging out his copy of The Queen Is Dead, then I Know It’s Over should be his choice of song, while Labour would stick with There Is a Light That Never Goes Out. Cameron responded with a misquote that was just wrong, rather than deliberate: “I was interested that the Labour party’s favourite Smiths song is There Is a Light That Never Goes Out, because it actually involves a double suicide. I think the lyrics are: ‘If a double decker bus crashes into us, there’s no finer way than by your side.’ I think.”
Well done, everyone! However, it turns out the Smiths have a lyric for all the major players in the current political crisis, regardless of their party affiliation. So expect to hear these lines cropping up over the next few days, as everyone tries to work out what has happened and how to deal with it …
“I’ve seen this happen in other people’s lives, and now it’s happening in mine.” Boris Johnson – That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore
“You’ve got everything now, and what a terrible mess I’ve made of my life … A friendship sadly lost? Well this is true, and yet it’s false.” Boris Johnson (to Michael Gove) – You’ve Got Everything Now
“All men have secrets and here is mine, so let it be known we have been through hell and high tide – I can surely rely on you. And yet you start to recoil, heavy words are so lightly thrown. I stole and then I lied just because you asked me to, but now you know the truth about me you won’t see me anymore.” Boris Johnson (to Michael Gove) – What Difference Does It Make?
“How can they look into my eyes and still they don’t believe me? How can they hear me say those words and still they don’t believe me.” Michael Gove, to those suggesting he had decided to run for the Tory leadership earlier than Thursday night – The Boy With the Thorn in His Side
“Dreams have a knack of just not coming true, and time is against me now.” Boris Johnson – Accept Yourself
Typical me, typical me, typical me. I started something, and now I’m not too sure.” Boris Johnson – I Started Something I Couldn’t Finish
“No more apologies. No more apologies. I’m too tired. I’m so sick and tired.” 172 Labour MPs to Jeremy Corbyn – What Difference Does It Make?
“You shut your mouth, how can you say I go about things the wrong way? I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does.” Jeremy Corbyn to 172 Labour MPs – How Soon Is Now
“A jumped up pantry boy, who never knew his place.” David Cameron (on Michael Gove) – This Charming Man
“Don’t feel bad for me, I want you to know: deep in the cell of my heart I will feel so glad to go.” David Cameron – Asleep
“Hand in glove, the sun shines out of our behinds. Yes, we may be hidden by rags, but we’ve something they’ll never have.” Jeremy Corbyn – Hand in Glove
“I need advice, I need advice, because nobody ever looks at me twice.” Andrea Leadsom, the “who’s she?” Tory leadership candidate, recruits a campaign manager – Miserable Lie
“I decree today that life is simply taking and not giving, England is mine – and it owes me a living. Ask me why and I’ll spit in your eye.” Nigel Farage – Still Ill
“When you say it’s gonna happen now, well what exactly do you mean? See I’ve already waited too long.” Nigel Farage, on invoking Article 50 – How Soon Is Now
“I know I’m unloveable. You don’t have to tell me. Oh, message received loud and clear.” Nigel Farage – Unloveable
“A rush and a push and the land that we stand on is ours, it has been before, so it shall be again.” Nigel Farage – A Rush and a Push and the Land Is Ours
Good times for a change. See, the luck I’ve had can make a good man turn bad. So please, please, please let me, let me, let me, let me get what I want this time.” Theresa May – Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want
“Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking when I said I’d like to smash every tooth in your head. Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking when I said by rights you should be bludgeoned in your bed.” British negotiators to the EU when trying to secure access to the single market – Bigmouth Strikes Again
“Panic on the streets of London … I wonder to myself: could life ever be sane again?” Bank of England governor, Mark Carney – Panic
“With the drive, the ambition and the zeal I feel, this is my time.” Sarah Vine, Michael Gove’s wife – I Won’t Share You
