Oh God, I thought David Brent had knocked all this "but it's for CHARIDEE" self-promotion nonsense on its head years ago, but apparently not. Yes, it's Children in Need time again.
Watch as overpaid idiots puff their projects, show off, then ask you for money, even though you've already paid your taxes and your licence fee and only wanted a bit of R'n'R at the end of the working week. Well, you're going to get Terry Wogan and some glittery wombats yelping at you for nine hours instead. Hey, celebrities, why don't you all just give up cocaine and donate the savings from that?
It's always hard to tell what's worse in Children in Need. Is it the bit where newsreaders dress as prossies ("puffed up show-offs in showing-off shocker" - well, who'd have Kaplinskied it?) Or is it the bit where other celebrities put on their bestest Radio 4 voices, tilt their heads and talk about how YOU could be improving children's lives, rather than sitting at home weeping into your Maltesers.
Of course I wouldn't mind, but every year they trumpet how Children in Need is more and more successful. But all anyone has to do these days is pick up a paper to be reminded that, actually, 2006 seems to be the International Year of Killing the Kids (your own, Iraqi ones, premature ones - take your pick).
Oh, well. At least Emma Bunton (you know, the professional dancer off that amateur dance show) is singing Downtown. So that's all right then.
