Hawthorn (1995-2006)
Those pondering the bleakness of Hawthorn’s current plight would do well to remember their other post-golden-era tumble, when the glory-filled Jeans era of the 1980s gave way to the lost years and near-merger of the mid-1990s. Pride comes not only before a fall, but also the recruitment of Simon Crawshay.
And Brendan Krummel. Remember him? Does he have a son? Maybe Hawthorn can draft him with one of the late draft picks they’ll now have to content themselves with since trading away all their first and second round ones. Poor Brendan Krummel. Not only did he lob at the Hawks as they moved away from success and entered a period of crushing lows and intense soul-searching, he got poleaxed by Byron Pickett (see below).
Anyway, at the risk of merely listing a heap of entrants from the “Mediocre AFL footballers of the 1990s” Facebook page (Mark Bunn, Simon Minton-Connell, and Haydon Kilmartin are mainstays over there), looking back through Hawthorn’s 1990s “dark years” is actually informative, and gives you even less reason to feel sorry for Hawks fans. Was it really that bad? They made the finals in ‘92, ‘93 and ‘94, and still struggled for members. Within a few years of their near-extinction they were playing in the 2001 finals. If Krummel and Crawshay are as bad as it gets, you’re not doing too bad.
Melbourne (1965-1986)
Back in the 1950s and 60s, before equalisation was a word applied to, well, anything, the only way to bottom out a dynastic football team was a plain old curse, as per that suffered by Melbourne following the departures of their golden era gods – coach Norm Smith and star captain Ron Barassi.
We all know this tale of woe but the numbers remain eye-popping: having scooped six premierships in 10 seasons between 1955 and 1964 (five of them in a six-year period of almost total dominance), the Dees failed to make the finals again until 1987. Imagine the quiet arrogance of Melbourne supporters at the start of the 1965 season, when the club won their first eight games on the bounce. Take another flag, shall we? Little did they know the Dees would win only two of their next 10 games, miss the finals, and not return for 22 years. Goodbye Barass, hello Barry Norsworthy.
Of all the great football teams to fall into a death spiral at the end of their swaggering era of domination, only Melbourne’s fall from grace could prompt an entire Wikipedia section labelled: “1965-1986: Decades of disappointment”. They’ve had their moments since: John Northey’s nearly-there finals runs of 1987/88; the Lyon/Viney/Jakovich thrill-seekers of 1990/1991; the Neitz/Yze/Farmer/Woewidin grand finalists of 2000. But 53 years is certainly a decent commitment to falling short.
Adelaide (1999-2000)
The mere mention of Adelaide football club at the turn of the century is likely to prompt fearful thoughts: a marauding Darren Jarman tearing Jamie Shanahan limb from limb; Andrew McLeod and Mark Riciutto slicing through the midfield and onto the premiership dais; Malcolm Blight being brilliant instead of bonkers; Nigel Smart punching another spoil into row Z.
What we tend to forget is the bit immediately following the Crows’ 1997-98 premiership triumphs, when it all went pear-shaped very quickly – the part for which you have to consult AFL Tables. Then you start to chuckle, and remember them plummeting their way down the ladder and into the Ayres era.
In fairness, Adelaide basically came from nowhere to win both of those flags, so some kind of drop-off was understandable, but there was a big difference between looking down the spine of the ground and seeing Smart, Rod Jameson Shaun Rehn, Matthew Robran and Darren Jarman, and spying a team sheet containing names like Bryan Beinke, Ian Downsborough, David Gallagher, Darryl Wintle and Lucas Herbert.
By the time the 1999 season had finished off Blight’s Adelaide coaching career, the Crows had gone from top of the pile to 13th and the barely any of their losses were unlucky; eight of them came with margins of six goals or greater, following a remarkable scoring drop-off of 27%. They’d rise again, of course, but not under Blight or his successor.
St Kilda (1976-1991)
We’re talking in relative terms here, but by 1974 St Kilda had featured in 10 finals series in the previous 14 years, which qualified the period as the club’s halcyon days. No, they were not technically a great side at any stage in that time, but they’d been consistently very good for a prolonged period for the first moment in their history. Their 1966 premiership was a sporting miracle, and they probably should have pinched a few more. The club’s new home at Moorabbin was pumping. The good times were rolling. All was in place for sustained success for Melbourne football’s bayside superpower.
Hmm, maybe not. If there is an image that defines the wilderness period between the pointy end of 1973, when the Saints held firm in the old top five, and 1991, when they next played finals football, it was seen in bold letters at the base of the old Moorabbin scoreboard in so many team photographs of the 1980s: “SAINTS DISCO EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT”.
By then Allan Jeans had moved on to Hawthorn to create a truly great football side, winning everything in sight. Ian Stewart left for Richmond, then South, then Carlton – anywhere but St Kilda. So in came flare-panted Mike Patterson, clapped-out Jezza, tyrannical Tony Jewell, Wacko Jacko, grim Graeme Gellie, and an era of recruitment to make Richmond’s 2004 draft intake look prudent. And to think St Kilda can’t wait to get back to Moorabbin, their “spiritual home”...
Brisbane (2005-present)
Though their post-premiership slump was arguably the most dramatic of any team on this list, Brisbane are a bit of an outlier here. Other sides recruited particularly badly, made terrible trades, went broke, or fell victim of curses. Brisbane’s nosedive after the three-peat of 2001-2003 came about in part because the game actually passed them and their coach by; they were the last great hard-nosed, man-on-man, play-your-position, old school football team we saw. And boy, weren’t they magnificent?
Which brings us to...
Essendon (2005-2010)
If Leigh Matthews’s Brisbane were the last great football side who also imposed themselves physically to a level unmatched by their opposition (sorry Hawks supporters, one Luke Hodge does not maketh a gang), Essendon’s 1999-2001 sides shouldn’t be forgotten for the braun that complemented their brains. Imagine breaking from the team huddle and running across to match up on any of Dean Wallis, Dustin Fletcher, Damien Hardwick, Mark Johnson, Dean Solomon, Paul Barnard, Sean Wellman, Jason Johnson or Gary Moorcroft in their pomp. You’d rather be head-locked by Plugger; at least he couldn’t catch you again once you’d broken free.
It barely warrants repeating that Essendon missed premiership chances either side of their near-perfect campaign of 2000, but what followed was a fascinating tale in the cult of personality. The Bombers didn’t drop off the face of the earth entirely in the 2002-2004 period, finishing fifth, eighth and eighth, respectively, but when the plummet arrived it came with shockwaves still being felt now; the eternal search for another Messianic figure.
You forget how long Kevin Sheedy’s denouement dragged on. His side had as many wins (21) in the 2000 regular season as they would in his entire last three seasons in charge. For opposition fans, the demise of Sheedy’s Bombers was a time for jacket-waving, marshmallow-throwing, and much ner-ner-ner-ner-ner’ing. But by the time he was pensioned off, the coach’s CV bulged with four premierships from 634 games in charge – spread across a three-decade reign as the club’s larger-than-life figurehead and football spirit animal. You’d take that.
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