They should have had the balls to call it Downton Hotel. C’mon, we’re all grown-ups here!
But ITV has been coy and called their replacement for the late, lamented (especially by all the monkeys who typed the scripts) Downton Abbey The Halcyon instead. It is set – sensibly, given the title – in the Halcyon hotel. This is a hotel in London. During the war. It is produced by the people behind The Crown, so it looks gorgeous. There are lots of characters, even more plot and everything so far is immensely enjoyable, especially if you finish off any prosecco left over from New Year’s Eve as you go.
So, I hear you cry as you pour the first glass, what have we got?
Well, my dears, what HAVEN’T we got?! New sets, new period (we open in 1940) and a new cohort of monkeys. We have Steven Mackintosh as unflappable hotel manager, Richard Garland, and we have Lord Hamilton (owner of the Halcyon) as Alex Jennings – no, wait, reverse that – with whom he shares some as yet unidentified Dark Secret. I don’t know who’s playing the Dark Secret yet, but I’m hoping for Maggie Smith.
Most of Lord H’s other secrets are clearly identified – our first sight of him is during a busy discussion of pro-appeasement measures in the back room of the hotel with his lordly pals, in between being thoroughly appeased himself by his official mistress, Charity Lambert (Charity Wakefield, whose platinum wig should have got separate billing) and the hotel chanteuse Betsey Day. (Betsey Day! Give that monkey an extra peanut!) Day is played with pathological pertness by Kara Tointon. Lord H’s wife is an elegantly distraught Olivia Williams, who is aware of everything and hates her husband and Richard in equal measure. “If it were up to me you’d be out of a job,” she tells him. “Then I’m very glad that it is not up to you,” he replies, as another monkey slumps exhausted to the floor and is immediately replaced by a fresh one brimming with energy and good for another six pages. “I shall remember that,” she says. You can practically hear the new monkey slamming the return home in triumph. Gosh, I hope Lord Hamilton doesn’t die of a heart attack before the end of the episode and leave Richard vulnerable to an exquisite revenge by Lady H!
MEANWHILE – meaningful looks are being exchanged between Richard’s daughter Emma and the firstborn Hamilton twin Freddie (oh yes – TWINS! Freddie is in the RAF and splendid. The other one’s called Toby and a dweeby disappointment to his father, as Tobys so often are). But of course there can be no QUESTION of a RELATIONSHIP because SHE’S on the reception desk and HE’S going to be a lord someday and inherit Downton Abbey, probably. Again, I hope Lord Hamilton doesn’t die of a heart attack, making Freddie the head of the family and queering their love pitch yet further!
MEANWHILE ALSO – a black musician called Sonny Sullivan (Sope Dirisu) fancies Betsey too, so that love across the race divide can alternate with love across the class divide and the actors can syncopate their tea breaks accordingly.
MEANWHILE ALSO – there is an inquisitive American, Joe O’Hara (Matt Ryan), who turns out to be a radio journalist. Joe has a chat with Toby, who gladly reveals that his father’s mistress made a lot of influential friends during “her time in Munich” (no other details, wonderfully, available), and then broadcasts Lord Hamilton’s perfidy across his home nation. First rule of journalism, people – always find a resentful second-born twin if you can. It makes your job SO much easier.
Most UK papers’ editors are close friends of Lord Hamilton so don’t run the story but – grr! Shake your fist! – the Telegraph has a new man; Mr Briggs intends to splash Nazi Shame of the Halcyon! All over the front page!
GASP!
Richard rides to the rescue. The secret brotherhood of hotel managers sends him a whisper on the wind and soon he is inviting Mr Briggs for a quiet word and some acting with cigarettes. He reminds the editor of 90 minutes he spent with a woman at the Savoy, and knows he can count on the man’s discretion from now on.
THEN! You won’t believe this – Lord Hamilton only goes and has a heart attack and dies! Everyone does their best face acting. Hands go to mouths, eyes fill with grief and expressions grimly acknowledge that Truly The Old Order Is Changing, What? As Lady Hamilton pauses on the steps of the hotel to stare with narrowed eyes at Richard, the sound of air raid sirens fills the air. It’s almost like the war within the hotel mirrors the one without! Tune in next week for more excellent shenanigans! DON’T FORGET THE BOOZE.
