Monday
Paul O'Grady, 5pm, C4
Guests include the second most famous Australian after Kylie, creator of hastily executed art and inventor of the stylophone Rolf Harris.
Tuesday
Paul O'Grady, 5pm, C4
Twinkle-toed John Sergeant, the people's John Travolta, plus the increasingly ubiquitous Piers Morgan stop by.
The Tonight Show, 11pm, CNBC
Obama will be a tough act to follow, but the acerbic Simon Cowell is not lacking in confidence. He and comedian Chelsea Handler (let's just say subtlety is not her middle name) join Jay Leno.
Wednesday
Richard & Judy, 6pm, Watch
Alan Whicker, the dapper doyen of TV globetrotters, dons his blazer and raises an eyebrow. He's 83, you know.
Thursday
Richard & Judy, 6pm, Watch
Piers Morgan is the gift that keeps on giving this week, although they may have to widen the doors to fit his ego in.
The Graham Norton Show, 10pm, BBC2
Wholesome tween star Zac Efron and laydees man David Walliams join Graham, who somehow manages to be outrageously rude without upsetting his guests.
The Justin Lee Collins Show, 10pm, ITV2
Lionel Ritchie pops in to say hello, and will be doing most of the heavy lifting tonight.
Friday
Friday Night With Jonathan Ross, 10.35pm, BBC1
Lord luv a duck, it's EastEnders' Barbara Windsor and Larry Lamb, stopping by for some chirpy cockney banter with Jonathan, while Rhys Ifans struggles to get a word in edgeways. Pete Doherty is scheduled to make an appearance too. What could possibly go wrong?
Sunday
Piers Morgan's Life Stories, 10pm, ITV2
Piers pulls off the talk show trifecta, this time as host, with guest Ulrika-ka-ka.
