So that’s IT for Sport Relief Bake Off 2016 – it’s been a blast as ever, so thank you to everyone who has popped by for a read, or to be very funny and clever in the comment box – I’m on Twitter @heidistephens if you want to say hello.
I’ll be back in the summer to liveblog the main GBBO series, but in the meantime don’t forget it’s Eurovision: You Decide on Friday (BBC4 7.30pm), where we’ll exercise our democratic right to choose which lamb we send to the Stockholm Euro-slaughter on 14th May. Will be fun, so please come and join in with the liveblog. Cheers, Hx
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So who will win the Star Baker apron? Probably should be Morgana, but could be Ade on the basis of that Showstopper.
And this week’s Star Baker is…ADE! He looks really quite chuffed. Poor Morgana, should have done an Impressionist Elvis. I’m not sure Will’s hands will ever be a normal colour again.
Time for the judges’ verdicts on tonight’s Showstoppers. Will’s is a bit of a mess, and a bit simplistic. This is a polite way of saying “what a shambles”. The cakes are a bit dry, and his tomato soup pancakes are completely raw. Alison’s hot water bottle looks lovely, but the cupcakes are a bit close-textured. Morgana’s Julie face looks great, and the cupcakes are beautifully baked.
Ade’s Cubist artwork of Cliff Richard is AMAZING. They all have a good flavour too, but who cares? He’s made Cliff Richard out of CAKE.
Will’s cake is starting to look like a crime scene. Ade is mounting his cakes on pegs, so they stand horizontal. How fancy is that?
Ade is worried that it’s not as stiff as when he’s at home, and he’s worried about it dripping off. Leave it, Heidi.
Icing time! Morgana has iced some rather fabulous orange hair, and Will appears to be shovelling it on like plaster. Alison’s fox has crumbled, and she’s stressing out. Wait, where does a fox fit in to a cat hot water bottle?
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Will can’t work out how to lay out the cakes to do the icing, suggesting he’s never actually done it before. Alison’s fondant hot water bottle looks quite tidy, but Will’s tomato-coloured icing looks more like fishpaste.
Ade’s cupcakes are all in neon shades, but Morgana’s are a bit flat. Never mind Morgana, you had a lovely set in the first challenge.
Morgana is worried about the judges’ lack of enthusiasm for coconut, so she’s changed the recipe to include lime. Will is chopping apples, and admitting he has no idea what he’s doing. I think we already knew that, Will.
Will’s tomato soup cupcakes have been in the oven for forty minutes, and still aren’t cooked. Basically he’s creating a tomato soup reduction in cupcake moulds.
Will is making three different cupcake flavours to recreate his biggest achievement – growing tomatoes last year. Not beating Gareth Gates to win Pop Idol, having four number one albums, winning various awards…but growing tomatoes. I’m not sure I could love Will more.
Morgana is making the face of Julie from House of Fools, the TV show she did with Vic and Bob. It’s quite coconut heavy, and Paul is worried they might taste like sun cream. At least there’s no dill.
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Ade is making seven different cupcake flavours, whilst Alison is only making one. She’s recreating a cat hot water bottle from a TV show she did in the 70s, Nuts in May. Okaaaay then.
Ade is making a Cubist cupcake model of Cliff Richard, to celebrate their Comic Relief version of Living Doll from the 1980s. You had to be there, really. Ask your mum.
So the first part of this is making lots of cupcakes. Will’s cupcakes contain tomato soup, which sounds hideous.
And finally, it’s time for this week’s Showstopper Challenge! Tonight they have to create a momentous life achievement out of cupcakes.
For the record, mine would be giving birth to my first child, rendered through the medium of tiny iced sponges. Mmm, yummy.
In fourth place - Will’s salmon flannel. Ade gets third, Alison second, and Morgana takes the win. Her lipstick is immaculate, I need to know where she gets it.
Judging time! Morgana’s looks immaculate, and has perfect spirals. Tastes great too - pretty much perfect from Morgana. Will’s is soaked through with spinach - Paul describes it as “smoked salmon wrapped around a flannel”, which is harsh (but fair). Ade has too much filling, but the flavour is good. Alison’s filling is uneven, but good flavour again. Still looks vile.
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Time to put the salmon and cream cheese mix on the cooked base and roll it up. Alison’s seems to be rolling quite well, as does Ade’s. Will’s is a bit flat, but Morgana’s looks lovely.
Roulades are coming out of the oven, and they all look like trays of troll bogies. I think I’ll pass, if it’s all the same. Morgana does a little dance after her roulade comes out of the tin cleanly; if she wins the technical, we may get a full ballet. She can’t get the greaseproof paper off, mind.
Will is smiling, because Will is always smiling. However his roulade looks like toxic waste.
Time to make the filling - mix creme fraiche with cream cheese and dill. Will hates dill, and I feel his pain. Even the smell of dill makes me heave, which is why I’ll never go to Russia. They put dill in everything.
The spinach mix gets folded into the egg whites, and it all goes in the oven. So it’s a spinach meringue, essentially *boaks*
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So first up, wilt the spinach and separate the eggs. There is whisking, and squishing of spinach. Will has left his soggy, which may not end well.
The roulade has spinach in it, so it’s all a bit colourful. Excellent 70s food, but not my cup of tea.
So who will shine in the Technical Challenge? This week’s task is a salmon roulade, which is like a fishy Swiss roll. A Swish Roll, if you will.
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Judging time! Alison’s pie isn’t full enough, and her pie has a soggy bottom. Morgana has a “very nice set”, says Mary, and Will starts guffawing. The filling is lovely, but the pumpkin seeds don’t add anything. Will’s pastry is a bit pale, and his meringue needs stipply. His pastry is more of a crumble, but the rhubarb filling tastes amazing, says Paul. Ade’s pie looks artistic, says Paul, and the creme pat is perfect. Good work, Ade.
Alison’s apple tart looks lovely, Ade’s fondant tiger is fabulous, and Will is just happy to have made something that looks vaguely like a pie.
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Will has a green pencil behind the ear, in a pop homage to Richard The Builder. Equally I’m keen to hear Richard’s cover of Light My Fire.
Ade isn’t happy with his pastry, it’s shrunk too much during blind bake. Morgana’s pastry has a hole in it, and Alison hasn’t bothered to blind bake hers at all. Everyone’s filling needs baking apart from Ade’s - he’s dying chocolate blue to make the sea, or something.
Ade is already on to his creme pat. Morgana is doing impressions, not sure if that was Joe Pasquale or Bruce Forsyth.
Will is making rhubarb and ginger pie with meringue on top. Paul asks him if he’s going to blind bake the pastry, and Will clearly doesn’t know what that means. He’s quite funny.
Meanwhile Ade is making marzipan, and gives Mary a curtsey. She does a girly squeal, and he’s clearly a shoo-in for the apron.
He’s making a pie with a tiger in a boat floating on a blueberry sea, in a homage to the book Life of Pi(e). He may peak too early, save the Showstopper until later.
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Morgana cooks a lot, but doesn’t really do pastry. She’s making a spicy pumpkin pie with butternut squash. So not a pie, and no pumpkin.
Alison is making French apple tart. See? NOT A PIE.
All our bakers are making sweet shortcrust pastry. Alison has never got her head around new-fangled machines, she’s making her pastry by hand. Will thinks his pastry doesn’t need water, and he is almost certainly wrong.
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Let’s kick things off with the Signature Challenge. This week our bakers have to create a sweet open-top pie. Wait, surely it’s not a pie if it doesn’t have a lid? I would argue strongly that a pie without a top is a tart, or maybe a flan, but definitely not a pie. Unless it’s got meringue on it, which technically counts as a lid.
Oh, apparently it’s the American way. That explains everything.
So, tonight’s celeb contestants: comedy legend and actor Ade Edmondson, alas no longer wearing his Count Rostov hat from War & Peace. Next up, legendary actress and all-round national treasure Alison Steadman, who I’m hoping will make at least one dish with Abigail’s Party cheese and pineapple.
Next, Pop Idol winner Will Young, who has built an actually-quite-credible musical career as Radio 2’s answer to Olly Murs. This is not a bad thing, by the way; I have seen Will live and he was really very good, honest.
And finally Morgana Robinson, who I have never heard of, but you can’t have everything.
And we’re off! Sarah Millican is in tonight’s presenter, wearing a slightly startling dress that makes her look like a fish tank that needs cleaning.
Evening all, and welcome to this week’s Sport Relief Bake Off liveblog! It’s the final show of the series tonight, with four more celebs hoping to showcase their baking prowess and take home the Star Baker apron. No sporting celebs in the tent tonight, but we DO have actress Alison Steadman (amazing), comedian Ade Edmondson (hilarious), singer Will Young (probably secretly brilliant, he has nice hands) and actor and comedian Morgana Robinson (?). Sarah Millican is presenting, so I have a good feeling in my bones that they may have saved the best until last.
I’ll be here from 8pm to keep tabs on all things baking; if you could add a sprinkle of brilliance in the comment box below, I would be most obliged. Rolling pins at the ready, and I’ll see you at 8!
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