Name: Ketchup.
AKA: Catsup, ketsup.
Age: In name, ketchup dates to the 17th century; in its present tomato-based form, to the early 19th.
Appearance: Cold and red.
Why cold? Because it has been in the fridge.
Don’t be silly. Nobody keeps ketchup in the fridge. I think you will find they do.
Since when? Since a poll conducted by Asda found that 53% of Britons prefer to store their ketchup in the refrigerator, while a mere 47% keep it in the cupboard.
A publicity stunt; it doesn’t mean keeping ketchup in the fridge isn’t wrong, which it is. I’m sorry, the people have spoken.
This is FAKE NEWS. Sad! You lost. Get over it.
But ketchup is a preserve; it has got vinegar, salt and sugar in it, so it will keep perfectly well at room temperature. Apparently ketchup used to have a lot more salt in it, but newer formulations are liable to spoil quicker.
Still, I could never love anyone who put ketchup in the fridge. You are not alone. The news has ignited a heated debate on social media about storing ketchup, akin to the one about whether or not you should keep eggs in the fridge. Or tomatoes.
No and no. Correct and correct. They are not quite the same as ketchup, though.
I am glad we sorted out all of society’s other problems, so we can just concentrate on this. It really comes down to personal preference. A surprising number of people like their ketchup cold.
It’s not about what people want. It is about what the ketchup wants. The ketchup says: “After opening, refrigerate and eat within eight weeks.”
Yeah, and this jumper says “Dry Clean Only”. So what? In response to the poll, Asda’s Clapham branch has now started stocking ketchup both on the shelf and in the chilled section.
Have they lost the plot? Just being conciliatory. “We can end the debate once and for all and give everyone what they want,” said a spokesperson.
But they are selling unopened ketchup! It makes no sense! If people buy more of it cold, then it makes sense to Asda.
Do say: “Don’t be pathetic, it is just a bit of mould.”
Don’t say: “Pop this ketchup into the cupboard, will you? Right between the milk and the chicken.”
