So that’s it for another week! Thank you very much for joining in - there’s one episode left next week, but alas I won’t be here, as I’m off skiing. However the lovely and splendid Vicky Frost(ing) will be putting on my liveblog pinny, so make sure you come back then. In the meantime you can find me on Twitter @heidistephens if you fancy saying hello. Cheers! Hx
So who will it be? Could be Sarah or Michael, poor David has been nudged out of the running.
And Star Baker goes to…MICHAEL! Well, that was a surprise. Poor Sarah, being calm and competent didn’t win the day, but as always she’s very lovely about it. And of course it’s all for charidee, so it doesn’t really matter.
Sarah’s pavlova is amazing, I want it. The flavours are lovely, but it has too much coconut. Is she ever not calm? David’s rocket is cracked, but that’s OK. Not sure about the grey, it looks like loft insulation. Jameela’s is less a palova and more a bunch of meringue nipples and a bowl of Eaton Mess. Jameela looks a bit gutted. Michael’s looks great, and Paul declares it to be “absolutely stunning”. Sheer perfection, says Mary. Can he steal Star Baker at the final hurdle?
Michael is drizzling his curd on top. It’s a bit runny. Writing that will never not feel wrong.
So in summary, Sarah’s looks amazing, David’s is massive, Jameela’s is a disaster and Michael’s is fab but possibly too little, too late. Time’s up!
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David’s meringue has a massive burn hole in it, and Jameela’s is so awful that she decides to mash it into an Eton Mess. Michael is very happy with his passion fruit cream, and his pavlova is actually looking really good. Not as good as Sarah’s though, which I would happily pay good money for.
Sarah is quietly slicing lemons whilst everyone around her panics. Jameela is piping pavlova kisses, which look lovely but I’m not sure she’s left enough time. Her worktop is a disaster, which I’m finding upsetting.
David’s baking technique is to copy everything Sarah does, although his meringues have risen so much he can’t get them out of the oven. Michael offers to help Jameela, so she throws peaches at him. Her meringues are both undercooked AND burnt.
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I’m very happy to see Sarah likes to clean up as she goes along, it’s a bit of an obsession of mine. Sarah can come and bake in my kitchen any time.
Jameela is perking up her pavlova with raspberries and cream, topped with baked peaches. Well that sounds bloody lovely, count me in.
Sarah is making a tropical meringue, whilst Michael is making a lemon pavlova with passion fruit cream. Paul is worried about his timing, but Mary is imparting useful advice.
Michael’s already got egg yolk in his meringue, whilst David is manhandling the sugar. Sarah is being competent, whilst Jameela has put oil instead of vinegar in her meringue.
David is making a rocket pavlova, with moons and stars for decoration. He’s dying his meringue grey, which sounds vile.
And finally, it’s time for the showstopper challenge! The frontrunners are David and Sarah, whilst Jameela and Michael are going to have to do something pretty special. The challenge is a 3-layer pavlova with fruit and cream.
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Jameela came last, Michael third and Sarah’s came second. Which means David’s pork/gala pies are the winner! Hooray!
Jameela’s gone for heavy garnish. Her eggs are wonky, and the pastry is too thick. Needed more seasoning, says Mary, but it would definitely pass as a pork pie. GALA PIE, Paul. Michael’s needed more egg, but they’re well baked underneath. Nice flavour, however. Sarah’s have got a bit of leakage, and they’re slightly underbaked. But there’s plenty of meat in there, which Mary likes. David’s egg has listed, but they taste very good.
So all told, not a bad effort.
Most of the pies look like pies, apart from Michael’s, which look like flumped custard tarts. God that was stressful.
Much pensive peering into ovens. “Mine are looking pallid” says Michael. “If it was a horse, you’d shoot it”.
“Shall I get mine out?” asks David. Not now, David, focus on the pies.
Sarah’s look nice and tidy as they go in the oven, whilst Jameela and David’s both look edible. Michael hasn’t got his lids on yet, and he eggwashes them while they’re in the oven.
I’ve never seen any of Michael’s films, I hope for his sake he can act.
Fillings are being chopped and mixed. Michael is trying to peel an onion with a potato peeler. Has he really NEVER peeled an onion?
“What’s a quail’s egg?”, asks Jameela. I’m enjoying her natural curiosity. It’s like having a toddler all over again.
Michael’s dough is like pancake batter, because he used too much lard. Meanwhile Jameela’s looks like something you’d concrete in fence posts with.
Nothing about Michael is happy. He’s no chef, that’s for sure.
Jameela has never even seen a pork pie, which seems unlikely. They’ve also popped a quail’s egg in the middle. Hang on, isn’t that technically a Gala Pie?
“What even is lard?” asks Jameela. What does it matter? Just bung it in.
Time for the technical challenge! This week it’s Paul’s recipe for six mini pork pies, made with hot water crust pastry. What could possibly go wrong?
Judging time! David’s are more Eton Mess than shortbread, but apparently they taste delicious despite looking hideous. Jameela’s look lovely, but the pastry is overworked so they’re too dry. Paul is choking. Sarah’s are very neat and tidy, and Mary declares them “smashing”.
Oh Michael, what a disaster. “I can sort of see the dragon” says Paul, kindly. They have the best flavour of the lot, however.
Meanwhile Michael’s shortbread looks less like Welsh dragons and more like a horrible mining accident.
Michael’s Welsh dragon icing is pink rather than red. Jameela’s and Sarah’s shortbreads both look good, so they crack on with fillings and piping. David’s strawberry jam is some kind of berry soup, so Sarah gives him some of hers. She’s lovely. Jameela has set fire to her baking parchment.
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Sarah talks us through her buttercream. David is struggling to sieve, because he’s stuck too much icing sugar in there and his bowl is too small.
And now he’s seen a single magpie. One for sorrow, David. You’ll be weeping over your shortbread by teatime.
Michael is worried about cutting out dragons, whilst Sarah is cutting in a competent manner. There is only half an hour left, and one of Michael’s dragon wings has fallen off. He hasn’t even baked them yet.
Michael is making a Welsh dragon shortbread, spiced up with ginger, cloves and cinnamon. Fillings and icing are being made, with mixed results.
Sarah is making red nose shortbreads with vanilla buttercream. They look yummy, and she seems very nice and stable and together. Where’s the fun in that?
Jameela has never handled butter before with her bare hands, which begs the question of what she has handled it with. She’s making orange shortbread, and Mary already knows it’s welded to the worktop. She quietly hands her a palette knife.
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Jameela is approaching the mixer like it might bite her, whilst Michael is going for a hand blender, because he’s old skool. You need to put the bowl ON the mixer, Jameela.
David is wrestling with a sieve. He’s making Victoria sandwich shortbreads, because his wife is called Victoria. See what he did there?
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Signature challenge – 24 identical shortbread with a touch of je ne sais quoi. So not just a shortbread finger, then.
Tonight’s bakers enter the tent. Michael is looking very smart. Sarah is a campaigner for global education, and nobody cares who she’s married to. I am already coveting Jameela’s fabulously glossy hair.
And we’re off! Jo Brand has locked up Mel and Sue so she can eat all the cake. I’d wait until they’ve finished baking first, there’s a good chance most of it will be inedible.
There’s Riverdancing on the One Show. Trouble with riverdancing is that when you’ve seen them dance in one river, you’ve seen them all. They’ve basically been doing the same routine since the Eurovision interval in 1994.
I suspect everyone might be watching the double A-side car crash that is the Brits this evening. Just me then *whistles*
Evening all, and welcome to this week’s Great Comic Relief Bake Off liveblog! Last week’s episode gave us rainbow cupcakes from Abbey Clancy, profiteroles-cum-Yorkshire puddings from Jonathan Ross, a spectacular Shard cake from Star Baker Gok Wan and a derelict beach hut from Zoella. This week is all about the charity baking skills of actor Michael Sheen, comedian David Mitchell, Radio 1 DJ Jameela Jamil (ask your kids), and education campaigner and wife-of-Gordon Sarah Brown.
It’s shortbread, pork pies and palovas this evening, under the beady eye of Jo Brand. I’ll be noting every limp crust and flumped meringue, so feel free to join me by being funny and excellent in the comment box below. Kick off is at 8pm, so I’ll see you then!
