So that’s it for tonight’s show! Join me next week at 8.30pm for some more celeb-tastic baking featuring Abbey Clancy, Gok Wan and Jonathan Ross. Thanks for all your funnies in the comment box, I’m off to calm down with a spot of Wolf Hall on BBC2, and I’ll see you next week! Hx
Jennifer is declared Star Baker, and there are big hugs all round. Well that was an absolute hoot, and worth £5 of anyone’s money.
There’s too much baking powder in Joanna’s cake, it’s burning Paul’s tongue. Lulu’s cake looks a bit sad, but any cake featuring grey icing is never going to look amazing. Also not much cake, but Mary declares it very nice. Dame Edna’s Sydney Opera House is all kinds of amazing, but her cake includes no chocolate and it’s a bit dry. I am crying with laughter. I can’t even.
Jennifer’s Soggy Bottomed Bed is totally ab fab – but then how can you go wrong with vodka buttercream?
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Things have rapidly descended into chaos. Jennifer’s fondant Edina looks like a corpse. Joanna’s cake is now about a walk in a winter park, with no Aurora Borealis in sight. Lulu’s record player has vaguely come together, but Dame Edna’s cake looks like the Sydney Opera House after an explosion.
Lulu attempts to level off her sponge, and the whole thing falls through the GIANT HOLE she’s rested it on. Joanna’s cake is raw in the middle, and she’s given up on the spun sugar as it looks like “pig’s nostrils”. Dame Edna is making meringues.
Lulu has started singing Sam Smith’s “Stay With Me”, but she only knows the one line. Poor Jennifer, she’s in hell.
Turns out that Joanna’s chocolate cake is actually full of coffee, so she’s having to start again. DISASTER.
Lulu is making a record player to celebrate the 50th anniversary of her hit single “Shout”. I’d have preferred an exploding cake for “Boom Bang A Bang”, personally.
Joanna is making the Aurora Borealis in cake form, featuring green spun sugar. She’s flirting shamelessly with Paul, and who can blame her?
Dame Edna’s chocolate cake isn’t going to feature any chocolate. She is, however, making the Sydney Opera House out of meringue and sponge.
Jennifer is making a soggy bottomed bed cake, featuring a drunk Edina from Ab Fab. Her batter has curdled, but Mary gives her sage advice.
“Are we asking too much?” says Paul. “Yes, probably”.
And finally, it’s the Showstopper challenge – a tiered chocolate cake inspired by a memorable occasion.
When you have a minute, text Bake to 70005. It’s for a very good cause.
Lulu’s pastry is thick and she didn’t make 12, and her cream is overwhipped, but a good effort. Jennifer’s pastry is nice and thin, and they taste great. Dame Edna’s are overbaked and “slightly informal”. “It’s very pleasant, but not what we asked for”, says Mary, having clearly missed her calling in the Diplomatic Service. Dame Edna is giving her a killer death stare. Joanna’s are a mixed bag of sizes, but a good bake.
Dame Edna gets fourth place, Lulu takes third, Joanna takes second and Jennifer gets first.
“I’d like to taste one of your biscuits one day, Paul” says Dame Edna. Paul looks very afraid, and rightly so.
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Half an hour left, and they’re frantically whipping cream. Joanna is picking rice out of her tart cases, because she didn’t line them. Lulu’s cream looks like cheese but her pastry has a nice solid bottom. The less said about Dame Edna’s tarts the better.
Time to roll out pastry – will anyone make it thin enough? Dame Edna’s pastry is a claggy mess. Lulu keeps making squeaky noises, and it’s getting on my wick. Only Jennifer’s look vaguely like tarts.
Lulu has put the egg whites in instead of the yolks, so has made some kind of mousse. She’s starting again.
For this week’s technical challenge, our bakers have to make 12 mini fruit tarts. None of them have the smallest idea how to make pastry, apart from Jennifer. But everything she touches seems to turn to wallpaper paste. Meanwhile, Dame Edna’s pastry is clagging up her jewellery. It’s the stuff of hygiene nightmares.
Joanna reckons they’re being kind “because they’ve noticed I’m quite old”. You’re 68, Joanna. Dame Edna is 80. She’s even older than Mary.
Lulu’s shortbread Westie looks rather lovely, at least until Paul cuts off his back leg. Both Paul and Mary are impressed. Jennifer’s giant toast requires sawing, but Paul likes the flavour and texture. Joanna’s giant hard work cookie looks great, and the flavours blend well.
And then we get to Dame Edna’s, which looks like a car crash, but has nice flavours. But as Dame Edna says, “Mary and Paul aren’t the only people in the world”.
Joanna is mixing chocolate with rice crispies, creating a biscuit creation beloved of 3-year-olds everywhere. Dame Edna’s is making “wisteria icing” to match her hair. Lulu is cutting a dog shape out of her shortbread. Dame Edna’s biscuit is welded to the tin, so she’s cutting the tin away with metal cutters.
If Joanna doesn’t crack open a bottle of Bolly at some point in proceedings, I will be very disappointed.
Everyone is peering into their oven, declaring surprise that things are cooking and getting bigger. Er, you know how baking works, right? Jennifer’s toast is slightly bigger than anticipated, and has turned into a monster. “Don’t tell them it’s toast”, suggests Joanna. “But I’ve written toast on it”, says Jennifer. See, that’s what happens when you label food. No room for flexibility.
Lulu is making a dog-shaped shortbread, but it’s already not relighting Paul’s fire. Meanwhile Jennifer is making a giant slice of French toast.
Dame Edna’s biscuit includes ginger and macadamia nuts. It will be chewy, apparently. “How long are you going to cook it for?”, asks Mary. “I’m going to cook it until it’s cooked”, says Dame Edna. That told you, Mary.
Dame Edna isn’t bothering to measure the ingredients, choosing instead to use her instinct. What could possibly go wrong?
Joanna is making a double layered cookie, with a ginger topping. She’s already flustered.
So, first it’s the signature challenge – creating a giant biscuit with some kind of writing on it. Is a giant biscuit an actual baking thing? Or just something that accidentally happens when you make a cake and forget to put the eggs in? Anyway, huge biscuits are fine by me. The bigger the better, frankly.
Joanna hasn’t been sleeping, because she is scared. Lulu is also scared. Jennifer is very much style over substance.
Dame Edna is looking marvellous in a fuchsia sequins and mauve hair. She wouldn’t look out of place on the Strictly dancefloor. Why has this never happened?
And we’re off! Oh, how I’ve missed this theme tune. It’s still summer in Bake Off land. It’s ALWAYS summer in Bake Off land.
Next time they show a leaping lamb, it’s reasonable to assume it’s probably shrink-wrapped by now.
Good evening, and welcome to The Great British Comic Relief Bake Off liveblog! Just when winter damp and cold was starting to get a tiny bit tiresome, along comes a spot of Bake Off sunshine to brighten up our Wednesday nights.
This charidee GBBO spin-off runs for the next four weeks, with four celebrities taking part each week. It’s a very decent line-up this year, overseen by Paul, Mary, Mel and Sue in the usual fashion. I’ll be here keeping an eye on proceedings, and no doubt dusting off all the baking puns from last summer, because it’s important to recycle. Feel free to join in down below, and if you fancy running your own bake sale for Comic Relief this year, you can get a rather splendid kit here.
The first four contestants on tonight’s Great British Comic Relief Bake Off are Jennifer Saunders, Joanna Lumley, Dame Edna Everage and Lulu. Which I think we’ll all agree represents an absolutely fabulous lineup of comedy possums, plus Lulu.
I’m predicting utter kitchen carnage, Dame Edna-style. Can’t wait – see you at 8!
