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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Entertainment
Scott Bryan and Michael Chakraverty

The Great Celebrity Bake Off 2021: episode two – as it happened

Kelly Holmes in the Bake Off tent.
Kelly Holmes in the Bake Off tent. Photograph: Mark Bourdillon/Channel 4

I’m very excited for Philippa Perry, just because I think she is the first contestant to pipe the word “HELP” on her bake. Thanks so much for reading and commenting. It’s the highlight of our week. See you next Tuesday.

Next week we have MC Dizzee Rascal, radio DJ Nick Grimshaw, psychologist Philippa Perry and actor-writer Reece Shearsmith. Looks like Nick has a lovely shirt on, so that’s something to look forward to. See you then!

I honestly thought it was going to be Kelly - but if the past 70 minutes have taught us anything, I’ll never say no to a McAvoy. Well done to James, very well deserved. What a cracking episode that was - the right level of chaos for a Tuesday night.

The Star Baker is... JAMES MCAVOY!

“And the next thing I knew I was pregnant.”

So delighted James had won. What a treat.

Updated

This has been a truly delightful bunch. What a lovely episode. Kelly’s personal connection to the cause really brought it home, too.

Plus it would have been a challenge like ‘come up with a 4D edible marble cake that I once saw in a dream etc.

It's the final judging.

I resent the judge’s insinuation that these cakes would’ve been welcome in the main series, when we all know they’d have been torn apart.

Wish I’d made this joke.

“If they could’ve just not cut into it and not try it, then I might have won”. Can relate, Anne-Marie.

No idea who is going to win, really. Anne-Marie’s cake looked great but was inedible. David’s communist cake was terrifying. It’s a toss up between Kelly and James.

Kelly’s chocolate chilli cake seems to have gone down well which is great - particularly considering that the judges tend to get touchy about spicy food. Not that I’m bitter about it.

If I had time (and I do) I would make a video of every squeal this episode. It has been utterly delightful.

“This is not a pleasure to eat”, says Prue. “But it looks nice?” asks Anne-Marie, ever the optimist.

Anne Marie’s looks really, really good. Would make a montage of her excitable, high-pitched squeals.

I think James’s Leopard looks quite good, actually? Apart from the gash at the back (careful).

“The cake is… um… decorated”, says Paul. Not the most encouraging start for David there. “I’m never going to do this again”, he sighs.

It’s the THREE DIMENSIONAL animal Showstopper judging.

Paul Hollywood is horrified at David Baddiel’s attempt at a gay-nache.

If David can, so can you.

Just when we forgot about the ‘pr**g*sm’ thanks

Presented without comment.

Everyone goes to horny jail.

My sexuality: James McAvoy meowing desperately at a leopard.

Important update: Anne-Marie has just given her monkey a six pack.

An update from David: “That’s not communist enough. I need more grey”.

Kelly Holmes is getting the true Bake Off experience: asking the hosts to leave you alone.

James McAvoy is now getting his competitors drunk. It’s a step up from trying to get Prue or Paul drunk. 2021 contestants, make a note of that.

“It’s going to be quite communist”, says David. Not something I thought I’d ever hear in the tent, to be honest.

I really hope that it isn’t the same cleaner tidying up after Anne-Marie who had to sort out Laura’s workstation during the main series last year.

Anne-Marie’s table is an absolute mess. That’s nothing new, though. In my series someone accidentally set fire to theirs with a blowtorch.

Quite right, too.

James McAvoy is baking a Snow Leopard cake from His Dark Materials. Wish my life was accompanied with a cake daemon.

“My cake is not me in animal form”, says David to the judge, baking a ‘Chairman Meow’ instead. He’s not working to the brief. ELIMINATE HIM NOW!

Twitter continues to hold a torch for our Scottish hero.

I thought Paul was referring to the Johnny Vegas ITV Digital adverts in the early noughties. Well done everyone.

Anne-Marie is baking a monkey. Paul references Monkey, the 1978 TV series. I had to Google that, because I wasn’t born in the past like Paul.

James McAvoy: “Pray for me.” Michael: “Sure.”

Kelly Holmes emits a sound only 5 year-olds can only hear.

3D just sounds impressive. If only this liveblog was in 3D. Imagine.

The Showstopper is to bake a 3D marble cake which represents them in animal form.

Why do they keep saying “a 3D cake” when any cake is 3D?! Bar a pancake, of course.

Pleasingly the majority of people BTL are pronouncing it correctly.

Remember that the celebrities are baking to raise money for Stand Up To Cancer. For info and how to donate, click here.

James comes out on top. “You’d pay a lot of money for that”, says Prue. Can confirm that I would.

Here’s how it stands at the technical. Fourth: David (lol). Third: Kelly (good effort). Second: Anne-Marie. First: James!

Updated

James comes out on top. “You’d pay a lot of money for that”, says Prue. Can confirm that I would.

“There’s been issues with these” says Paul, as they approach David’s cheese patties.

It’s buttermilk cheese scone judgement time.

Bar David. David has made a pastry.

David’s will to live? It’s s-gone. Sorry.

And she claims that she didn’t know what a scone was before this challenge. Kelly has never baked before either. Aren’t they doing well?

Pleasingly the majority of people BTL are pronouncing it correctly.

Anne-Marie has spent this entire challenge whispering theories down the camera and spying on/copying her competitors. Such a sneak! I love it.

All the bakers are observing each other to work out when best to take their scones out of the oven, not realising that the other bakers are also doing that.

Yes yes, the knives are sharp. I remember well. I still have the scars (both inside and out).

Let’s unleash the beast. “Sc - ON”, or “Sc - OWN”? Let us know BTL.

I’m enjoying the celebs squeezing their sacks dry with varying looks of disgust on their faces.

Or just, you know, just eat the cream by itself, out of the pot.

I LOVE this challenge. Sounds complicated, but it’s actually quite simple. All you have to do to make butter and buttermilk is whisk cream until it separates. A good way to use up double cream that’s going out of date!

The bakers have to make six buttermilk cheese scones.

Served with a butter of their own making.

Kelly is now moving like a spinning top. We love to see it.

James’s sounds delicious. “That pastry is one of the best I’ve had in a while”. Sounds like a compliment, but the bar is fairly low given the circumstances.

David titled his bake “Revenge for My Mother’s Disappointing Desserts”, but it would appear that his mother got the last laugh. Perhaps it should be retitled “David’s Mother’s Revenge for Dismissing Her Best Efforts Throughout His Childhood”.

“It’s extremely original,” says Prue. Not sure she realises that when she says things like this, they never really sound like a compliment.

I’m not going to lie. David Baddiel’s looks like something you’d find in the bins behind Waitrose.

“A little thick, that’s the problem”, says Prue to Anne-Marie. I *think* she was referring to the tart.

Prue and Paul are now judging the tarts.

Like me on a night out in Soho. (Remember those?)

Updated

Just imagine.

My sentiments exactly.

David Baddiel adding the decoration to his bake: “They’re like orange fish in a very polluted sea.”

“This will cool it down”, says David as he pours hot curd onto his hot pastry. Across the tent, Kelly has gone quietly intense, Anne-Marie is gasping for air and James has reached for a blowtorch.

Anne-Marie just tried to open the fridge with her foot.

Is Anne-Marie the most competitive celeb baker we’ve ever had? She is having a GLORIOUS time as her fellow celebs succumb to the chaos. Same, to be fair.

Anne-Marie is a hoot. It’s like she’s just saying everything she’s thinking. Meanwhile … how does Kelly Holmes react when her timer goes off? “TIMER MEANS SOMETHING! TIMER MEANS SOMETHING!”

A glance both BTL and on Twitter shows that the internet has little faith in David Baddiel...

Can’t get over Anne-Marie panicking while being reminded that she has a tattoo of the words “don’t panic.”

And I’m losing it over Anne-Marie’s casual “hello” as Prue inspects her table behind her.

Anne-Marie is doing a banoffee tart. Remember when Daisy Ridley tried banoffee flavours last week?

“Your pastry shall not pass,” he just said. This liveblog is now inexplicitly horny.

We all do, to be fair. The less said about X-Men Apocalypse, the better. He’s now impersonating Gandalf, getting his franchises mixed up. Never found Gandalf sexy before though, so that’s confusing.

While describing a favourite meringue pie that he ate on set, James McAvoy described the film as “X-Men … one of them.”

Matt Lucas: “You’ve performed on a world stage and yet you’re nervous about a little bit of baking.”

Kelly Holmes: “I was running for about 20 years and I knew what I was doing.”

*fire emoji*

Kelly Holmes to Paul and Prue as they approach her table: “Please go away.” We are three minutes into the programme.

“Feels a bit wet” repeats James desperately in the hope that a producer might help. I remember doing similar, pleading with the producers’ blank faces while beating the daylights out of soggy choux pastry.

Anne-Marie whizzing an electric mixer while cackling like an evil dictator is *a mood*

“I’m not going to hold my breath”, sighs Paul. Not sure anyone asked him to, but sure.

I swear 78% of Bake Off consists of them baking tarts these days.

For the signature challenge, they must each make a deep-filled decorative tart in 2 hours 15 minutes.

*sniggers at deep-filled tart*

David Baddiel says he might be the worst competitor they have ever had. He’s seen Nick Hewer’s ‘Tribute to Countdown’ episode, right? Or Lee Mack, who declared “Celebrity A&E would be less stressful.”

“We’ve got to peel off. Like the red arrows”. Niche reference straight off the bat from James.

We know about the restraining order, Michael. I always love that the opening montage of Celebrity Bake Off consists of the celebrities running around shouting “OH GOD” while the narrator says “the bakers are hoping you’ll be inspired to bake at home.”

Going to get this out of the way right now. I am in love with James McAvoy.

Updated

Like Jenny (The Vixen, from The Chase), I’ve had little else on my mind.

Hello you, and welcome to the Guardian’s liveblog for The Great Celebrity Bake Off for Stand Up To Cancer.

Last week, Tom Allen referred his ganache as a “gay-nache” and temporarily got his bake stuck in the freezer. Meanwhile, the Showstopper saw Daisy Ridley bake a giant toilet.

Entering the tent this week are pop singer Anne-Marie; comedian and author David Baddiel; actor and the person whose eyes I get lost in most often James McAvoy; and Olympic gold medallist Kelly Holmes. They’re competing in the hope that you all donate to Stand Up To Cancer or bake to raise funds yourself.

To donate, just head to the Stand Up To Cancer website (Michael and I are also donating part of our fee to SU2C too.)

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