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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Entertainment
Michael Chakraverty and Scott Bryan

The Great Celebrity Bake Off 2021: episode three – as it happened

Dizzee Rascal with Matt Lucas.
Dizzee Rascal with Matt Lucas. Photograph: Mark Bourdillon/Channel 4

Next week we have TV presenter Stacey Dooley, Jade Thirlwall (my hero) from Little Mix, comedian Katherine Ryan and internet influencer KSI.

It looks like it’s going to be chaos - from the trailer alone it seems we can expect soggy bottoms aplenty, as well as Jade being “saved by the nipple”. Something to look forward to!

We’ll see you all next Tuesday. Take care x

REECE! I genuinely thought it was going to be Philippa. I’ve never known there to be such a talented set of contestants in the same week. Usually its carnage and the most edible thing wins. If only Philippa was in... well, any other week!

The winner is...

...Reece! Despite his using a fruit for the vegetable cake slice. Well deserved, though Philippa was my winner tbh. And a nice bit of validation from Nick for me: “When you watch Bake Off, those people are really good at baking”.

Isn’t this lovely?

Reece a close second. That 3D biscuit was inspired, and we all know how much the judges like to have anything that is three dimensional on Bake Off.

Updated

Who do we think has won? I’m going with Philippa for sure, with Reece coming a close second. Surely, SURELY, Dizzee isn’t in the running.

Reece’s bake rivals one from the main tent? Please. Remember Terry’s biscuit selfie?!

That Pyramid Stage is very Glastonbury. All his scene needed was a Cider Bus and a depiction of the 45 minutes it takes to find your tent at 3am. I’m impressed with Philippa’s scene too.

The perspective in Nick’s picture is confusing. Are his boots bigger than a cow? Why is the microphone the size of his face? Has his head got a tail?

Can’t help but feel Dizzee has cheated a bit by only having three elements. During the challenge, Prue appears to have googled the album cover it’s based on and is pleasantly surprised with his efforts.

It’s the Showstopper judging, starting with Dizzie.

Or Sir Dizworth Rascal, as Matt just referred to him.

She is such a rebel.

Definitely not Head Girl.

“I think I’m in control”, trembles Philippa as her nose falls off.

“I don’t think it matters if it’s not glued”, says Reece hopefully. I think it definitely matters as otherwise it’s just a pile of biscuits.

Surprisingly, Dizzee’s ganache looks quite good. I don’t like Philippa calling her icing “sticky-poo” though.

Oooh! Paul, come take that handshake back!!

Peloton adverts have no place in Bake Off breaks.

Oh GOD. That means that Rinky Dink Peter (winner of the 2020 series) was *3 years old* when it came out...

(cries)

I am gutted that Tom Allen calling ganache “gay-nache” never caught on.

Nick is depicting Glastonbury festival. Hope he depicts NYC Downlow, the ridiculous queue to get into the Rabbit Hole and the feeling of being dragged through a hedge when you get home.

Philippa’s including her cat Kevin in her selfie. I love animals with human names – my friend’s cats were called Pauline and Sharon, and I think about that a lot.

First avocados being allowed as a vegetable. Now this. Also disappointed in Reece. This was such an opportunity for there to be a surreal and slightly concerning League of Gentleman Showstopper. It really was.

Elsewhere, Philippa’s making “a delicate pastry”, which would be lovely if that was the challenge. But it isn’t. So it’s not.

Is it inspired or is it overly simple? Dizzee also seems to have taken his issues with meringue to heart and is calling everything on his bench “stiff”.

Dizzie’s selfie of ‘Bake in Da Corner’ is actually inspired. Also full credit to artist Tom Hovey, who had to draw something more left-field than Daisy Ridley’s toilet two weeks ago.

Philippa is running a little cookery programme at the back of the tent while the others chuck in random ingredients and hope for the best.

I remember Kim-Joy saying: “that looks like something else” *Harry Hill sideways glance*

They did a similar challenge in 2018, where they had to bake a selfie of themselves in a memorable location...

In case you missed the technical, here’s a quick recap:

The Showstopper is to bake a biscuit selfie depicting the celebrities at work.

A cheeky shout out to Rob Rinder there, who notoriously got drunk on wine meant for his cake in last year’s series.

Okay, what are our thoughts on this? In my eyes, McAvoy > Shearsmith.

Emily has hit the nail on the head!

Remember that the celebrities are baking to raise money for Stand Up To Cancer. For info and how to donate, click here.

Nick is fourth. Third is Dizzee. Reece is second. Philippa is first. Obviously.

“I just want to say that as all of you have never baked something like this before, they’re very impressive”, Paul says. He wasn’t quite as forgiving in my series when we were faced with a challenge from the Tudor times.

My favourite technical Bake Off reaction was this moment from last year.

“What a pity, it’s so beautiful-looking” says Prue. I say that to myself in the mirror every morning.

It’s the technical judging.

Prue notes Reece’s kisses are “sloppy,” something I have not experienced in what feels like forever.

Yes – can you see if Noel can come back please?

Going to the bookies to put Philippa as the Star Baker for this week. It’s quite obvious. Do you want anything while I’m out?

If you also have an excessive Gü ramekin collection, please do let us know BTL #middleclassnightmare

Reece is pouring his meringue rather than piping it. This shouldn’t be possible.

“This is why this dessert was left in the 50s, because it’s annoying” grumbles Nick, as his jam sinks into his custard.

If this was the regular series of Bake Off they would have been told to make the glass ramekin themselves.

WAIT. They have a JAR OF JAM?! To make jam you literally just cook fruit and sugar together. AND they had a brioche to begin with. Nonsense.

Dizzee asked what a stiff peak is. If only there was someone who might know ...

Philippa and Reece attempting pilates there. They look more like two turtles stranded upside down.

This episode needs alcohol.

They’re all taking it quite seriously aren’t they? This feels more like a competition than the camp chaos we’re used to. Bring back McAvoy and Ridley, I say.

A little tip for Scott and any other Gü afficionados here, courtesy of Jason Manford:

They have to put their Queen of Puddings in a glass ramekin. I should have given them some of mine! We have so many leftover Gü pots we don’t know what to do with them. And if you thought that was a middle class, my flatmate uses an empty Gü pot as an ashtray.

Oh, Philippa actually knows what a Queen of Puddings is! Considering last week Anne-Marie didn’t know what a scone was – this shows a vast improvement in the calibre of celeb bakers.

For the technical challenge, they are baking four Queen of Puddings, with distinct layers of breadcrumb custard, jam and a soft pillowy meringue.

I’ve just realised this episode needs more James McAvoy eye sex.

Oh come on Paul, put your hand away. Not for the celebs.

HANDSHAKE KLAXON! Reece gets one for his ‘dense’ sponge. “I don’t think he hands them out willy nilly,” says Reece. My graphs say otherwise, Reece.

Soggy beetroots and lumpy icing but – apparently – a delicious cake from Nick. “Looks hideous, but tastes amazing”, says Paul.

We can but marvel.

The bakers face the judges...

“S’happenin”, says Paul in an attempt to ingratiate himself with Dizzee. Seems it should be the other way round. Why isn’t Dizzee speaking with a scouse accent or wearing bright glasses?

How could I forget?!

Don’t encourage them...

Updated

Instead of making individual decorations for each of his slices, I enjoy that Dizzee just made one big decoration and slapped it right bang in the middle.

“Some are bigger than others, can’t be helped”. Amen, Reece.

Genuinely expecting something like this to happen

My money is on Philippa (simply because everyone else is slathering what looks like lumpy milk on their cakes)

Philippa is having a cup of tea while her bake cools. Very Karen from 2018.

Reece doing the awkward cake flip - highly relatable content. Why haven’t we, as a people, found a better way of doing this yet?

A Bake Off moment you wouldn’t have seen on the BBC: Matt Lucas talking with Reece Shearsmith about how his glasses steam up when entering the nightclub Heaven.

Nick appears to be candying red and brown onions. He thinks it’s beetroot, but do we trust him? Not to be outdone, Dizzee is making a “Rasta Carrot” called “Toots”. Normal normal.

Dizzee is very clearly following a recipe that he has been given. After reading an instruction that says “chill until ready to use,” his response is “chill as in chill out? Or chill as in leave in the fridge?”

Twitter isn’t happy...

In the great tradition of bakers completely ignoring the brief, Philippa Perry’s vegetable tray bake consists mostly of avocado – which is a fruit.

If this episode of Bake Off doesn’t evolve in to a really disturbing episode of Inside No. 9, I swear to god.

Reece Shearsmith wishes every day was Halloween. Getting 2020 Helena vibes.

To be fair, his is the only cake that I’d choose to eat, I think.

Paul to Dizzee: “Have you baked before?” Dizzee: “Nah, it’s just science innit.”

Dizzee’s making a “Carrot Cake Vegetable Cake Slice”. Catchy title.

Paul to Nick: “Have you baked before?” Nick: “Literally this week.”

Nick is using beetroots, which are famously not the cleanest to work with. Pray for his lovely shirt.

That’s probably because they film you doing about five false starts! For the record, I don’t like vegetables in cakes. Just have a salad.

For the Signature challenge, they must each make 12 highly decorated vegetable cake slices. That’s just carrot cake, surely.

On your marks, get set bake ... “F**k for real?,” says Dizzee, who has seemingly just realised where he is.

We haven’t even started, and Dizzee is claiming he’ll be the next host of Bake Off. When asked if he’s ever even watched the show before, he replies “Nah”. Good.

Philippa Perry has gone to the Prue Leith school of fashion hasn’t she? Just missing a Rubik’s Cube necklace.

I am also enamoured with his baking credentials, which are from GCSE Food Tech class two decades ago: “Made a biscuit in the 90s.”

I love Philippa Perry’s commitment to the SU2C colours. And I am ENAMOURED with Nick’s shirt.

Matt Lucas: “I am going to rap the opening.”

Everyone: “No.”

Well, this is completely adorable.

Well, would you look at that? We’re halfway through another series of The Great Celebrity Bake Off, and thus far in the tent, we’ve had bakes ranging from a giant toilet to a communist cat, as well as serious discussion about the contents of Paul Hollywood’s pockets and a collective dote on the handsome James McAvoy.

So what does tonight hold? We have MC Dizzee Rascal, radio DJ Nick Grimshaw, psychologist Philippa Perry and actor-writer Reece Shearsmith - all baking to raise funds for Stand Up To Cancer.

To donate, just head to the Stand Up To Cancer website (Scott and I are donating part of our fee to SU2C too.)

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