Moisture, cracks, hot baps: nothing is out of bounds in the world of Great British Bake Off innuendo. What started out with a stray soggy bottom becomes more extreme every week. And it’s not just GBBO. Britain’s Got Talent, BBQ Champ, any wildlife show involving tits – they’re all at it. When did it become so acceptable to wave double entendres in viewers’ faces?
Ten million people tune in to witness this “sick filth”, or, as the more broad-minded call it, pre-watershed cheekiness. There’s even a #BakeOffInnuendo of the week on Twitter. “Bear in mind what my wife says – always leave it in for an extra 10 minutes,” said Fireman Mat, talking about his hot baguette. You can’t even have caramel flowing round your nuts without Mary Berry making lewd comments about it. Thinking about complimenting a baker on their box? Forget it, you pervert.
The great British art of innuendo, once the preserve of Carry On films, saucy seaside postcards and Viz’s Finbarr Saunders, has reached saturation point.
Is innuendo a shortcut to make boring subjects more exciting? Shows such as BBQ Champ, which has noted the success of GBBO and the way that Twitter throbs with joy every time it’s on, have tried to emulate the smutty asides. Sausages are on the menu, so it’s easy prey. Add in a bit of “mincing”, “tasting my sauce” and the not-at-all-desperate catchphrase “Time’s up, tongues down” and there’s plenty for an innuendo-lover to get their lips around.
Of course, Bake Off didn’t invent the art of innuendo. The tradition goes back to Chaucer and Shakespeare, coming into its own in the music hall days. Round The Horne’s pair of flamboyant friends, Julian and Sandy, beautifully exploited the giggles that a mention of “something to slip into your pocket” could elicit down at the Bona Bookshop, while Benny Hill was a little more saucy with Ernie (The Fastest Milkman in the West) getting his cocoa three times a week. No scene from the Mary Whitehouse-bothering Carry On films was complete without an “Oo-er missus” or “Ooh matron” and Blackadder’s sexy time-traveller Lord Flashheart (Rik Mayall) made his entrance with a blatant: “Am I pleased to see you or have I got a canoe in my pocket?”
It’s just the sort of thing that would make Radio 1 DJ Scott Mills and his Innuendo Bingo very happy indeed. But this is an open-minded, post-Dapper Laughs era, so why is the appetite for innuendo bigger than ever? It barely wears a disguise now and even pops up on daytime and family shows. If it’s not Amanda Holden saucing up This Morning talking about her sprawling garden, it’s David Walliams accosting Simon Cowell with his Frankie Howerd-esque comments on Britain’s Got Talent. Even Una Stubbs tried to bring a little smut to the most wholesome programme on telly, The Big Painting Challenge, by insinuating there was something phallic about a picture of a cannon.
Often, the entendres come out to prick the ears of a wider audience. Wildlife programmes are guilty of squeezing in the sort of phrases that you don’t need a dirty mind to misinterpret. Springwatch has been hard at it for years. Master of innuendo Chris Packham once announced very knowingly: “We can offer you black cock, live, first thing in the morning,” while promoting feathery footage on Winterwatch.
Even Julian Clary, who was a late-night attraction in the 1980s with his risque Sticky Moments, has brought his single entendre to the natural world. Charming though Nature Nuts is, the kids aren’t even in bed before he’s talking about “inflating his ring”.
Like baking itself, innuendo is a nod to a more simple time when Mrs Slocombe’s pussy was out and proud. It’s a form of vintage comedy that, when done subtly, can be both harmless and hilarious. But when the double entendres come thick and fast – and rammed in for the sake of it – they’re hard to swallow. Have you had your fill or does it still make you titter?
