Thanks for such great comments and insights you lovely lot.
Next week… it is Chocolate Week! We’re also on a different day next week, due to the football. We’re back on Wednesday 18th October.
The good news is that we’re back to 75 minute episodes too. Fewer adverts! Rejoice.
Dan got through by the thinnest of margins! Wow.
He’s right. He certainly cannot afford another week like this.
“I never thought I would be able to do this,” says Abbi. “It has given me such a massive confidence boost and I have met such amazing people. I am going to remember it every day for the rest of my life.
“Although I am quite looking forward to getting back to my vegetables.”
And the baker going home is … Abbi!
IT IS NOT DAN! That’s a surprise. I really thought it was going to be Dan after his shocker of a week.
Only moments ago I wrote that I thought Abbi was relatively safe (lol.) Then again, she didn’t perform brilliantly in that technical.
Star baker is … Tasha!
That’s two in a row for Tasha. Fantastic work.
Tasha’s is a work of art, according to Prue.
Prue: “You are one hell of a bread baker.”
Paul: “You understand bread, and I like that.”
TASHA! Phenomenal. Clearly star baker.
Tasha's 'Medusa' Plaited Centrepiece Showstopper. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/X5N70w4eUn
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) October 10, 2023
Dan ran out of time and his showstopper is not baked at all. Oh, Dan. It’s not your week.
Prue: “We all know you can do a hell of a lot better than that.”
Dan's 'Stuffed Crust Pizza' Plaited Centrepiece Showstopper. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/qkpI6RhVLC
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) October 10, 2023
Josh’s did look like Bagpuss, when you think about it.
Abbi’s design is seen to be ‘rudimentary’ and is complimented for the flavours, but the dough is seen to be a bit dense. I think she’s safe until next week.
Cristy was not able to put one layer of bread inside the other.
“You didn’t get that in there, you don’t get the glory.”
Congrats to Prue there for swerving the words glory hole.
We’re back to 75 minute episodes next week! We’re going to get through this.
Dana’s bake, once it gets turned upside down, is complimented for the flavours.
She’s given feedback on what to do if she bakes a bowl again. As if any of the bakers are going to go back to one of their showstoppers again.
Rowan’s phallic bake is ‘raw’ and ‘hideous.’ Officially worried for Rowan too!
Not so good for Matty. His bake is seen to be “biscuity” but has good flavours.
And Saku’s is under-proved, bland and dry. I am officially worried for Saku now.
Nicky’s highland cow looks spectacular, but once again has had a poor distribution of flavours. But I reckon that she is safely through to another week.
It’s the showstopper Judging.
Starting with Josh’s plaited tiger. It gets an “amazing” from Paul, and not just because the tiger is named Paul.
Rowan: “It’s up. I managed to get it up and keep it up.”
INNUENDO-OMETER EXPLODES.
Rowan!!!!
Rowan every four minutes: “I am not good with maths.”
Abbi every three minutes: “I have foraged these wild ingredients.”
Dan every two minutes: “I am just going to shove it in.”
Thank you. This is why I don’t write about football.
Oh no it is ALL falling apart with Dan. He has completely run out of dough.
He’s experiencing what Keith had last week. All you need is a bad weekend.
Josh is now adding “the eye of the tiger, it’s the thrill of the fight, rising up to the challenge of our rivalllllll.”
Josh is baking a plaited masterpiece of a tiger. Of course, nothing can ever replicate Paul’s fantastic bread lion. So this decision is rather bold.
Nothing will ever beat Paul's fantastical bread lion. NOTHING. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/ttCGzHbMqf
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) September 11, 2018
Matty: “I am baking a West Ham badge.”
Alison: “And how are they doing?”
Matty: “...”
Alison: “By the time this airs, they will be smashing it.”
Can anyone tell me? I honestly have no idea.
Alison Hammond realising what Bake Off is like three weeks into the competition: “It’s actually really tense here.”
kinda iconic, tbh
losing my mind over everyone else creating bread sculptures of cows, peacocks, trees and baskets while Dan is just writing "PIZZA" in bread. #gbbo #BakeOff pic.twitter.com/FNSZq5ZdVM
— Ariadne Griffin 🦋 (@Ariadne_Reviews) October 10, 2023
If you’re annoyed that Bake Off is having too many breaks, you’re not the only one. Each episode has been 90 minutes since the series debut despite only having several more minutes of action from the tent, which means a lot more adverts.
But from next week we’re back to the regular 75-minute episodes. Also, get your diaries out. Bake Off is on Wednesday next week, not Tuesday, due to football.
Wish there was a Gail in the tent, just to hear about Gail’s Plait.
Cristy is making an eight-plaited bake, but Abbi is ahead with nine.
I’m hoping the bakers are not getting too ambitious and are sacrificing taste for the design.
NICKY IS BAKING A HIGHLAND COW CALLED ANGUS.
AND SAKU IS BAKING A PEACOCK.
No, I have not accidentally left my capslock on. I feel that these details are important.
I’ve got alongside me an innuendo-o-meter that will measure how bad the innuendos get.
Rowan’s showstopper is going to be massive.
At least he has form from the signature and technical.
COMMENT OF THE WEEK!
The showstopper challenge is … a visually stunning bread plaited bun centrepiece.
Matty as the challenge starts: “The hardest part about this challenge is the plaiting.”
Prue: “What we’re looking for is some amazing plaiting.”
Oh no.
So good to see.
And here are the standings.
10. Dan. 9. Rowan (“you only have to turn it upside down to see that there are a few issues there” – look I am merely reporting what is happening on the screen). 8. Abbi. 7. Matty. 6. Christy. 5. Nicky. 4. Josh. 3. Dana. 2. Tasha and come through for 1. Saku came through!
Fears for Abbi and Rowan this week. God, they’re both such interesting people.
Hope we’re not going to get to a situation, like some other years, where the most interesting people are going to be leaving the tent too early.
All of them, surprise surprise, are under-proved. Maybe they haven’t done anything wrong.
Maybe, maybe, Paul, they weren’t given enough time.
Here’s a quick recap of the judging by Paul and Prue:
Dana’s is under-proved (here we go). Rowan’s are under-proved. Saku’s buns are big and light (I am not doing this on purpose.) Abbi’s look like golf balls and taste too yeasty. Cristy’s are a little small. Dan’s are under-mixed and a bit flat. Tasha’s are slightly under-proved and needed icing sugar (she knows.) Josh’s are under-proved. Nicky and Matt’s are under-proved.
Knew that I had seen him somewhere before.
Now it is time for the technical judging
Will Paul say that they are all under-proved?
And Tasha forgot the icing sugar at the last second and didn’t know what to do.
Did Dan forget to use caster sugar? Oh no. And he was so confident as well.
And ahead of everyone else! It just is not his week.
Nicky trying to reject Alison’s time call by lifting her arm like she’s stopping traffic is a mood.
Abbi: “These bakes could have had 10 minutes but we don’t have another 10 minutes.”
If the bakes start to be criticised for being under-proved I swear to God.
Paul talks about the importance of proving twice and doing it for at least 45 minutes.
Let me guess. They won’t tell the bakers how long they’re supposed to do it for.
Tasha really showing off her knowledge about Devonshire splits here.
Tasha: “I live adjacent to Devon.”
The technical challenge is … eight Devonshire splits
These are soft, light, enriched dough buns that are split with jam and cream inside.
The technical has been set by Paul Hollywood. I think he’s a bread expert. Not sure.
If you’re the reading this and you work on Bake Off, please wink at us.
As we’re now on the third week of the competition, we’re starting to see the stronger bakers coming through. Josh, Dana, Tasha and Cristy seem to be right up there.
Important point, well made.
Nicky’s cottage loaf has been overpowered by salt and Cristy and Abbi needed more.
Abbi also introduced her bake as: “This is flat Janice. Her cottage is a bungalow.”
Dana’s also needed 10 more minutes in the oven, a bit doughy, but full of flavour.
Now we cross to Rowan’s elephant, I mean bake. Surprisingly, despite the look of it, it gets rave reviews for how well it tastes.
Paul: “It’s monstrous.”
Rowan: “Fine. I’ve been called worse.”
The signature judging, starting with Saku.
Saku’s bread is near perfection (slightly underproved), but with the cinnamon overpowering the orange slightly.
Matty’s has also had a lot of filling. Ahem.
That has to be one of the best challenges Bake Off has had in ages. Just entertaining television and the bakers are really coming out of their shells, too.
I think we can safely say that Bake Off is out of the rut it has been in the last two years. Channel 4 and Love Productions, you can breathe a sigh of relief.
Rowan’s top has come apart from the bottom.
Rowan: “Shall I rod it?”
Look I’m just merely reporting what is happening on Bake Off. Stop judging me.
Abbi: “The top has merged into the bottom.”
Looks to camera.
She’s also started to call her bake Janice.
Josh’s cottage loaf is looking perfect. Has he done any bad bakes so far? I think we have a finalist in the making.
The fact that Noel and Alison don’t try to do skits throughout the episodes is such a blessing.
And Saku’s face as Paul passes her workstation is priceless.
Hilarious seeing Matty thrusting in his fingers, probably in fear of the cameras being there.
Now Noel narrates: “Not only does the cottage loaf need perfectly proportioned balls,” as we see all the bakers fingering the layers of dough.
INNUENDO DEFCON 1. REPEAT DEFCON 1.
Nicky also just said “wee” there, which I think brings us to six mentions in the series so far.
Paul: “Tell me about the proportion of your ball size.”
Matty: “Three quarters bottom. One quarter on top.”
Just look at Alison’s face throughout that exchange.
Tell us about your ball size. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/Mx8QZdBKiJ
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) October 10, 2023
We’re starting to hear words such as “top,” “bottom” and “balls” from the bakers over and over.
Batten down the hatches everyone … I think we’re heading for innuendo overload.
Rowan is making his cottage loaf inspired by a trip he’s taken to Amalfi.
He says: “It is a place I would never go back to.”
After Alison said she’s great at batting in cricket, Saku throws a ball directly into her crotch.
Welcome to the Great British Bake Off 2023.
Dana’s cottage loaf contains chipotle chilli paste, smoked paprika, smoked cheddar … and now smashed glass as her kitchen bowl just exploded. Still, better than garlic right?
She’s also called her cottage loaf “Bread-ley Cooper.’ Thought you should know.
Nicky’s cottage loaf contains garlic and a wee bit of Scottish sea salt.
Tell me to stop. Go on.
As well as owning 300 cookbooks, growing his own rhubarb and brewing his own beer, Dan also forages for garlic.
Dan, stop. You’re making the rest of us look bad.
Saku is making a delicious sounding orange and cinnamon cottage loaf. To long-time readers of this liveblog, we’re definitely verging on mango territory aren’t we?
Ahhh Paul, asking each baker a random question about their bake then failing to provide a follow-up to their answer, therefore derailing their confidence. Some traditions never change.
He just asked Cristy: “Do you think it hinders the growth of the dough at all if you add too much flavour?”
The innuendos. The innuendos are coming.
And of course, let us not forget the last time the bakers had to make a cottage loaf. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/tE0gjwypfW
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) October 10, 2023
The signature challenge is … a cottage loaf.
Alison jokes that Paul and Prue don’t want the bakers to bake a real cottage, although I wouldn’t put it past them for this week’s showstopper.
Someone tell me if bread week is Paul’s speciality. Please!
We’re getting to know all the bakers a little more, but it can still be difficult to work out who is who. So here’s your handy reminder of what happened during biscuit week.
Abbi, 27: Last week she made fortune cookies for her dim sum illusion cake with the pun “watch out, things are getting IN TENTS” (although fortune cookies are supposed to predict the future, Abbi.) At one point, Bake Off also randomly summed up her life story as being something like “she grew up in Tunisia and now she aerial hoops part time.”
Cristy, 33: She made a charcuterie showstopper, which was all going so well until Noel and Alison came along. “What’s happening there? Is that bacon?,” asked Noel, to which Cristy responded, “It is supposed to look like parma ham.” Five seconds later Alison comes along: “Oh look at that BACON!”
Dan, 42: Has won star baker once. He also had a biscuit that had a good top and bottom and was, according to the judges, well filled. Look, I’m just reporting what happened last week. He also made illusion oven chips that were considered to be burnt, but aren’t all oven chips anyway?
Dana, 25: When her marshmallow completely broke apart at the end of the signature, she just smiled and said “I can hide a lot of stuff with glitter.” Great advice for life.
Josh, 27: Baked an ABSOLUTELY STUNNING illusion burger and chips, one of the most gorgeous bakes we’ve seen on this show in ages. He was awarded a special Hollywood handshake, but bewilderingly did not win star baker afterwards.
Keith, 60: Last week he said something like “Making Wagon Wheels will be lots of fun.” In the end, it wasn’t for him. He sadly left the tent.
Matty, 28: In the narration last week Alison said: “Matty and his partner Lara first locked eyes in their local gym. Eight years later they’re planning their wedding.” I know. I know.
Nicky, 52: Half of the liveblog last week consisted of me excitedly remarking every time she said “wee” and “deary me” in her Scottish accent. She also said this excellent bit of life advice: “You can’t be worried about these things because they’re done. And I can’t be worried about it and so you just have to enjoy the moment, keep smiling. Because that’s what life is all about.”
Rowan, 21: Where to start. In cake week he made a lobster cake shaped like a cosmopolitan. In biscuit week, he said that despite being a university student he often has a charcuterie night with all his mates with fancy wine. Everyone get round Rowan’s.
Saku, 50: “How often do you bake biscuits?,” Alison asked Saku during last week’s signature. Saku: “Not very often. At least once a week.” To which Alison responded “once a WEEK?”
Tasha, 27: Won last week’s star baker and got a Hollywood Handshake. Praying she stays for the whole series.
Babes! Welcome along to the Guardian’s Great British Bake Off liveblog. I’m Scott Bryan.
I’ll be your knead to guide you through three difficult bread challenges, where all the bakers hope to rise to the occasion. It was a decent cake week and biscuit week, but hopefully with bread week the best is yet to crumb.
Alright, alright. I’ll stop with the bread puns. I’ll stop loafing around, even though I’ve been on a roll (you’re fired – Ed.)
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