A lucky escape for Dame Maggie, but a sad farewell to lovely lovely Rochica (who shares my affinity for entire heads of garlic in bread). Can’t believe it.
That’s it for Bread Week. Now let us never discuss olives or breadsticks again. See you for Dessert Week!
Giuseppe = well, obviously.
Rochica = WHAAAAAAAAAAT NOOOOO. Such a charming, wonderful baker and such a shame to lose her so early.
And Rochica is leaving the tent.
The saddest, saddest farewell to our lovely, lovely Rochica.
And Giuseppe gets Star Baker.
A well deserved win (if anyone was to topple Happy Little Jürgen it was going to be him wasn’t it?).
Okay, so I’m going to need a little time to emotionally prepare because I believe this may be the end for Dame Maggie of Dorset. Thoughts and prayers, everyone.
QUICK, EVERYBODY, FORM A SUPPORT CIRCLE FOR ROCHICA!
Giuseppe’s looks really realistic and he’s definitely won Star Baker, but also it looks like vegetables, so has anyone truly won here?
Giuseppe’s ‘Your Five-a-Day’ Milk Bread Display Showstopper. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/pxzYoQfzbc
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) October 5, 2021
Crystelle’s roast is so big I would 100% have an afternoon nap after digesting it.
Crystelle’s ‘Bready’ for Sunday Roast Milk Bread Display Showstopper. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/HnF47ezEY3
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) October 5, 2021
Jürgen’s second born may have saved him! Hurrah!
Jürgen’s ‘The Baby’ Milk Bread Display Showstopper. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/rHHYwSV9Rl
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) October 5, 2021
Chigs’s bread basket looks fab – but Maggie’s abstract octopus may have left her in the bottom. That’s the second time her bakes have been described as “rustic” today, and the missing seaweed may sink her ...
Maggie’s ‘Things You Find in a Rockpool’ Milk Bread Display Showstopper. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/ZWOwwXDEYx
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) October 5, 2021
“I had a pet pig. She slipped on ice. She had to be put down.”
I can really see a future where Lizzie is a childhood author.
I don’t care what Paul says. George’s koala is gorgeous.
George’s stunningly cute Koala Bread. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/B2zWqkfJZf
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) October 5, 2021
On to the judging ...
… if they’re mean to Maggie or Jürgen we riot.
Reminder ... we all call Noel ‘Neil’ from now on.
Same energy https://t.co/gNsKHujDt9 pic.twitter.com/Og24breVZf
— Declan Cashin (@Tweet_Dec) October 5, 2021
Also did anyone just see a CHRISTMAS advert?
“Oh, that’s hilarious”, says Freya with no trace of a smile.
The thing with Bread Week Showstoppers is that there’s actually not very much hands-on time. You spend most of the time sitting and waiting for some bits to proof and others to bake, so it’s hard to raise the stakes until the final minutes. Basically, my attention is wandering and I’m thinking about tomorrow’s breakfast.
Congratulations to Giuseppe who just called Noel ‘Neil’.
Don’t think we’ve seen a baker join in on a time-call skit before? That redeemed Crystelle a bit from Fennel Gate earlier on.
Crystelle’s oven finger-gauntlet is back. I’m fascinated by it. Elsewhere, Jürgen is cooking a baby at 160C.
“I had a pig called Susie. She died. Didn’t eat it.”
Tell you what, Lizzie is a hell of a storyteller.
A lot of you have noticed this. Knew we could trust you.
I hope Jürgen’s bun in the oven saves him.
Updated
Jürgen: “BANG BANG BANG BANG.”
George: “He was doing my nut in, in the practice tent.”
MANGO ALERT!! I don’t think I like the sound of any of these flavours yet.
Maggie doing a seaside themed Showstopper for the THIRD week in a row. We love to see it.
And Amanda’s puns continue to be sensational. Her Showstopper? “I Just FISH I Had More Time.”
Their Showstopper is … a themed display using milk bread.
Instead of water in the dough, you have to use milk.
“Have you ever kissed a bap?” You’re watching Channel 4.
Jürgen cannot be facing the chop. I refuse to believe this.
Giuseppe is a shoo-in for Star Baker, right? Maggie, Jürgen, Rochica and Crystelle are all still flirting with the bottom I think.
I agree. They needed an extra 10 minutes. Anyway here’s where we stand after the technical challenge (RIP everyone) - … 10. Rochica. 9. Crystelle. 8. Maggie. 7. George. 6. Chigs. 5. Jürgen. 4. Freya. 3. Amanda 2. Lizzie 1. Giuseppe.
Prue is … kissing a bendy breadstick better. Not quite sure what to say about that, really. Though it does feel like, if everyone does so badly, perhaps there was an issue with the amount of time given?
Stop saying raw. It’s lost all meaning.
Paul: “It’s tight inside.” No comment.
Paul: “It’s a bit bready.” It’s bread.
It is carb-mageddon …
It’s the ciabatta breadstick technical judging.
Alexa, play Tell Me It’s Not True
*frame this and put it in the lourve*
“This is just rather wild” deadpans Freya, as Crystelle assembles a tower of bendy, raw oblongs. A surprisingly tense end for a challenge which basically involves sitting and waiting.
OK Jürgen is now using his hands as binoculars. Never mind.
protect him at all costs #GBBO pic.twitter.com/p1n5Uymgvt
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) October 5, 2021
Oh, I liked the way Giuseppe said 220 there. I could listen to him list numbers all night long.
Jürgen is defo feeling the heat this week. It has made me realise that in the previous two weeks we had never seen him even a little bit nervous.
Maggie is aiming for breadsticks suitable for a Greek Taverna rather than the Gingham Altar. Think Mamma Mia rather than Harrods Food Hall.
George Despair Quote of the Week (again): “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
*shudders*
Are breadsticks “a waste of time”?! Leave your opinions in the comments.
“It’s starting to flap”, says Giuseppe, summing up my approach to deadlines. The less said about the sound it’s making the better...
Paul: “We have an Italian in the tent so he’ll be fine”.
Giuseppe: “I’ve never made this before”.
Enough with the olives, already.
Maggie: “I think I can blag my way through it.” – a quote that reflects all our lives.
The technical is ...
… a batch of 15 olive and cheese ciabatta breadsticks! Now I’m not saying that the breadsticks I made for a Showstopper two years ago inspired this challenge, but I’m also not not saying that…
It was me, Scott. So fickle to forget so soon?! Anyway, I’m worried about Maggie and Jürgen (!!!) after that one!
Who was that?! Anyway, well done Giuseppe.
First handshake of the season! Only the most handsome, talented and humble bakers get handshakes in Bread Week – a truly elite gang.
When a handshake brings you to tears. Well done, Giuseppe! #GBBO pic.twitter.com/ED8sHOKA62
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) October 5, 2021
WARNING: JÜRGEN NOT PERFECT *ALERT*
Then again, his bake consisted of kippers and eggs. Not exactly sure what else he was expecting.
Oh no! Jürgen’s ended up tight, wet and cakey. Poor thing.
Well this judging is a mixed bag, isn’t it? I’m refusing to look at Crystelle’s as it includes The Most Disgusting Ingredient Of All.
Garlic is one of few ingredients to be measured solely with your heart. Go on Rochica, I’m with you.
Why is Paul tilting and pushing off any topping? It’s a topping ffs.
George’s risky double dough seems to have paid off, but Maggie’s definitely in the firing line. Paul doesn’t like elements of bakes that are just balanced on top - and Maggie has just dared to break this secret (stupid) rule...
It’s the Signature judging.
Let’s get for-back-ccia action (I’m sorry.)
The ancient Japanese proverb.
Jürgen talks. We listen. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/o5j7AOSqna
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) October 5, 2021
Crystelle realises that the Signature challenge is before the watershed: “OH MY MUM.”
Why didn’t Maggie spread her focaccia to the edges of her tray? Or has it shrunk, like my pre-pandemic wardrobe?
“I have never ever looked into an oven in my life!” Maggie’s living a life we never knew we could have.
The dimple-pressing is quite erotic isn’t it.
Oh my, did anyone see Crystelle’s oven glove there? It was like one of those socks with individual toes on it.
George’s Despair of the Week (so far): “Waiting around is TORTURING me.”
Chigs is making a pepperoni focaccia (and is continuing his attempts to win over The Youth with some brightly festooned trainers, bruv).
Matt Lucas points out that Prue doesn’t watch Bake Off. Reminds me of the event Channel 4 did to launch Bake Off, when she helpfully pointed out to a room full of journalists that you could “just fast forward the adverts.”
And sitting down while everyone else panics, apparently.
Phew, Crystelle is there! But she is using fennel, which means she should be sent home immediately.
All I know about Freya is that she loves coffee and fajitas.
Amanda pressing into her focaccia: “my cat does this at home.”
Me before I realise what she is on about: your cat bakes focaccia?
goodness
Isolation life. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/TnxGi91psl
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) October 5, 2021
Oh look, Freya’s there too. Has anyone seen or heard from Crystelle? Is she there?!
Very wise of George to make two doughs to see which one rises better – my money’s on the one with more water. I LOVE the look of Rochica’s.
Blue plaster alert! Chigs appears to have mauled his right index finger.
Can we talk about Amanda’s phenomenal pun work? Last week in the sesame flavoured Brandy Snaps was called Open Sesame. This week her grain-fuelled focaccia is Chasing Grainbows.
This is either a love letter to British cuisine or he is purposefully trying to do badly because he is embarrassed at constantly winning.
What fresh hell is Jürgen’s focaccia?! Kippers and boiled eggs? It’s a massive no from me.
Prue has described Lizzie’s bake as “peasant bread”. I suppose it makes a change from calling things “rustic”.
I want to be a guest on Lizzie’s ‘Eat Champagne and Carbs’ day out.
What are our thoughts on olives? My view is that as you get older your taste buds die, and that’s why people like them.
Maggie’s flavouring with some thyme. Maybe she can lend some to Lizzie, who’s eternally late.
Thank god you’re here Michael.
No.
Doesn’t focaccia take bloody ages to make?
Noel while talking about the focaccia: “It needs to have an open, irregular crumb structure.” You can tell he practiced that.
The signature this week is ...
… a focaccia!
A focaccia coming atcha.
My arms are naans and my head’s a chapati, for I am the lord of the loaf said he.”
I did snigger at this, I have to say. They should’ve scrapped that weird fish thing and used that song instead.
Just Paul?
GBBO fans squirm as Michael 'slowly pokes' his dough with his fingershttps://t.co/0GpqojFmpg pic.twitter.com/QlmN9aussa
— The Scottish Sun (@ScottishSun) October 8, 2019
Finding that image unearthed a whole thread of horrified tweets that I did not see at the time. Such fun.
We’re going to have Paul sticking his fingers in dough again aren’t we?
Ah, yes. Those were the days.
No moment from Bread Week on Bake Off will ever beat this pic.twitter.com/2yKRI0ldGU
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) October 5, 2021
I … didn’t get the joke in that opener. I wish they would just talk to the camera like Mel and Sue in The Olden Days.
Oh and in a new feature I’m calling ‘George’s Despair of the Week,’ we’ll highlight a moment when George is extremely exasperated, like last week when he shouted “WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS THIS” while having to cut a heart out of his ja̶m̶m̶i̶e̶ ̶d̶o̶d̶g̶e̶r̶ jammie biscuit.
And of course, let’s not forget Bake Off bingo!
- Punny bake titles
- Paul fingering his pockets (why doesn’t he put the whole hand in?)
- Maggie referring to herself in the third person and/or saying the word “frightfully”
- Noel asking the bakers if they dream in colour
- Bakers complaining that they don’t bake bread
I also predict a handshake this week. Just a rumbling in my gut which could also be a medical complaint, so your guess is as good as mine.
If you got distracted during Bake Off by eating a ‘Generic Shortbread Biscuit With A Heart In The Middle’ last week, here is a quick recap of what happened:
- Maggie has a campervan
- Rochida answers phone calls with a fancy headset
- Jürgen has a standing desk
Hello, yes it is I, Michael of the 26.2 miles. An athlete, you say? Well, your words, not mine. What better way to recover than watching nine strangers battle bread on the telly with you lovely lot?
Hello and welcome to The Guardian’s Bake Off liveblog with myself and London Marathon hero Michael Chakraverty, who is kindly joining us while having an ice bath for his sore thighs.
It’s Bread Week. I know! Another classic, rather than a totally random themed week that unites all the viewers in anger (Festivals Week! 80s Week!). Maybe it is because they have listened to us, or maybe it is because that fresh hell is on the way. This week is, of course, the week when Paul Hollywood stands in silence while having eye sex with everyone and uttering the words “it’s raw” over and over again.
Updated
