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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Entertainment
Scott Bryan and Michael Chakraverty

The Great British Bake Off 2021: episode seven – as it happened

Jürgen in the Bake Off tent.
Jürgen in the Bake Off tent. Photograph: Channel 4

Bye! I’m off to buy a jammie biscuit and 10 identical caramel shortbread biscuit bars.

I have to say, Free-From Week sounds like yet another Very Good Idea. Sugar glass domes aside, the challenge producers are doing very well this year. Bravo! Right, I’m off. - I’ve got to frame a picture of Chigs in that shirt with those glasses. See you next time! x

As Paul says, that is very different. Goodness. Oh and they’ve just announced a 13th series of Bake Off, by the fact that applications are open. And more importantly, Chigs is wearing different glasses next week - gold frames!

Can you believe we only have two weeks before the final? Next week’s quarter-final is Free-From week, which looks to feature dairy-free, vegan and gluten-free bakes. If you listen carefully, you can hear Freya CURSING from Yorkshire.

GEORGE! The most relatable baker in the tent, he will be missed for being so honest about everything. Although he’s leaving, he should be very proud of that last Showstopper. Leave that tent with your head held high!

And we say a fond farewell to …

George. It seems the caramel gods were not smiling on him in any of the challenges, but he did himself proud with a beautiful Showstopper and we’ll miss his friendly sense of doom in the tent. He also joins the elite group of handsome week seven eliminees, so there’s always that.

Hopefully it’ll give him a bit more of a spring in his step. He’s not quite been the same recently - but now he’s clearly a frontrunner heading toward the final!

Star Baker is ...

Jürgen! That’s a surprise - Crystelle was certainly close, too. I mean, Jürgen is a consistent baker so it shouldn’t have been a surprise, really, but here we are!

It’s a lovely bunch of bakers this year, isn’t it?

It was lovely (and very stressful) television

I reckon it’s pretty clear who’ll be heading home, but it’s a tight race at the top for Star Baker. Crystelle seems to have been the most consistent, but Jürgen’s showstopper may have pipped her to the post – what do we think?

Absolutely astonishing! One of the best looking bakes so far in this series. Though apparently it tastes gross?

Lizzie’s is my favourite of the week by far in terms of style. It looks properly different, and it’s certainly dripping with finesse (with thanks to Bruno Mars for the lyrical reference).

The issue is that George had such a bad run during the previous two challenges. Could the fact that as nearly everyone struggled he will get through? Stranger things have happened on Bake Off.

Oh hang on, breathe back in again. Is his Showstopper dry Paul? Wish you could tell us.

George’s looks amazing! AND he was complimented on his sugar dome. Everybody breathe out.

Chigs has smashed the flavours, but it looks a little messy. To be fair, he did say it was a mistake, so they shouldn’t have expected too much.

Giuseppe’s bowl looks like a fogged up greenhouse and once removed looks like a Doctor Who monster. Sadly, a bit gloopy.

Jürgen’s looks very neat indeed (as always), and he is smiling for the first time in weeks!

Paul to Crystelle: “What happened to the bowl?”

All of us: “You … you were there, Paul?”

It’s time to judge the Showstoppers.

To be honest, I think these would all look better without the sugar bowls. What an unnecessary faff.

Elsewhere, Jürgen is still describing his bake to Paul and Prue: “It has a passion fruit glaze, one element is caramel and a hazelnut praline. And it has a caramel wafer. And it has a thin base …”

OH GOD! Amazing. The most astonishing thing was Chigs, George and Giuseppe in a line, gawping.

That was the worst-timed hug from Crystelle – her dome’s only gone and stuck while she thanked Lizzie. Affection has CONSEQUENCES, people!

Crystelle is totally this year’s cheerleader isn’t she? I love how she relishes everyone else’s successes (even when her dome has smashed four or five times).

Lizzie just said that she will get the word “finesse” tattooed on her. UPDATE: according to her Instagram story last week, she has - on her ankle!

This is ludicrous. Who invented caramel domes and why did they think that other people would want to do this, too?

This is the worst type of unmoulding. I can barely type as most of my fingers are in my mouth.

“As a German, I don’t really understand this English thing of putting an “s” at the end of someone’s name”, scoffs Jürgen before the camera cuts immediately to Chigs.

Can we just take the opportunity to marvel at this cactus? This is the biggest cactus I’ve ever seen!

All of that equipment has been glued in Chigs’s bowl. It looks like the time Homer Simpson decided to build a BBQ pit.

Chigs’s jug of glaze looks like when the fat separates from gravy. I don’t think attacking it with a stick blender is going to do anything other than break the blender and make the producers cross.

Noel has gone back to George’s room and unpacked his bags, dragging some of its contents back into the tent with him. Weird, intrusive … and touching.

A lovely story behind Crystelle’s cactus garden, but I did do a little snort at the cactus in question. So enormous, so bulbous, so long!

Having said that, Lizzie has been so consistent. Never Star Baker, but never at the bottom either. Could she make it to the final, though?

I am completely unable to follow the thinking behind Lizzie’s showstopper, but it does sound like the most adventurous of the lot. Also, if I never hear the word “finesse” again it’ll be too soon.

George, like most of us, is hoping to avoid a “chewy nutty mess” in the judges’ mouths. He’s apparently also packed his bags, which is just breaking my heart. I love him.

At least Jürgen’s recipe isn’t written in Comic Sans. Let’s be thankful.

107 steps for Jürgen’s Showstopper. For context, there’s 300 steps to reach the top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa, so he’s definitely going above and beyond.

And don’t think we didn’t spot that MANGO FLOWER! When, oh when, will we be free of the mangos?!

Starting to wonder if Jürgen has turned into Werner Herzog with some of his observations: “This needs to be a harmony of textures and flavours. Every element needs to generate an interest, a curiosity.”

Chigs doing the royal tour with the judges while seated is a bit of a power move, isn’t it?

Prue: “I don’t want any mistakes.”

Chigs: “My bake is called Chigs’s Caramel Mistake.”

Is … is Lizzie grating cheddar into her bake?

The showstopper challenge is ...

“A visually spectacular caramel-flavoured dessert, complete with an exquisite caramel dome or sphere. Nice and simple.” *IRONY ALARM EXPLODES*

The perfect summary of the past quarter hour.

I am truly sorry for my part in all this.

Even though George is likely to go home, I hope he gets to make a Showstopper he is proud of.

“That was another surprise”, says Giuseppe. To who? It’s a race to the top for our favourite Europeans!

Do you mean identical twisted caramel strands coated in chocolate? Stranger things have happened...

Here’s the ranking: 6. George. 5. Lizzie. 4. Crystelle 3. Chigs 2. Jürgen. 1. Giuseppe.

If I were to rank chocolate biscuits, I think identical caramel shortbread biscuit bars would come fairly near the bottom, to be honest. Milky Ways (or identical chocolate coated nougat bars) would rise to the top. What do we think BTL?

Have we? Bless them (and us).

OK they are critical of Giuseppe’s, so good luck to the rest of them. Has Jürgen even smiled this episode?

Time to judge the 10 identical caramel shortbread biscuit bars (categorically NOT Twixes).

Another challenge, another lack of time ...

How on Earth has Giuseppe made 10 perfect identical caramel shortbread biscuit bars and everyone else made sad Chocolate Fingers?

Just. Go. To. The. Shops. We. Don’t. Deserve. To. See. George. This. Upset.

What is a Twix if not a finger of millionaire’s shortbread?

“Why does this happen to me”, “This is a ffffffff-lipping nightmare”, “awful challenge”, “I hate these”. George’s sound-bites are heartbreaking this week.

Trying to work out what the word is on Crystelle’s T-shirt. It seems to end in “bol”. Any guesses?

And stressful, by the looks of it

George was so positive and upbeat before the Signature and oof – he is not any more.

Did ... did I curse him?

In case you missed how Noel described the bakers, here they are …

  • Giuseppe: “Al Pacino if he was on the Guess Who board.”
  • Chigs: “Lumberjack Robert de Niro serial killer.”
  • Jürgen: “The main puppet in The Labyrinth mixed with League of Gentleman.”
  • Lizzie: “Princess Leia dressed as a children’s bullfighter.”

Even Matt Lucas has pointed out that they can’t mention the name now. Hilarious.

Has Lizzie done an entire outfit change between challenges? She’s now dressed like a flowery lime.

The clue isn’t in the name though, is it? Because while “short” is accurate, “bread” isn’t. Hush now, Paul.

“The clue is in the name” says Paul to Prue ... while not being able to say the name due to legal reasons.

I always admire Jürgen’s sass. In German Week he elaborated that tiered yeasted cakes are not a thing. Now there’s this about the Twix technical: “I have never attempted to make the recipe. The shop bought thing is perfect as it can be, so what is the use of it?”

The technical is 10 identical caramel shortbread biscuit bars.

So Twixes, then. Damn those meddling lawyers.

“It’s all about the base”, sighs George, paraphrasing Meghan Trainor circa 2014.

Nut toffee sounds delicious though. I don’t think anyone’s come out of this very well at all, bar Crystelle?

Feel like shit, just want my Happy Jürgen back.

“This is too sweet”, says Prue. On Caramel Week. Eye roll.

They are going to end with George, aren’t they? I don’t think he’s getting a handshake.

Quite a thick bottom on Crystelle’s, by my reckoning, but it goes down well. Chigs’s tart looks incredible, but the judges aren’t massive fans.

“The pipework’s good”. Oo-err.

I do love Lizzie’s dungarees.

Lizzie: “This is ‘My Tart Will Go On’ and just like the Titanic, it was a disaster movie.” My belief that Lizzie should be a children’s author or a CBeebies Bedtime Story reader is resolute.

On to the judging ...

Some good ‘uns from the looks of things, and also there’s George’s ...

This is giving me exasperated teacher talking to a stroppy child.

“I can’t help you if you won’t tell me what’s wrong”

Updated

He should have left off the cream and let the caramel set in the fridge while they tidy the tent before judging, I think – but the heat of the tent does dastardly things to the best of minds (need I remind you that I left in week seven?).

George has curdled custard and is piping a turd of cream on top. No! Don’t grab the turd-cream with your hands! This is HORRID.

Lizzie and George leaning next to the oven together feels like *a moment*

Half of these tarts look like bubbling uranium, I’m not going to lie.

“What do you think of this jiggle”: me to prospective suitors.

Ohh, I’m very aware. Have you SEEN his chain? It’s a good job I’m sitting down.

Chigs is also wearing an open shirt. Michael, I just thought you should know.

Chigs: “I kind of sound like I know what I’m on about.” That quote reflects all of adulthood, if I’m honest.

In case you’re wondering, wet caramel is when you dissolve sugar in water before boiling it to the right temperature, and dry caramel is when you just melt sugar in the pan. As always, I find the wetter the better, but each to their own.

In one of my auditions for Bake Off, another person did the exact same thing. We were picking rice out of her pastry for hours.

Once, while making a tart, I stupidly forgot to add the paper layer underneath the baking beans, resulting in boiling, glued-down beans.

I don’t think I could tell you what a kumquat actually tastes like? Also, Jürgen seems to have lost his joy recently. Perhaps he’s been visited by everyone’s favourite donkey in the Hundred Acre Wood.

Giuseppe’s thoughts on caramel (I think): “It doesn’t like moisture, it doesn’t like it too hot, it doesn’t like it too cold … I’m used to dealing with an Italian wife so …”

Crystelle’s tart sounds delicious! Whose tart do we most like the sound of BTL please?

CHANTILLY CREAM! Lizzie has used the forbidden ingredient early on this week. I’m afraid this means she should be eliminated immediately. I don’t make the rules (I literally do).

Lizzie is continuing the legacy of Amanda’s phenomenal puns with her own in her Signature: “My tart will go on.”

“The freezer’s my friend in this”, says George, who last week accidentally froze a sausage so solid that it was cold for over an hour after baking.

Did anyone else see Chigs fingering the flour out of his jar? Just shake it, man!

BRB I’m going to put a bet on at the local bookies that Lizzie says she absolutely hates the thing that she is supposed to be baking this week.

I’m concerned about Crystelle’s droopy sleeves. Especially around burning hot sugar.

The signature is a highly decorative, sharing-sized caramel tart!

As if those are to share.

“I’m feeling fairly confident”, says George. Odds on, he’s going home this evening.

Giuseppe always has wet hair in the talking heads before they start, doesn’t he? He needs to get out of bed earlier. And Jürgen is always there to list the chemical breakdown of whatever he’s baking.

ALERT! Chigs is wearing glasses and an unbuttoned plaid shirt! *fans self*

I don’t know about you, but that oven glove feels very relatable.

Our Forbidden Ingredient this week is chantilly cream. I’ve made my thoughts on this extremely clear over the past few years, but in case you’ve somehow missed them, it’s because there’s nothing chantilly about it. It’s just whipped cream. I shall die on this hill.

Well, we all have to be wrong sometimes. Anyway, let’s set up our bingo!

  • Caramel that hasn’t set, has set too much or has burned.
  • Scott complaining about caramel.
  • Lizzie despising baking ... on a baking show.
  • Jürgen ignoring the presenters.
  • Prue dressing as Elmer the Elephant.
  • Paul shattering someone’s confidence.
  • Cracks. There’s always cracks.

I also just want to say officially, right off the bat, that caramel is terrible. It gets stuck to the roof of your mouth. Who wants that? Anyway, hello everyone and welcome. Please don’t tell me what caramel treats you’ve bought with you, I won’t be able to handle it.

I was eliminated in week seven of my year after having to grill Malaysian layer cakes so this week could prove triggering for me ...

Hello everybody. Last week’s Bake Off was phenomenal, easily the best episode of the series so far. In case you missed it, here’s a quick recap:

  • The episode started with a joke about jockstraps.
  • Then Prue said: “Quite often I need two holes, so that I can squirt. If you squeeze the bag, and when you meet that little bit of resistance, that means it’s full.”
  • George then said: “This is my big, massive sausage.”
  • He then froze his sausage. This was then followed up with the narration: “George’s sausage is rock hard.”
  • “Nice finger action”, said Noel. “I know”, responded Giuseppe.
  • [Editor: can you tell us what actually happened in the episode, Scott???] Fine. Amanda left the tent and Crystelle got a handshake in the Showstopper.

Hello hello hello! Michael here, accompanied as ever by the lovely Scotty. This week is the return of Caramel Week, last seen in 2018 and, in my view, a Very Good Idea for a theme. Caramel’s everywhere you look these days, including Korean dramas …

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