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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Entertainment
Scott Bryan and Michael Chakraverty

The Great British Bake Off 2020: semi-final – as it happened

Noel and Matt keep an eye on the week nine bakes.
Noel and Matt keep an eye on the week nine bakes. Photograph: Love Productions

I’m off to get myself a creamed horn. See you for the final.

… as well as each taking a turn to be on top. What a ride it’s been.

Michael.

And there we have it - our three finalists for 2020! Laura, Peter and Dave. They’ve all held their nerve through tricky weeks, each flirting with the bottom ...

RIGHTY HO! RINKY DINK! OKEY DOKEY! Scottish Peter has sprung Forth into the final with his second Star Baker win, the only baker to have done so this series. And with everyone so close so far, there’s gotta be a good chance he’ll be the actual winner of the whole series. Although I did say this too with Hermine. JEEPERS CREEPERS!

It’s really hard, I think, being eliminated in the semi-final. To be so close, but not to make it all the way, must be rough. I reckon the best time to leave is between weeks six and eight - you’ve given enough to prove yourself, but you’re not so close you can picture what might have been. Plus, you’re just so knackered you’re craving a nice lie down.

Hermine has been a wonderful contestant - steadily climbing the ranks with her deadpan grace and humour. She’ll really be missed - but what a time she had! A handshake, two star bakers and a cake inspired by a tree in Slough.

A shocker! Poor Hermine. Her bakes were swell, especially her poppy jelly cake, the finest Showstopper since the BBC Bread Lion years. But it’s never really about the bakes on Bake Off, it’s about the person. Hermine was the finest in the tent: so pure, so honest, deadpan and delightful. I’m gutted she won’t be there for the final, but she should really be proud of her time on the show.

Hermine is leaving the tent this week

And Peter is Star Baker!

Agreed. We’ve seen a lot of bakers fall at the Showstopper hurdle this year - it’s made for a tense old watch (and a lot of horrible comments on Twitter, but that’s another thing).

I think it all comes down to the end product. If it doesn’t taste nice but another baker’s tastes better, regardless of how it looks, the other baker should go through. The technique shouldn’t be a factor. When you eat a bake, you don’t care about that.

It’s hard to call at the bottom this week. Laura had a shocker in the Technical, but Hermine’s Showstopper was a disaster. I also don’t necessarily agree with the judges implying Hermine worked harder by making two flavours of cube - Laura made a five-layer dessert!

I hate to say it, but it looks like your predictions about Hermine were right.

Oh, Hermine. The look is wrong, the taste is wrong, the texture is wrong. As the Patisserie Queen, this must be really gutting. My heart aches for her.

Peter asking Paul and Prue to taste parts of his bake they haven’t tried is something I’ve never seen on Bake Off before. Usually the bakers actively ask Paul and Prue to avoid trying a section of their bake. It’s so cute.

Peter’s showstopper. Oh my wow. Surely a SHOO-IN for Star Baker, with three different mousses, three different cakes and three different glazes all baked in four and a half hours. Cracking stuff.

“It’s worth all the calories,” jokes Prue. Let’s just take a moment to be thankful that this catchphrase from Prue never caught on 💖

It feels somewhat brutal hearing all this praise knowing that Hermine and Laura had such a horrible time. That said, it looks like Laura’s smashed it in the flavour and texture department – and it sounds like the heat had a lot to do with the runny glaze …

It’s the Showstopper judging, starting off with Dave’s celebration of chocolate cake.

It’s a “triumph,” according to Paul. See you in the final.

Dave and Peter look like they had a great Showstopper challenge. They should really try not to be smug in front of Laura and Hermine, who have just been through hell.

Laura’s bench looks like she ate an out-of-date tuna wrap and had a rather explosive accident.

Ohh, Laura’s looking out for Hermine despite having a nightmare of her own to contend with. That’s so lovely.

Yikes, Laura’s mirror glaze is nowhere near thick enough … and Hermine appears to have made her own version of those weird jelly stock pots.

Just be thankful Noel isn’t staring over our shoulders whilst we do this liveblog, Michael.

That was some very quick maths.

I’m loving Dave ignoring Noel’s Narnia rambles. We’ve all been there.

Dave has to cut out his cubes from silicone mats using a knife because he can’t get them out of the cubes the proper way. Each mat costs £9 each. As he’s making 25 of them, has Dave just ruined … £27 worth of baking equipment? We love to see it.

Hermine’s mousse looks verrrryyyyy runny…

Why is Bake Off, a show that has just given Channel 4 their highest viewing figures since 1985, relying on those £1 desk fans?

Oh look – Dave is, in fact, using caramel to stick it together. Sigh.

“Mousse-s”, “Mousse-i”, “Meese”. What is the plural of mousse? Come to think of it, what is the plural of Moose? Help.

Looks like Dave writes and prints out the instructions for himself in Comic Sans.

Talking of risks, Dave is also making an edible stand. Because of course he is. After yesterday, let’s hope he isn’t using caramel to stick it together.

Hermine has just told Paul that she wrote her recipe for today’s Showstopper yesterday morning, and as a result she hasn’t been able to practice any of it. It has a real ‘doing an exam without any revision’ vibe, but those people who did that in class still always got an A, didn’t they? Hermine could easily do too ...

Ohhhhh nooooo Hermine, this is a recipe for disaster. Literally. A recipe. For disaster.

You don’t know how he spends his holidays.

It’s time. To face. The CUBE! Where’s Phillip Schofield when you need him?!

It's the Showstopper.

A cube cake made out of 25 mini cubes, so it looks like a rubix cube.

They have four and a half hours to do it which, fun fact, is the exact time it takes to get from London to Glasgow Central by train (another fun fact: I’m single.)

I’m going to have a cold shower.

So it feels like after those two challenges Laura and Hermine are both dangling at the bottom – Hermine’s Signature was disappointing but smashed the Technical, and Laura’s Signature was great but she couldn’t quite get to grips with her floppy horn in the Technical.

Here’s where we are standing after the technical. Laura is last (“it was not your finest hour”). Third: David (“they were a little bit solid” 👀👀👀👀). Second: Hermine (“the decoration was really awful, but it was nicely baked”). First: Peter.

A question I didn’t think I would ask but I will now: do you think Bake Off is horny?

Technical judging... my word

Peter’s horn has *not* pleased Paul. No satisfying curve, apparently. Personally I feel he should be more inclusive.

The presentation of Dave’s horn has made me a bit weak at the knees.

I haven’t seen so many wonky horns in one place since I watched an episode of Naked Attraction.

Laura is struggling to get her horn to stand tall and proud. Shouldn’t worry, it happens to the best of us.

I give up. I can’t suppress the smut. I cannot WAIT to see them erect their horns.

Her enthusiasm for this challenge is like all of us with this year.

Laura baking her dough “til it goes brown” is a MOOD.

Who else can’t shake that mental image of Noel on Hermine’s shoulder with a trenchcoat “horn-a-plenty” coming out of Hermine’s crotch? What is with some of the things Noel is saying this year?

I guarantee the instructions simply said “temper the chocolate”. We had that last year and wracked our brains for AGES to remember the correct tempering temperatures – and they didn’t even show it in the edit. I’m over it, can you tell?

“I am going to have the biggest glass of gin and sambuca chasers,” says Laura. Thank god they ordered gin for that bubble.

Second only to having minimal instructions, having loads of instructions in a technical is AWFUL. It makes less sense the more you read.

Oh no, the pressure does seem to be getting to Laura. Remember: they’ve been baking for over 30 days straight by this point, isolated from their friends and family, on camera, during a global pandemic. It must have been GRUELLING. My heart goes out to her.

What is worse than technical challenge instructions written in Comic Sans? Instructions written in Comic Sans that also come with t-e-m-p-l-a-t-e-s.

Anyone else hear the trepidation in Righty Ho Peter’s voice as Noel approached from behind?

“So Prue, you want to taste some of my horn?,” says Paul. DEFCON ONE.

This is going to be an extremely phallic-looking challenge, Michael. Even more phallic than the time 2017 baker Julia made a “snail” Showstopper.

Apparently their horns “must be firm”. Oo-err. Damnit. No smut, starting now.

The technical is called a Danish “Horn of Plenty”.

Oh PLEASE. I’m going to be strong, and resist the temptation for smut.

HANDSHAKE KLAXON! That’s only the third this year (after Lottie’s punny florentines and Hermine’s fishy quiches). His patisserie did look fab though.

It looks like Peter’s made some delicious bars of soap.

If I had to eat any of these, it’d be Laura’s followed by Dave’s, I think. Though I do wish Dave had made a mango creme anglaise instead of a curd, if I may be so bold.

On to the Signature judging ...

Laura’s savarin comes with a free vaccine, by the look of it.

Seriously, you guys are the best.

A late entry to pronunciation bingo from Dave there with “sava-ron”. Thoughts? Elsewhere, Rinky Dink Peter is adding to his illustrious lexicon, declaring his bench to be a “concentration station”.

And now she’s starting another batch from scratch, right now? This has real “starting the essay 10 hours before the essay is due” vibes.

Has Hermine made Yorkshire Puddings?

My vote is for Victoria, with an honourable mention to Princess Anne/Vanessa Kirby

All the bakers are really stressed. Cue Matt Lucas imitating Pingu loudly at Hermine.

Proving dough in a roasting tent is an absolute nightmare. In our bread week, dough that usually took an hour to prove took 20 minutes - playing HAVOC with our timings.

Peter: “I am going to bring back Week One Star Baker.” In case you are fearing what actually constituted Star Baker during the Cake Bust From Hell Week, a reminder that

Peter’s Chris Hoy cake bust was really impressive. Now that I’ve mentioned that, I have an excuse to show you this cake bust again.

Scottish Peter is not including alcohol because four-year-olds are not allowed to drink. A reminder: he is the same age as the Millenium Dome. *screams into a pillow*

MANGO KLAXON! Beyond a joke at this point. Even worse, Dave’s adding tequila - the source of many painful university memories (or a lack thereof).

Updated

Is she going to do what is affectionately now called “a Linda”?

The number of times they’ve said it’s Hermine’s week has made me fear it might *not* be Hermine’s week.

I once made a Savarin and fun fact: it was the only technical that gave me food poisoning. I was off work for two days. I was warned. It was described by my boss at the time as being “the worst thing you have ever baked,” which is something.

Updated

We’re back at “gen-oh-eese” vs “gen-wahhz” again, only this time it’s “sav-a-rin” vs “sav-a-ran”. Where do we sit on this one? Do we care?

The Signature is to make twelve “patisserie”, which seems a bit vague.

Apparently they must use pâte à savarin, which doesn’t make it much clearer.

I find it rather surreal that everyone says this is going to be Hermine’s week because of her love of patisserie, when in reality every week is Hermine’s week.

Oh, it looks like it’s going to be a hot episode again. Shall we do a tally of how many times they mention how completely sweltering it is in the tent? (Can confirm that if I was in a hot tent I would totally complain about the heat with every breath I took).

Do they make these opening gags in the five minutes before everyone clocks off for the week? The BBC ones were so much better.

I’d like to add Scottish Peter saying something from 1940 to this list.

I’ve asked Scott and he says that every time any of these happen you must eat a mango.

Updated

Not only are we on mango watch (as ever), let’s also play pronunciation bingo! I’ll kick us off:

How is it the semi-final already?! I was really sad to see lovely Marc leaving the tent last week, but it felt like the right call. And lest we forget, Hermine became the first baker this year to win two Star Bakers … could she make it three? She has been named the Patisserie Queen, after all ...

Hello and welcome to The Great British Bake Off Guardian liveblog. It’s Patisserie Week and we are already at the semi-final! I know! We’re flying through.

A quick recap of last week: everyone had a wobble (literally, with all that jelly), we said goodbye to lovely Marc, Hermine baked one of the finest Showstoppers the show has ever seen, and Mr Spoon uttered this rather threatening thing to Pete – something that still feels rather unsettling a whole week later.

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