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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Entertainment
Scott Bryan and Michael Chakraverty

The Great British Bake Off 2020: episode three – as it happened

Lottie
All smiles for Lottie and Matt Lucas – but will she survive bread week? Photograph: Mark Bourdillon/Love Productions

And the surprise that Marc’s family is in the Bake Off bubble!

What a heartwarming moment. See you for Chocolate Week.

Updated

I too am going to miss Rowan. May your relatable quotes live forever as Twitter reactions and memes on Google Images. Remember, 2019 Henry walked so Rowan could RUN.

And we say goodbye to Rowan.

GUTTED to see Rowan go. He made an enormous impression with his creative ambition, unflappable positivity and the inability to feel stress. Plus he gave us this, which I will be using as a reaction image to almost everything for the next year:

Star Baker goes to... Marc!

Congratulations to Marc - a truly well deserved Star Baker, rising past Hermine’s Handshake. For the second week running, the recipient of the Hollywood Handshake appears to have been cursed for the remainder of the episode… a trend to keep an eye on, perhaps.

I beg your pardon? Anyway, it looks like Peter and David have joined Rowan at the bottom, but Marc could *just* pip Hermine to the post? What do we think?

Updated

Okay, so Paul is unimpressed but I completely disagree, I think they did a great job. Bread week is rough, never mind the fact that Paul never stops prowling around while you desperately bash your dough.

Rowan’s bake is tremendous. Also, rather phallic.

Although it is now being criticised for the lack of proving, the lack of blue cheese and the bland taste. Oh and it needs salt. “All style, no substance” critiques Hollywood. “All style, no substance, that’s me,” responded Rowan. Quip of the night.

Marc looks like he’s nailed Star Baker. “It looks good, tastes good, smells good. It is good.”

I did wonder how long it would take for you to bring up that lion. Matt wants to try Sura’s balls. “Can I go?”, she deadpans back at him.

It's the Showstopper judging.

It’s time to judge the plaques.

Nothing will beat the bread lion. I will never get over the fact that he did not get Star Baker but got a ‘Special Commendation’ for his bread lion. Still not over it five years on.

“It’ll probably taste appalling but I’m quite pleased with the look.” Rowan can see the writing on the wall but is having a lovely time anyway. We love to see it.

Despite my initial cynicism I think this is actually a cracker of a challenge, though all the challenges this week seem extremely short in terms of time. Perhaps they had to rush to the pub before 10pm.

“I take every opportunity to take a mindful breath to take me back to the current moment,” says Marc, as we watch the bakers around him succumb to the chaos. Marc is the Headspace App.

Laura is unimpressed with Paul’s distaste for glitter. ‘What a sad little life’, she muses - giving me strong Come Dine WIth Me vibes.

“These are the tomatoes, with feta inside,” says Sura adding little bits to her scene. Peter from across the tent: “this is the Forth Rail Bridge.” Did you know he was Scottish?

What would you celebrate in a bread plaque? Answers BTL.

This feels to be the main takeaway of bread week so far.

Irish Mark reminds me of Paddington Bear. Anyone else?

Linda is baking a scene from a rural farm. Rowan is baking a huge pear tree. Hermine is baking a scene depicting the M20 through Kent (this is not a joke).

Updated

Rowan drops another 2020 quote: “It’s probably cursed, but I’m going to have fun anyway.”

Really, really lovely from Marc. Elsewhere, Laughing Linda is discussing the circle of life and the pitfalls of churning milk. Did she grow up in The Good Life?

The bakers have to bake something that they are grateful for. Marc’s ‘Dharma’ bake is based on a book on Buddhism that helped him after an accident caused him to lose his leg. “It made it a lot clearer what I needed to do to still live a life and make my life worth living.” Good on you, Marc.

It’s the bread Showstopper.

The first week was 3D cake busts. Last week was a 3D biscuit scene. This week’s Showstopper is a bread plaque. Naturally.

Updated

I reckon Hermine and the Marc/ks are up at the top this week, what do you all think?

Talking of soundbites, he’s just dropped another clanger: “Well I had a fabulous time. It was a really good challenge. The result wasn’t great”.

The shapes were all over the place. Here’s the current standings: Rowan is last (he’s doomed), David is ninth, Sura is eighth, Hermine is seventh, Laura is sixth, Lottie is fifth, Peter is fourth, Mark is third, Marc is second … and Linda has come first.

That puts Rowan properly at risk this week. Hoping he goes out all guns blazing by dropping innuendos and soundbites that sum up 2020 whilst necking cups of tea.

And now it is time for the Bake Off technical judging.

Some of the boys look like they’ve had haircuts. Were there hairdressers in the Bake Off Bubble? Give us the behind-the-scenes spin-off we deserve!

This is an extremely 2020 hobby, actually. I’m here for it.

User avatar for Lidoswimmer

So everyone else over-achieves with hobbies and skills. Lottie gets p*ssed on the beach.

I’m going to use you as reactions on Twitter from now on, Michael.

Like I said, Pride erasure.

Also, look at Lovely Laura encouraging Laughing Linda. I’d like her to follow me around murmuring soothing words, too. “It’s going to be okay, Michael”. “Don’t worry, I think you’re funny, Michael”. “You shouldn’t have been eliminated in week seven, Michael”.

Proving them, baking them, now boiling them?! Rowan’s bagels disintegrate the moment they enter the pan. This technical challenge is 100% “just go to the shops” isn’t it?

Also, Michael, you’re now a reaction meme?!

Lottie is wisely checking her measurements, confusing Dave who apparently has never heard of a ruler.

Rowan is also measuring. “I think in inches. That’s nine and a half inches. I think that’s respectable, isn’t it?”. He’s doing my job for me this week. Oh, now he has dropped both his balls. Stop it. Behave.

Thought Lottie had turned her hands blue but then I realised that she’s wearing a glove because she had clearly had done a Michael.

Never mind the benches, think of the bakers’ hands! Fun fact: washing your hands with toothpaste gets rid of food colouring. Don’t ask how I discovered this.

Praying for the production assistant who had to wash that quantity of dye out from the work benches. They must have had a hell of an evening.

Twist it. Flick it. Bop it.

Hollywood emphasised that there needs to be kneading. Rowan has taken it to heart and is currently body slamming his against the table, shouting “WHACK IT.”

I will not take this Pride erasure.

It's now the technical challenge

This week they “knead” (nobody laughs) to bake six rainbow coloured bagels. Paul Hollywood says that the rainbow bagels “represents the NHS,” which is bound to go down well on Twitter.

HOLLYWOOD HANDSHAKE!

for Hermine, who, according to Matt’s minimal baking expertise, has “invented a bread”

Updated

Paul tears Linda’s soda bread apart both literally and figuratively, yet she can’t help but give him a cheeky wink as he leaves. We love Linda, right?

Lottie’s bake was “not evenly spread”, Peter’s bake was “stodgy,” Marc’s “cake-like”, Rowan’s was like “eating a lemon drizzle cake in a sandstorm.” If we are judging by criticisms of the bake rather than the bake themselves, Rowan comes up top.

Poor Peter. He earlier realised that gluten-free baking doesn’t mix particularly well with bread, which is famous for requiring gluten. It often results in, well, crumbs.

Elsewhere, Prue notices Rowan’s “very big lumps of sausage”. Matt asks if Rowan is partial to a “lot of sausage”. Rowan “wouldn’t care to comment”. Carnage.

I really need Prue to clear her throat. I’ve found myself clearing mine four times in the last five minutes in the hope it might sway her. Nothing yet, will report back.

I completely missed that they were making two soda breads. Colour me 50% more impressed that they managed all this in only 105 minutes.

It's the Signature Judging.

This means that this will officially be the last time you will be subjected to soda bread until a level three lockdown in your local area.

Puts fingers in ears. LA LA LA LA LA.

Last week, we enjoyed a thread of Noel Fielding as cakes. This week, please see Matt Lucas as cakes.

Scott, I want you to see this. I want you to see this, and understand this:

“It is what it is” - as Rowan completes his bake. It’s like everything he says can easily be applied to sum up 2020. Like last week, when he said this:

Meanwhile, here’s Marc:

“

I’ve never made butter and I don’t really know why you would”.

Laura is all of us.

Updated

Lottie is haggling with Paul’s ambiguous grunts. “60 grams of blueberries. Maybe less, even. No? No, maybe more? Or none. No, NONE. I’m not putting in any.”

Laura’s pizza oven has also been mentioned for a second week running. It’s a shame that COVID meant that friends and family can’t turn up for the final, otherwise the pizza oven could have appeared in person.

Scottish Peter is wearing tartan, in case you hadn’t noticed he was Scottish yet. Elsewhere, Sura is claiming that she is “quietly confident”. Not sure it counts when you say it loudly. Sort of undermines the premise.

Struggling to remain safe for work as Marc’s face is glazed with an explosion of buttermilk.

We are all keeping tallies this week. I am also going to keep a tally of Rowan’s waistcoats: today is YELLOW.

Rowan and his partner are kicking off the tea tally with TWO in their backstory video! He has also announced that he is making a “gritty” soda bread. *weary sigh*

Last week we found out that Linda (the one that baked the battenberg ambulance), is also a keen gardener. This week we are also told that Linda loves to go mackerel fishing in her spare time. Tell me, how do they find the time? I barely keep up with WhatsApp messages

Linda’s laughing sparks so much joy. This loop of her having a lovely time is a wonderful sound to fall asleep to if, like me, the sound of rain makes you need a wee:

Noel tells us that Mark “loves to travel for his job”. From his bed to his desk, from the looks of it. I do the same, and I’m often very late to work.

Soda bread! What a rare treat! I’ve seen nobody else attempt this all year!

So...da bread! It’s time for the Signature!

Very proud of that one. Here all night. And for the foreseeable, as I’m currently locked inside in the North East.

“Hello Love Productions. I would like to report an embellishment on an application form.”

Bread is something I’ve had to teach myself for this. I kind of wish I hadn’t practiced, to be honest. I felt more confident before.”

Head Girl Lottie, saying it like it is. Like Lottie, I also lied on my application form and said I made bread weekly. WEEKLY. Can you imagine?!

Updated

Paul Hollywood engaging with pop culture via tiny hands has me feeling markedly uncomfortable.

Come to think of it we should also do a tally counting the number of times Noel and Matt Lucas have held hands at the very start of an episode. We’re on the second week, it’s very pure (by episode five we won’t even notice).

Before we get cracking, let’s start a tea tally. SURELY we’ll get at least five strikes from Rowan alone, as he calmly sips cups of tea during numerous crises.

(The eagle-eyed amongst you may have noticed that I accidentally changed identity briefly there. I’m back to being me, I think.)

I’ve just moved house, but have made sure my telly was the first thing unpacked because (contractual obligations aside) there was no WAY I could miss this king of all weeks, the crowning glory of all carbs, etc etc. Did you know that the Star Bakers of Bread Week are known as the most talented, handsome and humble bakers of all?

Updated

If you missed last week, a quick recap. We thought we were going to say goodbye to Rowan (he was the one who made Florentines inspired by his collection of 22 waistcoats), but it was actually Mak (who made an IKEA dinner set) that left the tent. And even though it was biscuit week, nearly 70% of the episode consisted of mangos...

It’s Bread Week! That’s right. The week that consists of Paul maintaining silent eye contact as he jabs his thumb into loaves while the bakers remind us every 36 seconds that “bread is Paul’s speciality”.

Updated

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