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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Entertainment
Scott Bryan and Michael Chakraverty

The Great British Bake Off 2020: episode eight – as it happened

Dave takes on Dessert Week.
Dave takes on Dessert Week. Photograph: Love Productions

Plus, that makes Hermine the first person to win Star Baker twice this season...

Next week is patisserie… *shudders*. My main hope for the penultimate episode is that we remain mango-free, and that nobody pronounces crème pattisière as creme patisserie.

‘Til Tuesday, friends.

Updated

They don’t traditionally give handshakes for the Showstopper, apart from one Rahul did, but this deserved one. That was Bread Lion good.

Let’s also celebrate the incredible feat of jelly engineering from Hermine’s Showstopper – one of the most exquisite looking Showstoppers the tent has seen in a LONG TIME. A well deserved Star Baker.

I love when a baker’s personality shines through the competition. For Marc it was his love of everything Cornwall and that time the cream exploded on his face. He is also such a lovely man - it’s a joy that he was able to be in the Bake Off tent with his family.

Poor Marc. It just shows that one poor Showstopper is all it takes to get booted. According to this fantastic data-driven Bake Off Twitter user, Marc was on course to being a finalist.

Lovely Marc's excessive wobble has cast him from the tent.

What a wonderful man, though. The most gorgeous, calming presence. He accepted leaving, as ever, with enormous grace.

I’m glad we heard Paul talking about the weight that’s given to the Showstopper. I’ve always thought that the Showstopper is actually the most important of the bakes - if you flunk it, no matter how you were doing previously, it’s curtains for you.

Honestly, I think this might be one of those Showstoppers that goes down in history - absolutely stunning work by Hermine.

BREAKING NEWS: The Bake Off team’s inspiration for this challenge...

Updated

Hermine is *whispers* my predicted winner of Bake Off 2020. She hardly gets anything wrong.

It’s SO CLOSE THIS WEEK! Hermine’s cake looks stunning - perhaps she’s pipped Laura to the post? Flavours and design on point.

Worth noting that Prue calls it GenWAHz.

Omg Marc is having a hell of the week. Paul looks as if he is cutting into a paving slab. A surprise disaster! I didn’t predict any of this after watching the challenge.

I want to watch Paul try to pick up jelly on a loop. Visual ASMR.

Gosh, Peter is certainly in the bottom this week isn’t he!? His bake apparently tastes like a trifle. Which would be good, except he wasn’t asked to make a trifle.

“Not the easiest cake to cut”, says Paul to Peter. When this is a challenge consisting of jelly, I don’t get why this is a criticism?!

Anyone else noticed the Dave shuggle during judging?

Dave’s looks lovely but a lot simpler than the others. Like it might have been made on Microsoft Paint.

Prue thinks it’s lovely but “wants to quarrel” with his mousse. Sounds like they’ve been in the bubble a long, long time.

The irony of Laura making two pond puddings in two days is not lost on me.

Laura for Star Baker I reckon. If not, definitely through to next week.

Showstopper judging...

You know we had those minor earthquakes in the British countryside over the summer? I wish there was one of those during this moment, just to see all of these jellies collectively wobble.

Still not over the technical...

Listen up, heathens:

But is it chor-EETZ-oh, scho-RITH-oh, or chor-EES-oh?

“Jeepers Creepers”. Drink!

Let’s just be thankful that Laura doesn’t look after our nuclear weapons.

Laura unmoulding her cake in peak Laura fashion:

Just so we’ve acknowledged it, this challenge requires a LOT OF SKILL and they’re all doing BRILLIANTLY.

If I was one of them, the temptation to directly syringe all of this jelly mixture directly into my open mouth ... is strong.

Oh, and Dave’s showing off his prick...

A bingo barrage from Peter there. “Righty ho”. “Rinky dink”. “Okey Dokey”. “A nice fast lick”. Drink. Drink. Drink. Drink.

I shouldn’t judge – I’ve been known to eat gravy granules straight from the carton, and I’m vegetarian.

I used to eat jelly squares directly out of the packet, instead of adding them to boiling water and leaving them in the fridge overnight. Total psychopathic behaviour, I know.

GenOH-EESE vs GenWAH. Where do we stand on this? Is this like when people pronounce chorizo as “schoritho”?

I’m slowly sensing that the baking tent is actually quite hellish to do baking in.

That grasshopper crawling around Laura’s pans gives me flashbacks. There are SO MANY flies in that tent. The famous peaks are filled with the blighters.

Seeing all of these bakers with these little pots of paint in front of them I’m expecting Neil Buchanan (or Banksy) to show up.

“It’s getting quite firm which is a really good sign”. You’re telling me, Peter.

Accurate.

There is a Lottie-shaped hole in the tent this week, isn’t there? (Said the actress to the bishop)

“I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly!,” Laura enthusiastically sings Destiny’s Child. Meanwhile, here’s Dave: “I’m ready for the jelly, yeah.”

The Showstopper is a Jelly Art Design Cake!

That’s injecting art into actual physical jelly using syringes, which feels very on point with the news about a vaccine on the horizon.

If by “British” you mean “gross”, then yes.

Prue casually mentioned that she is 80 years old (?!?!) Now they are back to talking about the Sussex Pond Pudding, which written down on the page looks the result of a competition to find the most British thing imaginable.

Apparently Prue’s favourite pudding in the *whole world* is a Sussex Pond Pudding. I like Ben & Jerry’s. Therein lies the difference between us.

(Also, what did they expect other than a disaster? The time they allotted to steaming the pudding was essentially the entire duration of the challenge?)

Anyone else want to stick up for the Puddle Pudding or whatever it’s called?

Laura seems to be slightly ahead from how well she did in the Signature, but with all of the bakers previously having won Star Baker, it’s all to play for.

It always feels a little rude when the judges slag off whoever came first. Let them have their win.

Here’s how things stand after the technical. Fifth: Dave (“very under-steamed,” says Prue). Fourth: Peter. Third: Hermine. Second: Marc. First: Laura (“I wish I could say it was wonderful, but it really wasn’t that much better than the rest,” says Prue).

So. Laura is *very close* to having good pastry. Dave’s puddings aren’t sealed, Peter’s are raw, and Marc’s are “under-steamed”. Capping it all off, Hermine’s lemon is “bullet-hard”. On the whole, more pond than pudding.

This is so true. Hermine never seems to buckle under the pressure - she just takes it all in her stride.

I’m not going to lie Michael, I don’t think I’m ever going to bake this.

It might not be hot, but the bakers sure are suet-ing. (Proud of that one). I predict some splats...

They’ve been given some lovely presentation plates, haven’t they? Gorgeous.

Don’t give them any ideas!

Though I think they missed a trick in 80s week by not having a 1880s technical challenge...

Just when I thought the technicals couldn’t get any worse, they have to pleat using foil and tie the sides with string and steam them. All of this faff for what looks like a rock with a lemon in it.

We just got a close-up of the technical recipe there. You may have noticed that it’s typed in COMIC SANS. *eyes start to bleed*

“Dang it” from Peter. Drink.

I think it’s quite good actually - the judges are testing their understanding of pastry and patisserie as well as testing their flavours and general baking knowledge. And to top it all off, Matt and Noel are testing their patience.

I don’t understand what they are testing here, Michael. Is it that you are capable of baking from technique alone? Do they want you to fail? For the viewer there’s real Lorraine Kelly “what’s the point” energy here.

This is the first time we’re really seeing a cruel technical challenge where the crucial instructions are removed and they are all flying blind. To be fair though, this is the first time they’ve experienced this and it’s Week Eight. Last year, we had no idea what anything was from Week Four onwards.

Making the bakers use such a niche ingredient reminds me of the time I decided to bake jumble biscuits from Bake Off 2016 and needed ground aniseed. I couldn’t find any in the shops so I ordered it from the internet, but instead of ordering what I thought was five grams, I accidentally ordered five kilograms, which meant that instead of five biscuits I could bake a thousand.

“Suet is the lovely protective fat from animals that protects the liver, the kidney,” says Peter, as if we should know. He also casually says that he’s made suet dumplings a few times. Of course he has.

Suet is GROSS.

There was a national shortage in having words in the recipe too, it seems.

No extra ingredients for this one! This is NEW and makes it MUCH HARDER. Perhaps the flour shortage was beginning to affect them by week eight.

What fresh hell is this?!

Two Sussex Pond Puddings for the technical.

Any questions? Me neither.

“There’s absolutely nothing the matter with these, bar the way they look” says Prue. That’s a hell of a burn.

I disagree with Paul’s criticism about Marc’s canapes being too small. The bigger the canape, the better. At work events all you get are tiny measly things, when what you really want is a pizza.

“The apricot really tastes of apricot”. Sage words from Prue, the UK’s preeminent professional bake judger.

Is Hermine keeping the cheesecakes in the pots a little bit cheaty? No judgement here, but I don’t believe she made the pots within the time...

On to the judging...

Dave’s cheesecakes look fab. It’s unusual that bakers actually manage to fulfil the “identical” element of the brief.

Would eat this, tbh.

A public service announcement from BTL:

Mind: Blown.

Peter did not find that an easy challenge, but it’s actually quite interesting to see him buckle, and it shows how much he has been gliding through all the other weeks.

No, let’s add that to the “things to go in the bin” pile.

In related news, Peter appears to have made mashed potato with crispy onions by the looks of it. Delicious.

“Mr Spoon wants to see Peter naked”, says Noel to Peter. Add to the ‘things you only hear on Bake Off’ pile.

Wait, is this the first time we’ve seen Scottish Peter a little rattled? He is ENTIRELY UNINTERESTED in Noel and Matt faffing around with that spoon while his cheesecakes sink lower than my self-esteem.

“You can’t trust a cheesecake” – add to the “things you only hear in the Bake Off tent” pile.

It’s like Peter has fallen in love with a thesaurus during lockdown. It’s wonderful. Matt is joking that Bake Off should be musical. The move from BBC to Channel 4 would be the Act One cliffhanger. Any ideas of who to cast? Let us know your suggestions BTL.

“Rinky dink, we are good to go”. What century is Scottish Peter from, please? Shall we create a new “ye olde phrases” bingo category?

Noel Fielding mentions that in the 2018 series there was someone called Mr Spoon. He is indeed right. He was really quite terrifying.

I am nothing if not a professional investigative journalist. Also Peter wants a “thick cheesy creamy filling”. Oo-err!

Thank you for your investigative reporting into this, Michael. I will add this data to my interactive mango wall (honestly, who needs CNN’s John King?).

Actually, I spoke to Northern Irish Mark today and he was apparently going to be leaning heavily on mangoes last week AS WELL AS this week. Good riddance, eh.

Everyone is using passionfruit this week. Perhaps an unsurprising choice, as passionfruit is mango-adjacent. It’s like they all spotted a Solero while practicing and said THAT ONE I’LL DO THAT.

If that meme wasn’t enough make you feel old, Scott - the girl from the credits is in SECONDARY SCHOOL *stifled wail*

Hearing the bakers talk about their biscuit bases makes me feel awfully nostalgic for the Gregg Wallace “buttery biscuit base” meme from *checks calendar* 2011. I’m so old.

Wait, do they have to make the biscuits for the biscuit base? How on earth do you make a digestive? Sorry, let me rephrase: who on earth makes a digestive?

The Signature this week is to bake 12 identical baked mini cheesecakes.

“I have an aversion to cheese” says Peter, as if he’s being asked his feelings on karaoke, rather than delicious desserts.

Quite early in the episode for such controversy, but apparently Hermine keeps her eggs in the fridge. Like a psychopath.

All of the bakers chanted “ONE TWO THREE! QUARTER FINALS!” before entering the tent! It’s so pure. I wish we could see more of those moments this series. At times it feels like we’re only skimming the surface of the whole ‘living together for a whole summer’ thing.

Quick recap of last week: everyone had a terrible time.

This week: everyone has a terrible time (apart from Peter who at one point says “that’s not awful.”)

Me @ the COPIOUS “desert week” jokes circulating on Twitter already:

Relieved that Bake Off is on. I’ve watched so much CNN in the last week that their logo is burnt into the inside of my retinas. With Lottie now out of the competition I do wonder whether there’s going to be a flatter vibe as all the remaining bakers focus on the quarter finals. If you’re listening Channel 4, I would happily watch a Bake Off spin-off where Lottie and Mark say “burger off” to each other for three hours.

Happy Tuesday, everyone! How are we? After last week’s edition of The Bakers v The Summer, might our live blog be sailing through the slightly calmer, cooler waters of Dessert Week? I do hope not. Last week was bloody bonkers and I loved every minute of it.

Apart from when Lottie went home, obviously. They did get a lovely photo of her looking proud next to her Showstopper before she went, though.

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