The King is crowned
“And the fame of David went out into all lands, and the Lord brought the fear of him upon all nations.”
Congratulations to our impeccable champion, consistent in excellence, the only possible winner. David is a shoo-in for a Guardian column, which will make Mon morning at the coffee machine awkward for me. But it was overachieving, underconfident Steph who broke our hearts tonight. Truly a parable on the danger of not believing in yourself.
Thanks to all of you below the line, my underfleas in arms, my baking brethren. It’s been a blast. Thanks to Hannah J Davies for excellent cover, and always keeping her apron clean. See you on the time-wasty place or the time-wasty place or if you want to make my face an achey place, buy my book.
Ciao!
x
Updated
OMG I’ve just realized David’s lookalike is actress Claire Forlani.
Michael’s dungas are all that is left that is pure in this country.
IF DAVID IS THE UNDERDOG WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MAKE THE REST OF US
David wins GBBO 2019
Hips don’t lie, or at least the apron covering them doesn’t. Congratulations to the deserving David!
David’s apron is spotless and it says so much
My mouth would implode with the betrayal of a sausage roll that was actually a fig roll.
“My money’s on Essex” Just remembered Phil at the garden party and started laughing.
David has surely won? Though he can’t have done? He never has before, right? He’s second in technical David!
His showstopper basically stepped straight out of the Tate Modern.
David licks his lips as the judges taste his cheese. Steph sighs heavily.”
I recommend turning audio-description on, by the way. Discovery of the day
No
Judging time!
Alice’s carrot cake scotch egg looks exceptional. She does very well. David absolutely nails it, with an illusion array that looks like a Fortnum’s hamper. Can Tin Fringe Steph beat this? She definitely rallied.
YES ALICE that scotch egg looks like an absolute dream sequence, with a vividness and logic all their own
OMG HELENA looks like the queen of the dead how could I forget her. I love her, I always did, I can’t pretend.
“No amount of fire and freshness can challenge what a man will store up in his ghostly heart.”
It’s really hard watching this final, because Steph and Alice are not performing nearly as well as we’ve seen they can. It comes down to emotional strength as much as talent, like sport and politics and all work.
I agree with you lot- Noel brings so much fun, but also knows when a simple hug and encouragement is needed. Proper emotional intelligence.
They look delightful.” My god, he may not be relatable, but Michaelangelo’s David is definitely in charge.
I have offended God and mankind because my work did not reach the quality it should have.” Da Vinci’s last words.
Just leaving this here, Steph and Alice.
Steph and Alice are falling apart even though what they’re turning out is extraordinary.
Wait suddenly everything everyone is making looks amazing. They’ve turned bowls of catsick into illusion pork pies and whatnot. What sorcery is this.
@gladarvor I have forgotten Helena, it’s true! I realised long ago you have to put people in mental compartments, so they’re easier to detach from as necessary.
OH GOD THIS IS WHY I AM SO ALONE. What an inconvenient moment to realise
Noel is earning millions of pounds on that helter skelter, remember. He’s the real winner tonight.
Steph is falling apart like her cake and macarons. Feel so sorry for her. The iron fringe has crumbled.
YES the redundant biscuit. Spend 45 minutes on that!
Is David getting calmer? He’s accessed some sort of Terminator mode. “I need your clothes, your boots and your baking trophy.”
THAT’S who she looks like. We’ve had ten weeks- me and all of you, I’m talking about- and we’ve not nailed her lookalike. But she has, inadvertently. She is so accomplished and doesn’t realise.
How does Steph not know what song Mowgli sings she IS Mowgli.
“My parents would hate to see me upset.” Alice is so tempted to just knock back the prosecco, and knock this baking on the head.
Speaking of which, Noel really looks like mid-period Elvis tonight.
Ooh, belated happy birthday to David’s partner! I mean, very belated. This was months ago.
You could make a banana look like a pork pie” Is this Paul talking, or Noel riffing?
Showstopper: trompe l’oeil picnic basket
Because it’s 2019 and everything is a lie
Of course there’s always an emotional climax when Paul’s private chopper hoves into view
I have a funny feeling they’ll be there? Like the producers will make Paul send his private chopper to pick them up and BANG- emotional climax. But I’m cynical about TV.
Not the time to mention it BUT I really want someone to pat Alice’s dad on the shoulder as he stares dismally at the departures board and whisper “With good management you don’t need good luck.”
This is torture. Alice’s parents update drama. Their flight has been cancelled and she is in tears.
Dickens bloody loved BT, didn’t he. And Tolstoy was a Special K guy through and through
#gbbo #gbbofinal
— Yes, I can hear you Clem Fandango. (@wokestofscrolls) October 29, 2019
Sandi and Noel while the contestants are baking pic.twitter.com/QfyxIvmGG0
Imagine if David wins the whole thing simply because he bakes his cake.
Like, all he does is step over the hurdle and walk over the line, while the others roly-poly sideways off the track.
Judging time!
I don’t need to wait for the judges, it’s obviously Steph, Alice and then David in pole position. His soufflé fails the least.
She is crying into her soufflé puddle, but the extra salt won’t save her. If only seasoning was the solution.
OH NOOO. Steph/Steff’s bain-marie is is cold, and her uncooked souffles fall out like chicken soup from a Ziploc bag. This is her worst nightmare.
The other two are at effable and jeffable egg-underconfidence.
@hathycol Yes, David definitely knows his way around souffle. Ineffable egg confidence.
WHY DOES STEPH’S necklace say STEFF? CAN SHE NOT SPELL HER OWN NAME. I’m so confused and losing it.
A soufflé doesn’t have any raising agent, so the volume comes from the egg white.” David under pressure, not at all.
I guess when you’re a nurse, this isn’t actually stressful at all.
Okay great that’s brilliant” Steph dismissing Noel’s whimsy.
Alice has never made a roux? The one-sidedness of bakers always suprises me.
Love that Paul makes them make a biscuit with whatever else he asks. Custard, with a biscuit. Macaron tower, with a biscuit. Biscuit, with a buttery biscuit base.
Signature Challenge: twice-baked Stilton Souffles
Just bake it twice as long, and lie.
Pranks a go-go! Love the last day of school. Paul and Prue refuse to leave when asked, until Prue cracks up.
Right that chocolate cake was a slice of nothing, time for Paul to have the bakers make an Eritrean temple loaf or something.
Steph’s cake is overbaked! They have all...failed so far?
(Thank god this show isn’t on the BBC any more.)
Steph serves up the 70s on a plate, much like Operation Yewtree.
I’m confused about whether the judges think Alice’s cake is absolutely first rate, or not very good.
A bit wobbly, a bit clumsy.” Prue kickstarting Alice’s meltdown. Inevitably, Babestation Pauly H likes “the dripping effect.”
Judging time!
David overboozes the cake, which I for one am pleased about. A slice best served with ice.
Everyone’s families do seem lovely and supportive though. If quite mad. Like that singing Dr Oetker cake.
Alice’s parents are slightly like characters in a Jordan Peele film aren’t they? Makes me warm to her a lot.
HE ACTUALLY CHECKED HIS REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR GLAZE. Everyone down their Armagnac!
In fairness, her cake does look awful.
Lols. “Can I have some ice?”-David. Speak to the staff you want, not the ones you don’t yet have
Alice is starting her anxiety engine.
“With good management you don’t need good luck.” Alice’s dad. If he was my dad I would have been selling heroin by the age of 15 or run off to a kibbutz.
David’s VT is a compressed Freudian therapy session. His mother’s food snobbery and sugar-eschewing ways made him the driven, health machine he is. But he’s also a nurse, driven to help others, in case you weren’t feeling inadequate enough.
I actually like it when David admires his own cooking. So un-British! Wait I thought his partner was Hungarian. Who was that American guy?
Lovely VT insight into Steph’s home life and struggles with confidence. She apparently comes from a matriarchal land with no men in it whatsoever. ARE THEY IN THE CAKES? Steffy Todd.
Imagine the look she’d give you if you picked up a declassé Mrs Crimbles cookie
Imagine Prue pushing a trolley of cakes through your office. You wouldn’t take one, would you.
I thought Alice was grating a banana then. Feel like I’m through the looking glass.
Anyone can make a chocolate cake,” says Prue as if she didn’t spend the better part of a month in Jamie’s company. The nerve of her.
Signature Challenge: Chocolate Cake
Any cake is a chocolate cake if you chase it with a Twix
It’s not been his year though. Does Steph have this sewn up? Four Star Bakers makes her one of the strongest competitors ever. Or Alice, who is uderrated. Her fluster hides real grit. As long as her cakes don’t hide real grit, she’s got a real chance.
David describes himself as the underdog, whilst looking like Clark Kent just took off his glasses. It doesn’t add up. Like Muhammad Ali declaring “I’m the second or third best in the world!”
I’m not the only one if so.
“Alice has let the stress of competition get to her” makes it sound like she’s backstage putting jam in her ears and humming the Ski Sunday theme.
Wait did everyone hear that audio-description of scones during the credits or has my telly been restored to factory settings or has the jet lag driven me mad
Oh, remember Jamie!? He was a silly horse, and we loved him so. Hope he is enjoying a sugarlump somewhere, and someone has turned him in the right direction to see the TV.
OMG here we go! I’m awake, I swear!
Miss the early days of #gbbo when, half way through the show-stopper, Sue Perkins would disappear from the tent and take us on a history lesson and show us just how the ancient Egyptians liked their sausage rolls.
— SHANE (@shane_reaction_) October 23, 2019
Ooh yes, Mumof2girls. Good melancholy game. What will we all be doing this time next week?
I’m going to rue the day. But– twist– for a week
I have just got off a 22 hour flight and feel like Christopher Nolan is workshopping ideas inside my cranium. So good luck to the contestants, but mainly to me.
I’m getting word in that the winner tonight is...Margaret Atwood! People are simultaneously delighted and outraged, and their bodies are exploding under the paradox.
Seriously, gotta be Steph though, right? Lot of votes for David too I see. Slightly fewer of you think Alice will do it?
Hahah, hello ID856- oh come on, give me a break
Yes, David will come second. But who will win?
Hi there,
You’re probably here for the cake, but can I interest you in a horn of glory, filled with cream of tension? That sounds horrible now I’ve said it.
Welcome to the only Great British Bake Off blog to still be playing top level competitions in its 30s, due to the regimented abuse of steroids. It is THE FINAL WEEK in the tent, which means tonight one of the bakers will be crowned champion. Will it be Steph? Or Alice, or David? Or Steph? I’ll be writing up the highlights live, but the real action is below the line: do get involved with your own puns, gossip and conspiracy theories.
The show starts at 8pm so for one last time, grab a snack and meet back here!
Updated
