Biscuit sounds like Brexit. Thank God that's over
Thanks all! Competition stepped up this week, and we have a clearer sense of who everyone is, so things are going to start getting tense.
Will miss Jamie, one of the worst and most lovable contestants in recent memory. The kind of lad who once confused kitchen and bathroom scales, and now gives his weight in fluid ounces. Probs caught the wrong plane for his Love Island audition anyway. Bless.
Thanks for the insights and laughs and bowel analysis, everyone. See you all for Bread Week? Come say hello on twitter or Insta or if you want to make me do a little dance, buy my book!
Lol at Alice’s mum on speakerphone freaking out that she has cress between her teeth “on camera”. Alice did deserve the crown this week, and I’m pleased for her.
Alice is star baker!
But Jamie canters off into the sunset. What an adorable lad.
Happy that Helena has saved herself.
Wait, so will they one week send two bakers home? For when it’s too obvious who’s the worst? EEEk
Alice or David? David or Alice?
OMG, Sandi DOES look like Tom Cruise.
SO. The big question. Will Jamie be getting a pre-paid cab home, or does he have to schlep it by train?
“Quite simple, thick and clumsy.” Prue on Jamie (‘s guitar)
I actually think it is mistakeably a guitar
Hmm. Who do we think for star baker?
Amelia’s golem dolphin disgusts the judges, but Rosie is described as “a very very clever vet.” Sam Neill in Jurassic Park could have delivered that Prue line.
Judging time!
David’s fennel and no fun tuiles go down well, Michael had nothing to worry (hurrah!), Prue is disappointed by the length of Henry’s organ, but also complains it’s too thick. Some people are never happy.
@lovejonsnow I imagine Jamie applied for this by swiping up too slowly on a mate’s Instagram story and accessing promoted content by mistake
Jamie’s biscuit has the complexity of a beginner Scalextric track, without cars
Michael, now 90% blue plaster by volume, has lost faith. For...some reason. Priya gives him a hug. Bless him. And her.
Why is Michael crying? Things are mobving to quickly
Jamie literally just produced a totally bare cake tin, having scraped all his biscuit onto the floor of the oven, and was only slightly disappointed. If he had spontaneously combusted, the last thing we’d hear would be him laughing
Sandi hammering away on those organ jokes
Oh Alice went to art school in New Zealand. I didn’t know they had art school in New Zealand.
Rosie is making a vintage Ralph Lauren leather football?
Why does Alice keep going on about New Zealand. Have I missed something
I find it quite beguiling
WHO DOES ROSIE’S VOICE REMIND ME OF
Amelia is making some sort of IKEA flat pack furniture situation
Paul asks Henry how big his organ is going to be. Sandi escorts Paul off the premises. It’s 2019, best to nip these things in the bud.
Michelle is making a dragon scoring a winning try over England on St David’s Day or something
Michael is adding 5 teaspoons of chilli to his gingerbread cow. Probably enough to kill a cow.
I know we need to talk about David’s pout, but I’m not entirely sure what to say.
Helena is making a biscuit Nosferatu sucking a ghost through a trapdoor or something
Noel’s foundation is blinding us to the fact Sandi is dressed like a Care Bear this week. I like it.
Showstopper
Big arse biscuit, innit
I will miss Jamie though. He’s like a beautiful horse.
@jdsworld imagine what Jamie showstopper Jamie would have to pull off to stay in. A 4 dimensional representation of Hawking Time made of Iced Gems
I guess the question is whether producers will throw Helena under the bus to save the beautiful zygote
Judging Time!
Phil’s phig rolls are phlat. Priya’s figgy pillows are too spicy for Paul. Jamie…has made a sausage roll. Helena and Jamie come in last, while David and Alice take the top spots.
“Do you like your fig rolls, Phil?” “Nah.”
Phil may be my favourite.
I definitely did eleven. I am a moroon.” She’s not Helena Bonham-Counter, we know that
That closeup of someone shaking a floppy roll of fig loose from plastic wrap reminds me I need to walk the dog.
She looks like a character from Matilda this week
Is Helena’s surname Bonham-Carter by any chance
Paul clearly laughing at the flimsiness of Prue’s “roll on fig rolls” patter.
Technical Challenge: Fig rolls
Take a fig and roll it up, on jammy hands the wasps will sup
Yes, Noel’s foundation is making him look a bit like Jigsaw from the Saw movies
Michelle wows Paul with her unique bake. David chunters on about open wounds, which puts Prue off her Penguin bar. Paul doesn’t like the shortness of Steph’s shortbread. Obviously a terrible idea to use semolina, who would think of such a thing.
I’ve eaten ruby chocolate AND I know what matcha is. Wondering why I’m sat on this side of the screen to be honest.
Rosie’s feathering is as even as a sieismic graph of the moon, of course
I ALWAYS laugh when someone says “thank you” chirpily following a withering comment from Paul. Good approach to life too.
Judging time
RUUUUUSTICCCC!! The cry of the Spartans struck fear into their enemies
Thank you for drawing the matter of Noel’s too matte foundation to my attention @emilyscatnaps. I shall be holding a Farrow n Ball swatch up to the screen
@lulamay yes I’ve warmed to Henry too. That VT vignette of him in Oxford(?) was just him swinging his legs around like an untethered weathersock
Jamie’s unset slabs of caramel(?) look like someone stepped in hot chewing gum in a wellington boot. He’s delighted, naturally.
ALICE’S PERPETUALLY HORRIFIED EYES. Like someone just told her there hasn’t been a caretaker here for 200 years
I know here type. The “Oh I didn’t revise I’m really worri- oh look I got an A”
“That’s as nicely as I can feather” says Rosie, as she feathers a slab to actual perfection.
Priya’s ruby barfi ironically sounds absolutely delish. She’s a very strong contender, isn’t she. Her and Michelle the top dogs? David too?
Who don’t like…fudge??” Still laughing at Phil asking this. As if half way through the statement he actually started picturing some faceless anti-fudge person, then got angry with them.
WOOOAH WHAT WAS THAT HELLSPAWN ON THE BIKE
“It’s nice to have toasted nuts” David. He should be running in joggers then, not shorts.
Hang on did Jamie say his shortbread has never worked in practice but it’s fine because the chocolate will hold it together?
Never mind surviving elimination, I’m not convinced he’ll make it to the end of the episode
Because respect if so
Did that VT say Helena used to be some sort of professional card sharp? Is this The Sting? Is she here on some monumentally long con, that ends with her identity frauding Noel?
Imagine jamming with Jamie and Alex. They’re the boys your parents worry about you hanging out with this close to your exams.
This is my life” Rosie, discussing a worm in a horse’s tear duct. Can’t wait for that showstopper.
Hilarious editing of Michael’s family playing music together. Sounded like the dying fall of the Titanic’s string quartet.
What the hell am I talking about
I love semolina in biscuit dough, a la Steph’s effort. (You might think this not worth mentioning, but the textural trumps the textual.)
Henry just self-described as “a pre-pubescent American schoolboy.” Putting me out of a job, #whyIoughtta
Paul doesn’t want “mostly chocolate with a little biscuit” but that is EXACTLY what I want. The M&S ones of the same name are basically my religion.
Signature Challenge: Biscuit Bars
Accidentally wrote “chocolate bras” and now genuinely think I’m onto something. Isn’t this how penicillin was discovered?
I’m not implying he’s a donkey. (Although how would I know, even with an HD screen.)
Am I the only one who cannot WAIT to meet Phil’s wife? He makes her sound like the dragon from Shrek.
Biscuit Week is the nightmare, for everyone.” I WISH that were true Michael
Mmm, this is more comforting. Introduction features a Beano-esque prank involving a glued-together sponge finger jenga. Now datsa MILDA meatball.
Hi all! Did anyone else accidentally turn on too early and catch the news, only to be reminded we’re living in immediately pre-Mad Max times? Brilliant stuff.
Let’s forget that, and do this
I mean talks with their mouth full obviously. Damn right this blog is in safe hands
Ooh, let’s do a bingo! Drink a drink, if and when:
- Anyone talking with their mouth full
- Paul breaks something delicate and smiles, also delicately
- Prue describes a Palace of Versailles sculpted from cream horns and tuile as ‘rustic’
- Helena and Noel goth off in a marzipan graveyard
- Jamie makes a cup of tea milk first, then forgets the teabag
Bienvenue soufflé sisters, frangipane frères, and non-binary bakeaholics.
Welcome to the live blog for the most talked-about show that isn’t The Repair Shop. Tonight sees the second episode of The Great British Bake Off’s 10th anniversary series, and no clear frontrunner has emerged. Any one of these bakers could establish dominance tonight (provided their name isn’t Jamie).
I’ll be writing up the show’s talking points here, live, but the real action takes place below the line. Feel free to talk among yourselves in the comments, dispute my take on the evening’s events, and discuss which bakers you fancy. For what is the meaning of community but this: idle speculation, hot goss, and recipe swaps for a cracking plum duff.
The show starts at 8pm, so I’ll see you back here then!
