So that’s it for another week on Bake Off! Thank you all for joining in, I learned some interesting stuff about vegan baking and it was a lot of fun.
We’re down to the last five bakers, and only three weeks to go - things are definitely hotting up in the Bake Off tent. Next week is DANISH WEEK, because apparently there is no genre of baking too niche for Bake Off. Bring your hygge pants, and I’ll see you next week!
Paul is disappointed with Manon, her showstopper was awful. The judges have a tough challenge – nobody’s had an amazing week.
This week’s Star Baker…KIM-JOY for bringing whimsical animals to Vegan Week. Hooray.
Leaving the tent this week…JON. He’s hugely proud to make Week 7, but I think this was a challenge too far.
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“I’m in very dangerous territory”, says Ruby. You’re not though, are you – Jon has entirely failed to embrace Vegan Week and will absolutely go home for it. I’m not big on vegan either, but if it was a theme on Bake Off I’d make sure I was the best vegan baker in Wiltshire.
Jon to go home, Kim-Joy for Star Baker.
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Rahul’s cake has collapsed due to soggy drizzle. It also has too much coconut flavour, and it definitely didn’t need the drizzle. Everyone stop saying drizzle.
Ruby is making the best of it of her vegan cake autopsy, and I love her for it. The cakes taste delicious, but she should have put the chocolate on the bottom.
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Manon’s cake looks stunning, but the sponge is too heavy. ‘Looks great, tastes awful’, says Paul. Brutal.
Kim-Joy’s cake is totally foxy and adorable, but tastes a bit pudding-y. She was born to smash Vegan Week.
Time for showstopper judging! Briony’s chocolate cake looks very elegant and entirely delicious. Paul and Prue really like it.
Jon’s cake is listing badly, and looks a bit sad. Paul declares the decoration ‘crude’, but it had good layers and nice flavour, despite being claggy.
Ruby’s top layer seems to be bigger than the one below, which I’m pretty sure defies the laws of physics. It looks horrendous, but everyone is helping her rescue it.
Time’s up! That was quite stressful, and now they’re all melting. As they walk away, Ruby’s cake collapses. Too much vegan drama, I can’t cope and need a Cornish pasty.
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Half an hour left! Jon is painting his cake, whilst Kim-Joy is transforming hers into a fox. Ruby, Kim-Joy and Manon have both gone for drippy icing. None of these cakes look very stable. Should have put some eggs in.
All cakes need beautiful celebration decorations. Rahul is making roses, because they were his grandmother’s favourite. Still unclear on the egg story, Rahul.
Anyone else feel like Manon is auditioning for her own cooking show?
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Jon’s cake is declared “a bit claggy”. He’s so done with this show.
Briony made a vegan cake for her brother’s birthday but it wasn’t that great, so she’s using Bake Off as an opportunity to have another go.
Jon and Kim-Joy are making fake buttercream with no butter and no cream. Is a cake actually a cake without eggs? Surely it’s just a massive biscuit?
Rahul’s cake is based on a story about how his grandmother never ate eggs after his grandad died. We haven’t established why and I need more information.
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Jon is making a vegan chocolate cake called “only fools eat horses”. Jon isn’t going to win Star Baker, but he gets my pun award.
So with no eggs and butter, our bakers are using things like oil and dairy free margarine and coconut milk. But everything else is much the same, so this should be ABSOLUTELY FINE.
Kim-Joy is doing a fox-themed cake, because god knows Kim-Joy LOVES a woodland creature.
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Paul wasn’t looking forward to Vegan Week, but he’s impressed by what the bakers have done so far. Thank heavens for coconut oil.
Time for the Showstopper challenge, which is a vegan celebration cake, presumably for a vegan celebration.
6th place Kim-Joy, 5th Briony, 4th Jon, 3rd Ruby, 2nd Manon and 1st place for RAHUL!
“I made something and the judges like it. That’s a very good thing”. Oh bless him.
Time’s up! I’m intrigued by these, would love to know what the meringue tastes like. Kim-Joy’s meringues look a bit sad and there isn’t enough fruit. Rahul’s looks far more indulgent and has the right texture. Jon’s was lazy with piping and his cream is too runny. Briony’s meringue has lost definition, but Ruby’s looks much better - good flavour and nice filling too. Manon’s meringues look lovely and is cooked well too - very nice.
Jon doesn’t know how to decorate his pavlova, because decorating isn’t his thing. You’re on Bake Off hun, decorating REALLY needs to be your thing.
The bottom has fallen off Kim-Joy’s meringue, and Ruby has declared that vegan white chocolate ‘tastes like chocolate’. To be fair, white chocolate is mostly sugar, is there actually any milk solids in it?
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Ruby is talking like a woman who makes meringues with aquafaba all the time. I guess it’s a good use of the chickpea juice you normally chuck down the sink.
So instead of cream, it’s coconut milk and cornflour. The problem with coconut milk is it tastes of coconut, which has absolutely no business being in a pavlova.
So the merigue is made with aquafaba, which sounds like something I’d clean the loo with, but is actually the liquid of cooked chickpeas. Let’s go with it.
Once whipped, it looks like meringue and pipes nicely. Jon is squishing it around like a man who is still absolutely livid about Vegan Week.
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Technical time! What fresh hell will this be? It’s one of Prue’s recipe, for a vegan tropical fruit pavlova.
OK so this is fascinating - meringue without eggs, filling without cream...wouldn’t have a clue where to start.
Kim-Joy gets a thumbs up for her squirrel tarts, and the tofu tarts are declared excellent. Paul gives her a vegan handshake, which is less meaty/buttery than previous handshakes.
Jon ran out of filling, and time. His pastry is rubbery and the flavours aren’t very nice. The falafel tartlets are ‘not bad’.
Jon is not in any way embracing vegan week and he doesn’t care who knows it.
Briony’s pastry is a bit ‘flexible’ but her tarts are mostly an apple pie. 100% would eat. Her onion tarts are declared “all right”.
Rahul’s tarts have lovely pastry but too much filling. Chickpea curry is one of my favourite things so I’d totally eat those - they look stunning.
OMG RAHUL IS SMILING.
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Judging time for the vegan tartlets. Manon’s summer tartlets look rather lovely, but the mushrooms look a bit grey. Prue and Paul declare both delicious, and coconut really works in the pastry.
Ruby (who gets more beautiful by the week, incidentally), has made tarts that only taste of broccoli. Her sage tarts have got too much chilli going on.
Five minutes left, and Rahul feels like maybe he should start assembling. Ruby is blowtorching the tomatoes on the top of her tarts, forgetting that she’s also blowtorching everything else. They actually look really good.
I love Kim-Joy’s squirrel tarts - they capture the spirit of roadkill, if not the flavour.
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You know how watching Bake Off usually makes us all really hungry? Right now I’m just sad.
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It’s looking like Jon isn’t going to ‘meat’ the deadline. Luckily it’s vegan week, so he doesn’t have to.
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Half an hour to go! Rahul is even more pessimistic than usual. Maybe his natural joy is fuelled by eggs and dairy.
Briony’s tarts contain ‘goats cheese alternative’. What chemical-fuelled monster is that?
Jon is 15 minutes behind, but seems quite chilled about it. Unlike his pastry.
Manon is making vegan bechamel with cashew milk. Apparently it tastes a lot like normal milk, which I refuse to believe. I’m going to buy some tomorrow and do a taste test.
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Kim-Joy is using tofu, because it’s one of her favourite things. I mean there’s nothing wrong with tofu, but imagine it being ONE OF YOUR FAVOURITE THINGS.
She’s making her tarts in the shape of a squirrel, which are definitely not vegan.
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Rahul is making sick in a blender, which appears to be the basis of his Bengali-inspired vegan tarts. Briony is caramelising her onions in prosecco, because booze is absolutely fine if you’re vegan. Thank goodness.
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So apparently oat cream is a thing, alongside other butter milk and butter substitutes like vegan margarine and various oils.
Jon is not here for Vegan Week, he wants Kebab Week and seems quite confused by the whole business.
Tonight’s Signature Challenge is eight savoury tart in two different flavours using shortcrust pastry. So no eggs or butter.
Whilst I can take or leave meat or fish, you will have to prise the butter out of my cold, dead hands. There is literally no savoury food that doesn’t taste better covered in half an inch of salted butter, and I will accept no substitute. Especially coconut oil, which tastes like a blend of lard and suncream.
BAKE OFF FASHION WATCH:
- Noel: Comic book chic
- Sandi: Flamingo madness
- Prue: Nautical but nice
- Paul: another black shirt
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And we’re off! Previously on Bake Off: PASTRY! Dan had a flaky meltdown and even his giant dead fish couldn’t save him. Briony finally found her groove and took Star Baker. Only six bakers remain, and it’s time for a vegan extravaganza*.
*not a thing
Welcome!
Evening all, and welcome to this week’s Great British Bake Off liveblog! It’s VEGAN WEEK, so I’ll be swapping all jokes this evening with a dairy-free LOL substitute. Whilst it may at first look like the real thing, tonight’s liveblog is actually formed from ROFL-ed oats, some kind of nut milk and that awkward laugh people do when they really want you to go away. It’s for the greater good, we all have way too much fun anyway and this option is FAR more sustainable.
Kick off is at 8pm, so please feel free to sprinkle some lentils of happiness in the comment box below. See you then!
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