So that’s it for Week One! I’m more shattered than a box full of hammered toffee. Seems like a decent bunch of bakers this year, am looking forward to a fun series, and it’s lovely to be back at the liveblog helm.
Let’s do this all again next Wednesday for Cake Week, I’m off to refine my list of sponge-based puns. In the meantime, feel free to come and say hi on Twitter @heidistephens if you’re passing. Have a great week! Hx
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Final judgement time! Paul likes Manon’s baking, and loves Briony too. Terry pulled it off in the Showstopper, but Imelda and Ruby are both in the firing line.
First Star Baker is...MANON! But sadly, Imelda has to go back to her overbaked Mayo mountain. What a shame, I quite liked her.
So who will be the first Star Baker, and who’s leaving this week? I reckon Manon or Briony for Star Baker, and maybe Imelda to leave?
Who’s left? Briony’s has done Bristol proud, and Manon’s mountain selfie is exquisite. Terry’s brandy snap death mask has a marvellous Van Gogh thing going on, I love it. Is it enough to save Tache Terry? I love a tense finish.
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Judgement time! Dan’s selfie is him holding a big pink dildo, but it’s very tidy. His biscuits are delicious. Kim-Joy’s impressionist effort is very artistic, but Luke’s lurid Vegas trip is a bit underbaked. We’re moving through these too quickly, I can’t see them properly.
Rahul’s first spring is marvellously floral, and I love Karen’s Dame Edna selfie. Imelda gets decapitated by Paul, but her head is a bit stale and bland. Ruby finished the London Marathon, but failed to finish her biscuit selfie.
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Adverts are very much the liveblogger’s friend. Just saying.
Mostly this all looks like a right mess. Shaky icing all round. This is too stressful, I’d rather climb Kilimanjaro.
Terry has burned his biscuit base, and it’s all getting a bit tense. Kim-Joy has got about 17 different colours of icing, and seems quite chilled about it all. Ruby is way behind time, which I think might turn out to be Ruby’s signature move.
Terry is moulding his face with a brandy snap, laminated with raspberry jam. Paul looks dubious. Imelda’s biscuits are celebrating a fun day out in Mayo, including an overbaked mountain.
Kim-Joy’s selfie is taken at a shrine at sunset. There’s never a bad time to eat biscuits.
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Have just noticed that, after several seasons of using the Kenwood K-Mix, the mixers are back to Kitchenaid. More gadgets placement facts to follow.
Antony has climbed Kilimajaro and Dan went sailing around Palm Springs with his husband. Luke’s selfie is in Vegas.
I’m feeling so inadequate right now. My selfie would be taken in my bathroom because the lighting takes ten years off.
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So far we’ve a sailing trip from Jon and landmarks of Bristol from Briony. Ruby is showing us her finishing the London Marathon, because anyone who has ever run the London Marathon is obliged to mention it, even if it’s through the medium of biscuits.
Time for the Showstopper! It’s the one where they have to create a 3D portrait out of biscuits, this year themed around a selfie taken somewhere memorable. Terry needs to be at the top of his game. Maybe that’s where his selfie was taken.
This is one of my favourite Bake Off challenges – everyone on the TV is trying to glue wobbly gingerbread together in a swamp of icing, while everyone at home is suddenly an expert in complex structural engineering. Alright Brunel, calm down.
Manon has no idea what a “wheeling wagon” is. C’est delicieux.
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Judging time! Dan’s look good, Imelda’s do not. The wheels have fallen off Antony’s wagon, but Ruby’s look amazing and there are the appropriate number. Terry’s had another shocker, but Bristol Briony has nailed it.
Anthony comes last, and Ruby comes first! I really want a Wagon Wheel now.
Ruby and Briony high five at the finish, and I’m sad their marshmallow hands don’t stick together.
Imelda is rubbing chocolate onto her Wagon Wheels with her hands, which I’m pretty sure contravenes all manner of food hygiene standards.
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Anthony is getting behind and needs to run. Into my arms.
Have you noticed I’ve not mentioned Noel’s shirt? I’ve decided not to validate his terrible fashion choices by drawing attention to them.
Is it me, or has this year’s show got some wonky camerawork going on? It’s all gone a bit Blair Witch, hold the bloody thing still. I’m getting queasy.
So biscuit, jam, marshmallow and chocolate. How hard can it be? Quite hard, apparently.
I hope supermarkets are prepared for massive run on Wagon Wheels tomorrow. Right now the whole nation is gagging for a Wagon Wheel.
I had a Wagon Wheel recently. It was much smaller than I remember.
Time for the first Technical Challenge! This week they’re making WAGON WHEELS. Amazing.
Rahul’s biscuits have got too much going on, and Ruby’s are a bit dry. She also made one too many, because she’s bad at maths. I fear the metric system may finish her off.
Dan’s jammy dodgers are pale, tough and chewy. Terry’s single-lambed biscuits look like crap modern art and are declared ‘rough’ by Paul. Luke’s gingernuts need more lime, but Imelda’s coconut and white chocolate biscuits get a thumbs up. Briony’s shortbread are declared the best of the day. Go on Briony.
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Time for some judging! Antony’s colourful turmeric biscuits make Prue and Paul look very happy. Paul likes Karen’s piping work, but didn’t like the texture of her biccies. Kim-Joy’s shortbreads are exquisite, but Jon’s are pale and underbaked. Manon’s Cornish shortbreads look divine and I want them all now.
Terry has already decided he’s going home, he only managed one lamb and it arguably looks nothing like a lamb.
Half an hour to go! It’s hot in the tent. I suspect that might be a theme of this year’s Bake Off. Cue panic music. Tache Terry is struggling with sticky lambs (DRINK), but Karen’s already finished and is eating crisps. Goodness, that was tense.
Terry (with the ‘tache) is making Lake District ginger shortbreads with lambs on. Hope they won’t be baaaad.
Jon is making Welsh Aberffrw biscuits (tidy), whilst Kim-Joy is making orange blossom biscuits. Karen is making Yorkshire Perkins, whatever they are.
I’m quite taken with Noel’s Shaky sideburns (ask your mum).
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Imelda is making something with cherry and white chocolate, whilest Luke is making Yorkshire lime gingernuts, which sound delicious. Antony is teaching Sandi a bit of Bollywood dancing, and I’m already smitten.
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Rahul is telling Paul his life story - he’s a nuclear scientist, and Skypes his mum and dad every day whilst wearing a stylish rollneck.
I like Bristolian Briony, she’s also making Empire biscuits so is already my spirit animal. Dan is making lemon and strawberry Shrewbury biscuits, whilst Manon is making Cornish shortbread, because she’s French. Ruby is making Devon Flats, which may be soft, medium or hard.
First up it’s the Signature Challenge! This week our newly-baked batch of budding bakers have to create a personalised signature biscuit that’s about them and also regional.
That’s quite a lot of information to cram into a biscuit, no? Personally I’d create a surfboard-shaped Empire Biscuit to represent the time I tried surfing in the Irish Sea after a tour of the Bushmills factory and nearly drowned. Happy days.
Tonight we’ll kick off the new series with Biscuit Week, even though Week One is ALWAYS Cake Week and I DO NOT LIKE CHANGE. Who will crumble like a dunked hobnob, and who will be entirely crackers? It’s hard to tell from the cut of their apron, so we’ll just have to wait and see.
Meanwhile Prue is dressed as a burning scarecrow.
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Ooh, new bakers! They all seem very clean and wholesome, but that might be my new telly. There’s a man with a curly moustache, and a French woman. Look, I haven’t had time to learn their names, don’t @ me.
And we’re off! It’s a new season of Bake Off, and I’m excited. I love this opening Back To The Future skit about Prue accidentally tweeting the name of the Bake Off winner. Hilarious.
Full disclosure: I’m still not sure how I feel about Noel and Sandi, I’m not sure I’ll ever not miss Mel and Sue. Prue, however, is absolute sauce, I love her.
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Do we need a Bake Off Bingo? We always have one for Strictly, I feel like we should. Snack on a pink wafer dipped in prosecco for any occurrence of the following:
- Icing being used to plaster over cracks
- Boozy biscuits
- Fondant animals
- Non-stick disaster
- Poppy seeds
My beloved has just reminded me there are ad breaks. AD BREAKS! It’s been YEARS since I had an ad break, back in the days of liveblogging The X Factor when it was good. BLISS.
For those new to this liveblogging lark, it goes like this: I spend the evening up here trying to capture all the Bake Off action in an amusing fashion, and you all provide a creamy filling of wit and wisdom in the comment box below. Forgive me if I miss anything good, I’m typing at warp speed and can’t include everything, it’s hard enough simultaneously watching the telly and a laptop. Thank goodness my eyes willingly go in two different directions.
Long-time lurkers and liveblog newbies are always welcome – this is a peace and love troll-free space, so feel free to join in. Kick-off is at 8, so introduce yourself down below and I’ll see you then!
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Welcome to the Great British Bake Off liveblog!
Evening all, and welcome back for this year’s Great British Bake Off liveblog! After a GBBO gap year (thank you lovely Rhik Samadder for taking up the baton), I’m back in the liveblog hotseat for another year.
Despite the move to C4, Bake Off is still our ultimate recipe for TV joy – take 12 amateur bakers looking to impress the pants off Paul and Prue, then add a dash of Noel and Sandi and whisk in a couple of jugs of fresh innuendo until they form into stiff peaks. Pop everything in a Cath Kidston-festooned tent in the English countryside and bake for 10 weeks during one of the hottest summers in British history. What could be more delicious?
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