Birth of a controversy
WOW. Okay. A lot to process.
We have our finalists! Sophie, Steven and, surprisingly, Kate.
Stacey goes home, which is right as she should have gone long ago. But this particular episode bore remarkable similarities to Liam’s last stand, in which he wasn’t so lucky.
Paul’s citation of previous form means every judges’ decision, from this point on, will be muddied and controversial.
Also, Dominic West is in an advert for Dolmio.
Thank you all for your fine company and snack chat as usual. Let’s meet next week and put this thing to bed. In the meantime, come say hello on twitter, facebook or instagram. Or convene a jury of my peers and sentence me to life. It’s all gravy.
Ciao!
Updated
Imagine the producer’s meeting. “We’re not having a final without Steven.” “But he’s done terribly.” “FIND A WAY.”
Updated
I am very worried for Steven’s mental health. And Kate is in the final! I love her, but thought she’d be gone by week 6.
Be funny if they just said the name of the winner in that little sting then.
Sophie is Star Baker!
But Stacey goes home. Let it all out Stacey.
Didn’t save Liam though cough
Oh wow. They’re finally giving us a breakdown on how the judging works. They DO bring retrospective judging to bear in close calls, and average standards will be taken into account. This must be a precursor to them saving Steven. In a Steven vs Stacey battle, he cannot go home.
Feral Families, that sounds sensitive.
That dentist is really scary.
She’s probably played by Emily Blunt.
ms_isaro I am as surprised by that Book of Kells style ‘N’ as you.
His fractured meringue has collapsed structurally, his basket has dripped away to nothing. Paul looks like he’s wrestling with a terrible decision. Oh the humanity.
Christ Steven’s looks awful. He’s definitely not gone down the style over substance route, to his credit.
Updated
Stacey gets good feedback, if a little abivalent. Her flamingos are simplistic, but clear. Her meringue is too soft and too sweet. But that’s nicely counteracted by her dessert fillings being too tart. Is that…good? I guess so.
Oh, chewy is good? Make up your mind Paul.
Updated
“You have to release your mind,” counsels Timothy Leary Prue. Is she about to proffer a baggie of LSD, from inside the necklace?
Kate is clearly a child prodigy, and her flavour work is strong. Paul declares himself “freaked out” by it though. Did he have some sort of traumatic experience with a rainbow? Did a leprechaun stab you, for wandering close to his pot of gold?
Where DOES Prue get her collection of ball gag chokers from?
Judging time! Sophie’s cracked Desmond nonetheless performs strongly. A thick ganache is her only weakness, and let’s be honest that ain’t a bad weakness to have.
I actually prefer a chewy meringue. Is that an unpopular opinion? I know Paul wouldn’t be happy.
Let’s keep our heads people. This is down to the wire stuff.
I’m definitely booking two weeks in whatever field they film this show in, which is apparently hotter than Venus.
That’s not Dominic West in that Dolmio advert is it?
Liam got slaughtered - and kicked out - for the melted spun sugar last week. Will the same apply to Steven? #GBBO
— Emma 🐼 (@Sturdygirl0803) October 24, 2017
Oh man, I am very worried about this. Kate’s rainbow looks like a very young child indeed has had a go at draw-ring, which would be charming, but she is a grown woman.
Steven’s basket has withered away. Feels unfair they have to work in that kind of heat. There’s nothing they can do about it, and it’s not a failure of skill.
Wait, Steven’s not in trouble, is he? Is Stacey going to win the Great British Bake Off 2017??
Oh no! His basket is melting to nothing. Thank god there were no passengers in it.
Did Steven just say he can HEAR heat? If his baking spidey senses are that attuned, the others really have no chance.
Is it me or is Sophie’s meringue looking terrible? And didn’t she do badly at signature? But she did come first in technical? She’s not in trouble, right? I have no idea how to square these books.
Stacey chucks her eggs around, nearly decapitating her own flamingo. Not a sentence you write every day, to be honest.
Re: Noel’s ‘impression of Prue.’ I did not find this voice-synching comedy ‘bit’ worthwhile the first time, to be honest. Would be much funnier to attempt an actual impression. And less work.
Look at this bunch o’ melts, working chocolate in a hot room. They’ve got less chance than the witch at the end of the Wizard of Oz.
“If you’re gonna put it in, make sure they can taste it,” advises Stacey, an apopthegm that sums up the show’s move to Ch4, and the coarsening of our country’s moral fibre.
That, or her cover story is slipping and she’s overcompensating. Remember what they taught you in Pyongyang, Agent Hockeysocks!
Sophie’s talking about ballet a lot. I think she must have excited the attention of the DOP, and is having to field many questions.
Man, this is a lot of meringue. Makes me want to take a bath in lemon juice.
The gayest challenge of all time! The Mail won’t be happy. But then, they never are.
Paul reveals he’s colour blind, and Noel kindly passes up the opportunity to infer that’s why the Hollywood spray tan is so liberal. Chooses to mock the man’s shirt instead.
Love how the cameraman can’t get Sophie and Sandi in the same frame
Sophie went from ballet to the army to movie stunts and now Bake Off? Who is this person exactly? I’m now convinced she’s a North Korean agent, hiding in plain sight.
A pair of flamingos sounds lovely. I hope she calls them Kylie and Danii Meringue. And there could be a José Meringue as the daddy.
Stacey is making something pink! Drink!
Updated
Why do the Swiss need their own meringue? They’re usually so diplomatic about everything, but this is the thing they stake an outright claim to? Weirdos.
“Semi-final is more serious. There’s not as much banter.” THAT’S BECAUSE YOU SENT ALL THE BANTZ CREW HOME, innit. Shoutout to Yan, Liam.Also Selasi, just because I miss him.
Showstopper: Meringue Centrepiece
Meringue, m’lord?
MERINGUE! It’s my time.
Having said that, I do feel sick.
Does James Corden ever take a day off?
Oh, Kate’s going home, isn’t she. I can feel it.
Wait, is takes the cake a saying? I’m doubting myself now. With good cause. Anyway, WELL DONE SOPH.
Kate’s cold mess tastes lovely, while Steven has over-gilt his chocolate curl. He beats Kate, but is bested by Stacey, while Sophie rightfully takes the cake.
Judging time! Stacey’s are okay if messy, Sophie smashes it. She’s a credit to her house.
Did someone just hairspray their slices? It’s a fix!
I know that’s five, but the bakers are getting stuck trying to work out what 3 x 3 equals, so I don’t feel too bad.
Lord these look awful. Messy, melty, sticky, floppy and dusty. The seven dwarves of patisserie.
What’s happening? Oh, they’re tempering chocolate. Good god, Sophie’s ‘sexy’ dance, to accompany her slab-cooled cocoa, was profoundly David Brent-ish.
Noel has the air of a boy who’s in detention and then the teacher has to leave the room for some reason and he wants to muck around because what’s the worst that could happen– he’s already in detention– but there’s also no one else there to play to, and he has an existential epiphany, a tiny shiver that accompanies the beginning of the end of childhood.
What did Stacey say about Crème Herbert?
I don’t know what’s going on. Has there been one round where she hasn’t started again?
You don’t see many green shirts, do you? I don’t think I own a single one.
That looks impossible. It looks like the flag of Algeria rendered in sponge and mystery. The bakers are going to royally screw this up.
But oh my god, Paul doing French is the actual sound of Brexit. “Lez Miserab.”
“Les Mis is like some tragic story, isn’t it?” I do love Kate.
Technical Challenge: Les Miserables Slices
Gluten free pizza, now that’s a miserable slice
I firmly believe Noel ordered his chest hair online.
Omg that sheep was terrifying. NOT BECAUSE IT’S BLACK. THE BLACK ONES ARE THE BEST. It was just…absolutely enormous.
Stacey’s uni-chouxs look like a first aid emergency at a clown convention
Hurrah! Kate’s anti-Brexit textures and flavour are spot on. Well now, this is interesting.
Sophie’s buns are flat? Sacrilege! She endures her nightmare, when Paul declares his slight disappointment. She looks crushed. The pillow in the dormitory is getting an absolute pounding later.
I love how strongly Paul believes cracalan to be sentient. “It’s kidding you.”
I don’t know how to spell krackalin.
Updated
Judging time! Steven’s flat buns are somehow burnt and underbaked. Interesting. The choux is on the other foot now, eh?
#GBBO needs to do an all stars series for all the people who deserved better over the years pic.twitter.com/f7ok0zQNok
— demi (@demibiddles) October 24, 2017
Angela Carter-esque Green & Blacks advert. Quite classy.
Stacey looks happy, doesn’t she.
“I feel like I’m your carer,” Noel tells Stacey. “I’m gonna send the nurse in.” Make sure she has an absolute tray of Mogadon, please.
Kate looks quite in control, doesn’t she? I guess this means something awful is about to happen.
Stacey’s being very...on brand
Muted response to Noel’s ‘Mr Spoon’ voice, as it really was quite disturbing.
She IS very short though. I heard that despite the huge Bake Off wages, she’s still struggling to put food on the table.
Love how Steven has time, while wrestling with a piping bag, to have a crack at Sandi’s height.
How do they all know Sophie is good at patisserie? Does she wear a badge or something?
Kate’s taking her buns on a European tour. Well, you’re only young once.
Stacey’s filling sounds as mint as her top. Love a banana anything.
I have no idea wha Steven is doing. Something to do with a flux capacitor and inverting the chemical valency of dough itself?
Ah, thanks Stacey. It’s a jacket for your buns, everyone.
What is this crack-a-lackin’ word they all keep saying?
Paul’s not the only one looking for an unctuous filling and cracking top. Sign me up.
Signature challenge: choux buns
Bless you
Steven wants to prove to himself he’s good enough? Unless he’s flatmates with Dominique Ansel he must be better at baking than anyone he has ever met. I don’t know if this will do it.
Stacey’s getting turnt for tonight’s episode. I think she may have a hipflask on her person.
Do you think Sophie has ever been pictured against anything other than a lavender bush backdrop?
I marvel at the number of ways they find for Paul to say every episode of the Bake Off is the most difficult there has ever been in the history of the Bake Off.
I forgot Stacey was Star Baker last time. What a week that was. Liam!
Excellent ‘Malcolm Eggs’ gag to kick off, in which Noel clutches a chicken and tries to make it lay, a skit vegans may find hard to digest.
Hit those meringue nests too hard. Can barely see straight from the sugar now. Let’s do this!
A snifter of bingo, milady? Your constitutional.
- Prue trialling a new catchphrase: “Waddle back to your hovel, you wasteman.”
- Stacey baking a cake the exact shade of pink as herself.
- Noel refusing to come down from the roof.
- Paul not caring any more, now Liam’s gone.
- Sophie dropping the loosey-goosey act and roundhousing her nearest competitor.
There’s no point pretending ALL our favourites haven’t gone. But who do we fancy from who’s left? Interpret ‘fancy’ however you please.
Hi Stella, Hi Katy! Good to have you.
The nests are out of date but they are M&S, which I feel makes them more robust. Somehow.
WAIT I FOUND SOME PLAIN MERINGUE NESTS GUYS. Can I eat them? Is that beyond the pale?
davedave69, this officially makes you a jammie dodger. Welcome.
I’d check out the spiced, German soft cookies though. They’re like pyjamas for your insides.
Lebkuchen? Colour me well jels, brolene and ms isaro. I had one single section of Galaxy Caramel in the house and it’s gone now. Not a bar. One section of a bar. Hideous times.
Clear the frog in your throat from last week, because you’ll need the room for the butterflies in your tummy tonight.
We’ve got a hell of a semi in front of us; nonetheless, let’s try and focus. One more baker will be evicted this week, before we enter the bear pit of the final. Will it be Kate, who has proved herself the series’ Houdini? Will it be Stacey, more stressful to watch than an election night special? Will it be … no, it’ll be one of those two, clearly.
Please join me later, when I’ll be providing minute by minute anti-insights, with all manner of trash talk, political outrage and inconsequential biscuit chat below the line. In other words, the best screening party, and everyone’s invited.
The show starts at 8pm, so catch you then!
