Showstopping showstoppers save the day
So what do we think? It’s long, and adverts are...wearing. But Sandi and Noel could work well if they relax, and the bakers themselves impressed. There are a few artists in there. I’d say that last round alone warranted another week’s watching.
I also imagine GeneralMittens is bang on the money with what happens next, but I can’t print that up here. Shame on you. Er, General.
Thanks for all your ribaldry/ Jaffa Cake research/ arms crossed nonplussedness everyone! Come say hello to me on twitter or Instagram (I know but it’s 2017). Otherwise, I’ll see you next week, same time. Unless you’ve been arrested by then!
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Is it dark because they make them stay in the grounds until they cry on camera?
Next week is biscuits. I do want to see if Sandi and Noel relax, plus I’m contractually obliged. But I’d love to see you all again!
Star Baker is Steven
A worthy win for Steven. And Peter is sent home. Called it. Goodbye Peter, we’ll miss you.
But then again we didn’t really know you, so easy come, easy go.
And the winner is...Microsoft Surface.
This show does end tonight yes?
What’s in Martin Freeman’s Vodafone bag is it Kevin Bacon advertising some bacon, to a Jake Bugg soundtrack?
Did you say you wanted some ad- the upshot is, they’re here. So watch some capitalism and eat your cake.
Judging time! Peter is giving the side eye to … himself? He could be on the way home. Noel decides to take one for the team, and leaves instead. I’m worried about his self-confidence, which is not something I thought I would ever worry about with Noel Fielding.
Noel Fielding is talking like he's meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time #gbbo
— Ed Gamble (@EdGambleComedy) August 29, 2017
“The standard’s been ridiculously high, hasn’t it.”
AAAH! The Prue-Liam mutual propositioning staggers Paul. “Mouth-watering.” “I want to come for yours for breakfast.” “Any time.”
Pure filth. Maybe that’s the reason the show’s moved to Channel 4? Are we going to get Prue’s Room after-hours webcam access?
Stacey’s clutch looks like the mermaid’s purse that issued a kraken, but the flavour’s good. Sophie’s bottle is dry, but Steven, my man love, Steven’s sandwich looks like savoury heaven, and is described as “perfect” in all regards. Can Flo take him down, or does he have this sewn up?
Nice bit of anti-Siberian humour from Julia. Not enough of that on the telly.
Yan’s synaesthetic marvel wins plaudits, while Kate has points deducted for going topless. James suffers coffee collapse, and Chris’ pie is dry. Flo has made one big melon, singular, depriving the presenters and me the opportunity for seaside humour, and for that, I say: nuts to you. I know we forgot to talk about North Korea, but the interior of Flo’s cake is doing all the talking for us. It’s a big red wedge of superb-ness.
Put down your cups of syrup everyone, we’re back, and it’s judging time! That katsu is mouthwatering.
The fall of Kevin Bacon is a parable for our age. It’s like something off Black Mirror.
Could really do with some adver- oh don’t worry, they’re here.
Wow look at that Stork with Butter cake.
Yan! What is Yan doing! She’s made a chicken katsu fillet and mango salmon roe made with liquefied agar jelly. A woman after my own heart. I’ve also decided I love Steven.
Holy what now? Sophie’s bottle tops look like – how best to put this – an anatomically correct glans. Dong Perignon, anyone?
sorry if I’m being Krug.
Stacey bins four sponges, and is in a flap. “The clock seems to get faster” worries Chris, like a man whose very sense of reality is under-baked. On the whole though, this lot are actually pretty dang good, right? They’ve been hiding some serious chops in their bushel.
I love how the set of Steven’s mouth and deadpan accent give him the fixed demeanour of a man who’s discovered a wiry hair in his yoghurt. Yan meanwhile is making a bananarama. No, a banana ramen. That sounds yumsch, let me at it.
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Is Noel Fielding in drag as a normal human being? Let your crazy out Noel! I know you want to put an icing bag on your dongle and impersonate Mussolini.
Spreadsheet Chris is aping Paul’s own pork pie, which is a bold move. Flo’s melon sounds good too. But Kate! Kate has gone nuclear. Glacier mint glass terrarium housing buttercream houseplants! I don’t even know if that sentence makes English sense! She’s designed the moulds herself, as has Peter. Who is making a cake that looks like a cake, as far as I can see.
Stacey’s moist clutch is definitely Noel’s bag, while Sophie has tricked bouncers before with her champagne bucket and bottle cake. Loving Liam’s Hollywood backchat. “Just trust me, Paul.” First name power play! Go on, Liam.
Prue does look a little wind-tunnel struck. And a bit Mary Berry Mach II. But I don’t mind her. Thoughts?
“Gotta smash it regardless of how I feel.” Not a recipe for mental health, Liam. I worry. I just want to mother him.
Showstopper: illusion cake
A cake that looks anything but? Are illusion cakes a thing?
Your guys’ verdict seems to be it’s a bit...uncanny valley? Not bad exactly, but too beholden to its forebear? Obviously you didn’t say it like that. And we think Sandi is a bit lost?
Educating Manchester looks good...
That drumming advert was pretty good, mainly because it wasn’t for cake. Not the dizzy heights of the Dairy Milk gorilla doing Phil Collins, but you have to live in the now.
Show the aggressive chicken one! It’s all I want to see.
She’s not going to make a...road cake? What’s road cake?
Some commercial messages! Everyone’s favourite bit. Are you ready for 115 adverts for cake mix?
Judging time! Julia appears constantly on the edge of total mental collapse, though her mini rolls are better than they look. Liam’s “sea inside” rolls are described as “art” by Prue, but Kate’s first ever attempt at mini rolls are glorious. James also impresses with his white lines. Yan and Peter fail the brief, and Kate takes it! She’s redeemed her first round performance, and looks good.
s’funny
Proof that Noel is a secret cake maker! C4 knew he got the skills. #GBBO #noelfielding pic.twitter.com/iKBdkRCxaM
— MancSAF (@MancSAF) August 29, 2017
Noel having a lot of fun with the concept of exposed bottoms. Chance would be a fine thing. Promises, promises etc
I’m with you Scubar, Flo’s looking good...
“They are looking absolutely … awful.” Not sure who said this, I think James, but I can’t stop laughing. That sentence took us on such a journey.
OKAY we’re going to have to talk about that bowled over ‘bit’. Not on my watch Sandi. Egregious content
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“I’ve put white chocolate in with the milk chocolate – see if I can do something with it.” – Peter. Move over James, there’s a new contender!
“Nice and smooth, but plenty of body. The egg is the only raising agent in this.” – James, the Barry White of mini rolls.
Noel and Sandi look bloody odd together, don’t they. Like a velociraptor and a barn owl hanging out.
It is against nature and against God, sir
Technical challenge: 12 chocolate mini rolls
Ah mini rolls, the taste of a hastily improvised picnic. “I’ve never made a mini roll in ma life – why would I?” says Kate slightly angrily. It’s a good point. They cost about 4p for a hundred in the supermarket.
Yan describes her effort as “the Peter Beardsley of cakes.” I love her.
Another Hollywood handshake! Army veteran Sophie’s pineapple and coconut sandwich provides a wallop of flavour and she is beside herself. She looked like SUCH a Middleton when Paul gave her the digits.
Steven’s Bonfire Night cake is a toffee-tailed delight to see, and a spicy hit. James has got a soggy bottom, middle, and a drowned top.
Judging time! “No one’s going to eat a marigold.” Prue has an ear for an aphorism. And Noel has a mouth for eating flowers. “Tastes like a clown’s nose.” Kate’s cake is too rosy, Peter’s bicarbonate of burn-your-mouth-off doesn’t impress either. Early-finish Flo looks like she’s bossing it. The judging is much more compressed, isn’t it? A sort of highlights reel of insults so far.
I agree, they do need to stop saying Froooty Cake. Gives me the heeebie jeebies.
Why is the chicken so confident? Does he know what’s in KFC?
OH MAN. This chicken advert is BANANAS
Wow look at that Stork with butter cake! Do go away.
Why are they all clapping each other? It’s not touchdown on a budget airline.
James has lost his bottom but Stacey’s bundt looks mint. “Dripping all over the place,” she notes. Oh, Bake Off, it’s good to have you back.
“Who doesn’t want a fruity conclusion?” Sandi is game. We like. Do we? What do we think of Noel?
But how will we tell the Scousers apart? Can I say that? delete DELETE
Another scouser! What is happening. What do you think of your new job? Flo asks Noel. “I don’t think I’m gonna be alright.” Oh Noel! First day nerves. He does seem a little buttoned up. I just want him to put his face in a sponge and impersonate the moon.
Yes davidargile. Chris DOES look like Graham Norton. This is now a supergroup
Architect Tom is putting a gilded pear on a cardamom cake. I hope to God he presents it while playing a white piano that rises out of the floor.
She’s made “a puddle of fat” and has to start again. Meanwhile Paul is mocking Flo’s accent. “Is that a lemon cheuuurd? I’ll translate.” Wonderful scouse on scouse ribbing.
Yan is a wildcard, on this evidence. A biomedical scientist and footballer who had to write “Turn the oven on” on her hand as a reminder. AND THEN DIDN’T DO IT ANYWAY. Which, er … area of bio-medicine do you work in just curious?
Fruity cakes are fraught with peril. How long will the wetter batter take to bake? It’s turning a bit Dr Seuss.
Look at the command with which Peter cracked that coconut on the counter. Like Sean Connery. A cross between Connery and a Creature Comforts character, anyway.
Does a loaf imply bread, or merely bread shape? Paul and Liam getting into deep philosophical water. See also: are Jaffa Cakes cakes?
I remember when boxes for Happy Meals and the like would carry the exploits of cartoon kid’s gangs, and there’d always be a disabled character who was called “Wheels” and a geeky one with glasses called “Prof”. Bad times.
Stacey sounds like good value. “I call my grandmother Buzz because her hearing aid always buzzes.” One to watch.
“It does get a little juicy.” Mel would have jumped all over that. Everyone’s on first day of school best behaviour so far.
James digging a suspicious plot of turned earth with his father. “Put your back into it,” he threatens. Chilling. (No, he seems very nice.)
“That looks like proper rhubarb out of a garden,” says Prue to James. What else would it be and where from? Flamingo legs from Rhodesia? Strawberry laces from the land of giants?
Signature challenge: fruity cake
They have to bake with fresh fruit, not dried. It’s a no sultana-party, as Noel says.
It’s Cake Week! They’re going to be making … cakes. Different types of cakes. (I’m feeling a bit rusty too. Give me a minute.)
Noel calls Paul Ol’ Blue Eyes (despite the fact he himself has very blue eyes). We are going to be requiring some meaner nicknames, Noel. Sue prodding at Paul like a bear in a tutu was one of the best things about the show.
“She’s got 50 years experience.” Backhand to Mr Hollywood
Paul making the very good point that no one knows what Prue likes in a bake. “It has to be worth the calories,” Prue answers immediately. Now THERE is a motto for life if ever I heard one. *tucks into back pocket*
Relatively low-key intro, although they are in a hot air balloon so not that low key. Nice nod to Sue from Sandi, an elegant little baton pass. Ooh, I like the look of this new batch of bakers. They look up for it. Interpret “up for it” however you like.
Buy Dr Oetker! And drink syrup! Are we all clear?
Temperatures cooling, more showers coming, according to the weather report.
Just say it, Ch4. WINTER IS COMING
New lineup, new danger. How to make a bingo card with so many unknown elements in the mix? Watching the new show establish its own conventions, calibrate the chemistry and try new things will be fascinating. But let’s start with:
- Anyone addressing the channel-switch controversy, however indirectly
- Noel channeling a Victorian crow
- Paul fingering his goatee while smirking, possibly thinking about money
- Sandi plugging women’s equality AND QUITE RIGHT TOO
- Prue reinventing herself the way you do when you start at a new college
RustyschwinnToo, you don’t know who Noel Fielding is? Excellent! You can be our litmus.
Please update us by the end on who you think Noel Fielding is, on the strength of tonight’s showing. This is Real Science
Exclusively North Korea chat in the ad breaks, Tallulah! Liveblog comments now possess more gravitas than our actual political discourse anyway
sadface
Well, well, well. Look who’s come crawling back.
(It’s me. And by implication, you too.)
Like all stout-hearted citizens, I was outraged by the Great British Bake Off’s move from the BBC when it was announced last year. You can’t cuckold Auntie! Then Channel 4 announced the new presenters would be Noel Fielding and Sandi Toksvig, a decision so bat-guano crazy I thought: they might just have saved the nation’s best-loved show. Or it’ll be the most fascinating misfire in the history of television. Either way, high stakes and worth a watch.
And do you know what? The world is in a moral bog right now, and the yeasty bosom of Bake Off seems pretty damn appealing.
So, I’ll be live blogging the new series every Tuesday (obviously) and I’d love for you to pitch in with scurrilous gossip, baking puns and misplaced outrage. Kickoff is 8pm tonight, so I’ll see you here then!
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