So that’s it for another Bake Off, and it was a corker. Next week is bread week, which is always good for a laugh - I’ll be back here then, so do come and say hello. Thank you for joining in with all your comments, free free to come and chat all things baking on Twitter @heidistephens, should you be so inclined. See you next week! Hx
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Results time! Star baker this week goes to IAN! Well deserved, I think, and he’s all emotional. Going home this week is...MARIE! Sad, but inevitable after this week’s performance. Goodness, the Bake Off tent is HARSH.
So, who will this week’s Star Baker be, and who will be going home? I’m thinking Ian for Star Baker, and Marie to leave this week. Which would be a shame after getting SB last week.
Sandy’s savoury box is beautiful, but her biscuits are a bit soft. Tamal’s chequerboard biscuits have good flavour, as does his star anise box. Ugne’s box is a bit garish for Mary (this week’s jacket: beyond garish), and Paul loves her biscuits. Dorret’s frogs are bitter, and her gingerbread is a bit soft. Nadiya’s box hasn’t been decorated, but the flavour is great and the fortune cookies are fabulous. Paul’s memory box is lovely and has great flavour, but his macarons are massive. Mat’s fabulous fire engine with internal teabags is a big success.
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Ian’s macaron box is a perfect cylinder, and his macarons are a winner. The box has beautiful flavour too. Flora’s box is broken, but a great bake all the same. Alvin’s box is an Ikea flatpack, but the brandy snaps are lovely. Marie’s box looks like a coffin, and her biscuits are quite plain and lacking somehow.
Ugne is making a fondant baby. Flora’s lid has crumbled, and Sue has broken Nadiya’s box. Time’s up!
Nadiya’s box is too warm, so she can’t decorate it. If she’s going down, it’s going to be while she’s making fortune cookies.
Both Mat and Flora are shaping their biscuits like teabags. What are the chances? Nadiya is refusing to go down without a fight, but it’s not looking good. Tamal’s biscuits are puffy, and Marie is looking wobbly.
“Decorating is definitely the key element in this”, Flora tells us. Thanks for that showstopper insight, Flora.
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Nadiya is making fortune cookies in a mildly panicked fashion. She’s worrying about having enough time to decorate her box. They only have a standard oven, Mel reminds us. Poor Flora, the absence of an AGA must be literally hell on a hotplate.
Biscuits are coming out. Nadiya’s looks like a cow pat, but she seems happy. Sandy’s are looking marvellous, prompting a celebratory “GET IN” and a Henman fist pump. Tamal’s biscuits are massive and he doesn’t know why. I’m guessing the volume of biscuit dough may have something to do with it, because physics.
We’re all waiting to see if Tim’s shortbread cylinder has crumbled like a hammer made of macarons. Breathe, everyone – it looks good, and he’s even got his ruler on it for good measure (see what I did there? OH NEVER MIND).
Oh no! Nadiya’s cowpat biscuit bowls have collapsed.
Dorret is making a box of frogs, because she’s mad as. They look rather fabulous, but Paul wonders if using a stamp is a shortcut. UH-OH.
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Marie is making a Russian shortbread box, whilst Ugne is sculpting a baby climbing into her Ukranian box. Why? WHY?
Mat is making a gingerbread fire engine, because he’s insane. Tasty-looking things are heading into the oven, although Sandy is worried her edible box might not actually be a box.
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Ian has made his own nesting aluminium tins to create a cylinder of shortbread. It’s nothing on Richard’s Eclairway To Heaven from last year, but we DO love a homemade gadget. He’s planning to fill it with macarons, because what macarons really need is an edible tub.
Random Sandy also has cutting templates with her name on, bespoke kitchen stuff is clearly all the rage this year. She’s making a savoury box flavoured with sundried tomatoes and cheese. Sandy is planning to market the templates, and her box is going to “put Bradford on the map”. The Industrial Revolution pales into insignificance in the face of Sandy’s templates.
Nadiya’s box will be round, and made with ginger and cayenne pepper. It will be filled with fortune cookies. Tamal is making a gingerbread without any gingerbread, but it will have star anise. Flora is making an Indian tea chest full of Earl Grey biscuits. Flora, you’re NINETEEN. Make a shortbread stash box and fill it with Rizlas and munchies for later.
Paul is making a gingerbread memory box with pink macarons in honour of his wife. Why not just rip out my heart while you’re at it?
Alvin is making a gingerbread casket with brandy snaps in. The word “casket” is making this feel less edible, if I’m honest.
What came first, do you think? The challenge, or the innuendo potential of the word “box”? I WILL NOT BE DRAWN INTO THIS.
It’s Showstopper time! 36 biscuits, in a biscuit box made from a different biscuit from the inside biscuits. Any shape, size or flavour. What could possibly go wrong?
Marie comes last, and may be in trouble this week. Second is Flora, and Dorret gets first. Hooray! Last week’s fail is behind her.
It’s judgement time. Dorret’s look good and are nice and uniform, and the taste and texture is good too. Sandy’s taste OK, and Ian’s are a bit dry and chewy. Marie’s have a nice texture, but there are only four of them. Alvin’s have been rolled the wrong way. Flora’s look lovely, but the cinnamon is a bit thin. Ugne’s are just dough, Paul’s are overbaked and a bit of mess. Tamal’s are a bit chewy, and Nadiya’s are underbaked and not rolled out enough. None of them look anything like Paul’s.
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Three minutes left! Marie’s oven wasn’t on properly, which is a DISASTER. They look like pancakes, and she has a face like thunder.
Nobody knows when to add the filling. Or how to roll it. Or what the hell they’re doing. Also, what’s the point of making puff pastry in reverse? Surely you get the same thing in the end?
Dorret’s look pretty good, so hopefully she won’t have a disaster like last week. Flora’s FULL of useful baking insights, isn’t she?
Marie’s dough has welded to her clingfilm, and there’s lots of rolling and chilling. If you’ve every made croissants, this is the boring bit.
The instructions say “wrap the butter around the dough”, so everyone wants to wrap the dough around the butter. Apart from Flora, who still has the READ THE QUESTION mantra of her A-level teachers ringing in her ears.
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Tamal is struggling with Paul’s instructions, which just say “make the dough”. There’s a lot of “I’m assuming he wants…” going on, which is shorthand for “I have absolutely no clue what I’m doing”.
“It’s a wee bit on the complicated side for a biscuit”, says Marie, who was no doubt raised on Nairns oatcakes and the occasional shortbread finger. “I’m following it step by step”, says Random Sandy, whose natural urge is clearly to throw all ingredients in a cocktail shaker and do the hokey-cokey.
Back in the tent, it’s time for the Technical Challenge! Paul wants them to make 8 Arlettes, which is apparently a cinnamon-flavoured biscuit. They look like big cheesy whirls, or an edible frisbee.
Time’s up! Mat’s are beautiful, with a good crunch. Paul is impressed. Nadiya’s look very even, and Paul finds the flavour fascinating. Marie’s aren’t uniform enough, but have a nice crunch. Paul wanted more ingredients. Maybe fennel? Ugne’s are a winner, but Alvin’s are a bit soft. The flavours are beautiful, but they needed another ten minutes. Sandy’s are tasty, but Dorret’s are too hard. Tamal’s flavours are a bit bland, and Paul’s have great texture and flavour (according to Paul H), but Mary isn’t keen. Flora’s fennel ticks Mary’s box, and Ian’s rosemary biscotti are surprisingly good. Risky, but it paid off.
Tamal is having issues with his syphilis biscotti. He’s SO pretty though, so that’s OK. Nadia forgot to put the fennel in, hooray! Oh hang on, she’s shoving it into the coconut.
So you end up with a big biscotti ciabatta, then slice them up and bake them again in slices. Marie’s have apricot and cranberry, but they are fragile. She’s appealing to Paul in a whispery fashion. It’s a bit unsettling.
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One hour left! Nadiya’s biscotti include coconut, pistachio and fennel seeds. Stop it with the fennel. Tamal has used something called physalis. Or possibly syphilis.
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Ugne is using goji berries, because Holland & Barrett have a sale on. Possibly. Dorret is including amber sugar crystals, whatever the hell they are. Flora’s are traditional wedding biscotti which include fennel and sesame seeds. Worst wedding ever.
Ian is making his biscotti from orange, cranberry and...rosemary. ROSEMARY. That’s for LAMB, Ian, you sick individual. Random Sandy is making hers with hazelnut and chocolate chunks (yum), whilst Paul is going for the same, but with extra figs. I see no need for figs. Figs are surplus to requirements here.
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So, Signature bake time. This week it’s 24 Biscotti, which mostly taste like old stale biscuits that break your teeth and sit in the pantry for years. Alvin is flavouring his with jackfruit and macadamias. He’s the only one using fresh fruit, so they might be soggy. Paul is worrying that Mat’s cranberries might end up like bullets.
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I love this music, but they STILL haven’t fixed the missing raspberry on the cake in the titles. We’re on series 6, can someone sort it out?
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Previously on Bake-Off – a Madeira cake signature, a walnut cake technical, and Black Forest gateau showstoppers. Dorret’s mousse made a run for it, but it was be-hatted hipster Stu’s alternative flavours that had Mary boaking him out of the Bake Off tent. Bye Stu, you were rather lovely and my daughter’s favourite, but you wrote your eviction notice in beetroot, which was never going to end well. For what it’s worth, I agree with the commenters who said the first week should be a no-eviction week, like Strictly. Gives everyone a proper chance then.
Watching something called Pound Shop Wars, a fly-on-the-wall documentary about competing discount chains in Scarborough, which has somehow made its way into BBC1 midweek primetime. I miss Countryfile.
Evening all, and welcome to this week’s Great British Bake Off liveblog! After last week’s cake-fuelled kick-off, tonight is Biscuit Week, which means with any luck Paul and Mary will stop wanging on about crack and will move on to snap and crumble instead. Other Rice Crispie characters are available.
I’ve decided I rather like this year’s contestants – there are some interesting characters in there, and we’ve already had the first ‘crying over runny mousse’ incident of the series. My money’s on Ian or Flora for the win this year, provided she gets to grips with the mystery that is the domestic fan oven. The rest of the contestants all seem lovely, and I’d love to see Random Sandy stick around for a few weeks, just for the Victoria Wood impressions.
So, biscuits. I’m partial to a Rich Tea myself – nothing dunks in a mug of tea better. If I’m pushing the boat out, you can’t beat a dark chocolate Digestive, or a batch of homemade Yorkshire Gingernuts (Mary Berry recipe, obv). Mmm, biscuits.
I’ll be here from 8pm to keep an eye on every crappy cracker and floppy Florentine. Do join in with the comments below, it adds a whole new level of joy to my ramblings. See you at 8!
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