Far be it from me to suggest that much of the Strictly-related sounding-off has been manipulated in response to The X Factor's Laryngitis-gate, but I can't help but hark back to a simpler time: a time when bad behaviour from contestants triggered genuine upset from their colleagues rather than media-friendly pontificating; a time when people reacted according to how they felt rather than what they thought the cameras wanted to see; a time when a series narrative wasn't constructed before the first episode even aired.
1. Nasty Nick – Big Brother 1, 2000
Still the original and best reality TV villain, Nick Bateman tried to manipulate the voting process for eviction. When he was caught, rather than attempt to settle it with fisticuffs or an appeal to the arbitrary authority of Big Brother, the housemates all sat down round a table, aired their grievances and demanded explanations – a precursor to The Jeremy Kyle Show, if you will.
2. Hazel leaves Popstars: The Rivals, 2002
Singer Hazel Kaneswaren got into the final 10 after much lobbying from Louis Walsh, who didn't see the fact that she was eight months pregnant as any kind of obstacle, possibly blinded by the fact that she's Irish and he loves to support his countryfolk. When Kaneswaren sent off her passport to the show's lawyers to get her contract drawn up, they promptly sent it back and told her that according to the rules she was 10 days too old for the competition. She was quietly shunted off to the maternity ward, and her place was taken by Kimberley Walsh. The rest is history.
3. Brendan v Lee – Love Island, 2006
Violence can never be the answer, but Hollyoaks' Lee Otway can't say he wasn't asking for it. Having spent a month and a half whining like a petulant baby, following Shane Lynch round like a lost puppy, and failing to get off with Playboy model Colleen Shannon, he then tried to pick a fight with the bad boy of ballroom, Brendan Cole. Otway threw the first punch, and Cole retaliated with six blows to the face, telling his agitator: "That's one punch for every week you've pissed me off." He spoke for the viewing dozens.
4. Louis doesn't leave The X Factor, 2007
How we all delighted in the news that Louis Walsh had finally left the show after years of threatening to throw his toys out of the pram! How we all looked on in bewilderment as his replacement, Brian Friedman, was told his services were no longer required halfway through the first show of the series because Walsh was coming back! Why have there been no petitions or complaints to Ofcom about this particular usurpation?
5. Lord Lloyd Webber and Sir Cameron Mackintosh are sore losers, 2008
Invariably, judges from reality TV shows have their favourites. Lloyd Webber and Mackintosh wanted Jessie Buckley to be chosen as Nancy. When Jodie Prenger emerged as the frontrunner, Lloyd Webber subtly made insinuations about her weight disguised as compliments ("an outsize talent", if you please). When she finally won, neither could hide their disappointment: "I'm thrilled. For Jodie," was producer Mackintosh's contribution; "The people's Nancy. That was always going to be the case," was Lloyd Webber's.
Which are your favourite debacles from the annals of reality TV?
