What exactly is forgiveness? Is it possible to forgive somebody who has murdered your loved one, abused or once kidnapped you, and move on? How can we break the toxic cycle of revenge and seek new narratives? Collected in this timely, immensely moving book, which has thought-provoking forewords from Alexander McCall Smith and Desmond Tutu, are powerful stories from survivors who have eschewed vengeance in favour of forgiveness, laid side-by-side with narratives from the perpetrators.
It was growing global conflict, together with hearing a news story about a father forgiving a doctor who had accidentally administered a lethal drug to his three-year-old daughter, that led to Marina Cantacuzino founding the Forgiveness Project, a secular organisation exploring reconciliation and restorative justice through the personal narratives of those who have “used their agony as a spur for positive change”.
“Human affairs require resolution, I think, in much the same way that music does. There is a deep human need for it, just as the ear anticipates and yearns for musical resolution,” writes Alexander McCall Smith. Here are lifetimes of pain, courage and resolution from around the world, including the UK, Norway, Poland, Palestine, Bosnia, Rwanda, Indonesia, Senegal, Egypt, Australia and the US. From a survivor of the 2005 London suicide bombings to the mother who met and forgave the person who stabbed her teenage son to death, these are harrowing accounts.
“You can’t stay around in the fog. You need to soar, to go higher. That’s forgiveness,” writes Wilma Derksen, whose 13-year-old daughter was murdered. “For me, forgiving has been about turning what has happened to us into good.”
This remarkable book deserves to be read and reread – it shows how to bear the unbearable by transforming corrosive resentment into empathy and compassion.
The Forgiveness Project: Stories for a Vengeful Age by Marina Cantacuzino (Jessica Kingsley Publishers, £16.99). To order a copy for £13.59, go to bookshop.theguardian.com or call 0330 333 6846. Free UK p&p over £10, online orders only. Phone orders min. p&p of £1.99.
