The food quiz of the year: from vegan sausage rolls to chlorinated chicken

1. Boris Johnson’s diet consists solely of chlorinated chicken washed down with the salty tears of the disadvantaged. But in order to get himself elected he had to pretend to like normal things, too. What did he claim he couldn’t get delivered to Downing Street due to security concerns?

   1. A Domino’s American hot pizza

   2. Fish and chips wrapped in newspaper

   3. A Thai green curry

   4. A pot of Jeremy Corbyn’s damson jam

2. 

   When Marc Veyrat’s restaurant La Maison des Bois was stripped of a Michelin star, he didn’t take it too well, bless. To what did he compare the experience?

   1. Losing a girlfriend and the Champions League

   2. Having to eat in a British restaurant

   3. Falling in love with an uninterested pig

   4. Being buried alive with a McDonald's Filet-O-Fish

3. 

   It was the food hit of the year, largely because it made Piers Morgan cry. But what was the key ingredient in Greggs' vegan sausage roll?

   1. Soy protein mince

   2. Quorn

   3. Pureed jackfruit

   4. Reconstituted potato starch

4. A video prank that joyously combined “food” with “er, is that child cruelty?” went viral this year – what did it involve?

   1. Dipping your toddler’s feet in chocolate fondue

   2. Making your child eat insects

   3. Squirting jelly up your kid’s nostrils

   4. Flinging cheese slices at your baby’s face

5. 

   What did pub chain JD Wetherspoon add to its menu in October?

   1. Limited-edition “Brexit bangers” to celebrate the EU divorce that never happened

   2. A full range of British red wines

   3. A meat-free burger to cater for its increasingly vegan clientele

   4. Gammon-infused craft ale

6. 

   Men used to tell women to get back in the kitchen. Now they want them out of it. For what reason did Marco Pierre White say he preferred male chefs?

   1. They know how to use a knife properly

   2. They drive faster, so turn up to work earlier

   3. They can stomach working with raw meat

   4. They handle pressure without getting emotional

7. No, it’s not a Richard Littlejohn fever dream: what did some London councils decide to ban this year?

   1. Ice-cream vans

   2. Any food items served on pieces of slate

   3. Tips for waiting staff

   4. Street food

8. 

   The climate crisis was officially proven to be a bad thing this year thanks to which disturbing effect in the UK?

   1. Chips were an inch shorter than normal

   2. Corner shops reported a 200% increase in chocolate bars melting

   3. Several restaurants closed citing the cost of air conditioning

   4. A fivefold increase in spiders found in supermarket bananas

9. Meat from animals is sooo last year. And so, apparently, is meat from plants. So what did one ambitious Californian startup claim it could make meat out of this year?

   1. Sheep faeces

   2. Exhaust fumes

   3. Insect energy

   4. Thin air

10. 

    There was an outbreak of “Sacré bleu!” on the patisserie scene when the new owners of Patisserie Valerie revealed which cost-cutting measure that had previously been in place at the beleaguered bakery?

    1. Hiring patissiers with no formal training

    2. Reheating croissants bought from a nearby supermarket

    3. Using eggs that had gone up to a month past their best-before date

    4. Using margarine instead of butter in the puff pastry

Solutions

1:C, 2:A, 3:B, 4:D, 5:C, 6:D, 7:A, 8:A, 9:D, 10:D

Scores

1. 10 and above.

   Perfect! You’ve been following Boris Johnson’s takeaway choices just to win this quiz and that’s not at all weird.

2. 7 and above.

   Congratulations – you know your meat-free meals from your Michelin-starred moaners.

3. 0 and above.

   Terrible. Clearly this world of meat-free sausage rolls and shrivelled chips has put you off food for good.

4. 4 and above.

   Middling. Butter, marge … it’s all the same thing to you, no doubt.