The FBI has raided Donald Trump’s Mar-A-Lago mansion looking for more evidence of a lack of evidence.
Trump is accused of stashing highly sensitive material. Trump insists he’s only interested in highly insensitive material.
Trump was at Trump Tower at the time. The FBI are now planning a raid on his ivory one.
“They rummaged through my stuff,” said Trump. “I’m the only one who can rummage. I used to rummage the country!”
Luckily, investigators found the US Republican Party bound and gagged in a beer fridge.
MILITARY SPENDING TO RISE FROM WOEFULLY INADEQUATE TO FULLY INADEQUATE
Prime Minister Anthony Albanese says defence spending will be maintained at 2 per cent of GDP – or four instalments of three-fifths of stuff all.
Albanese means business. He shouted almost audibly: “We will fight them on the beaches… but only between the flags.”
The Chinese military are shaking in their boots. Too much laughter will do that.
EQUAL OPPORTUNITY QUOTAS FOR WOMEN ONLY
Former Liberal minister Linda Reynolds has called for a temporary quota to boost the number of women in the party.
But, just like the Labor Party, the equal opportunity quota doesn’t include people with disabilities, LGBTQIA+, Indigenous, ethnic or racial minorities … or Goths.
“‘Equal representation’ doesn’t actually mean equal representation,” said a major party back-tracker.
“For example, Parliament already has one person in a wheelchair. Two wheelchairs will seem like carelessness.”
JUNK FOOD AD BAN EATS GREENS
Independent MPs are proposing a ban of junk food advertising because they’ve had nothing to do since Albanese passed the climate bill.
Nearly a quarter of Australian children are overweight, and one in 10 are obese. The rest are dangerously well-nourished.
The National Obesity Strategy (despite the name, its goal is to stop obesity) said kids are exposed to 827 TV junk food advertisements a year.
Oddly, the strategy doesn’t blame parents for letting their kids watch too much TV.
One parent took offence: “My child may be obese, but not morbidly. The little tyke loves all the crap we serve him.”
Advertisements must now come with a warning – Objects In The Playground May Be Larger Than They Appear.
In other news…
DUTTON BUYS PELOSI PINK PANT SUIT TO START WAR
RAINMAN REMAKE CUTS SPEECH ABOUT QANTAS BEING GOOD AIRLINE
AUSSIE FOOT & MOUTH STRAIN LINKED TO BOGANS DOING SHOEYS
“HI MUM” SCAM SWINDLES MORE CASH FROM PARENTS THAN THEIR KIDS DO
DIRECTOR’S CUT OF AUSSIE DRAMA APPLAUDED FOR BEING SHORTER THAN THE ORIGINAL