The final Ferguson Report of 2022 predicts the fake news headlines of 2023 …
GOVERNMENT FINALLY ADMITS RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE GOVERNMENT
The Albanese government has reluctantly admitted that everything is now their fault.
A Labor doctor of spin spun, “But the fact that everything is now our fault is the last government’s fault. If Scott Morrison had won the election, we wouldn’t be in this mess.”
The honeymoon is over for Labor. So they’ve shifted straight into divorce proceedings.
Meanwhile, the Greens, Teals and independents are in the sweet spot. “Everything is our idea but nothing is our fault.”
Labor would love to pass the buck. But they don’t have any.
NEIGHBOURS MOVE BACK IN
The TV serial drama Neighbours will return, after visiting its Aunty Kylie in Townsville.
A TV executive responsible for sending Neighbours to an undisclosed location has had the brilliant idea of bringing it back to an undisclosed network.
The Free-To-Wear TV Executives Guild said, “This is the best new/old idea we’ve had since we brought back Mother And Son, Family Feud and Mcleod’s Daughters’ Daughters’ Daughters.”
SKY AFTER WHAT-THE-DARK
Sky News has been proven right about everything.
They’ve updated Dorothea Mackellar’s poem to ‘I Love A Sunburnt Country Underwater’.
A spokeswoman said, “We can look forward to annual once-in-a-century droughts, and flooding rains once-in-a-lifetime after time.”
USA SAYS OUR SUBMARINES WILL BE HERE ANY SECOND. HONEST.
The United States promises Australia will get nuclear submarines as soon as it’s too late.
A US admirable Admiral said, “The Aussies will pay for them, of course. But we won’t explain how to enrich their uranium fuel or fix the flyscreens. This is what we call ‘Mutually Assured Obstruction’.”
A defence spokeswoman denied Australia is starting a cold war. “We are fighting an unwaged war against an unidentified enemy. You never know where they might not be hiding.”
SCOTT MORRISON STAYING IN PARLIAMENT UNTIL EVERYONE FORGETS
Australia’s most employed man still has a job at the taxpayers’ expense.
“Scott became prime minister because it was God’s will,” said Scott. “Inexplicably, at the last election, God backed the non-practising Catholic. Even the Almighty finds that mysterious.”
As for Morrison’s future, he could start a new ministry. He’s very good at that.
In other news…
- AUSSIES LOSING MENTAL HEALTH HELP THRILLED RICH STILL GETTING TAX CUTS
- PUTIN DENIES INVOLVEMENT IN ACCIDENTAL DEATH OF WAR-CRITIC NEXT THURSDAY
- HOMELESS EXCITED ABOUT SLEEPING UNDER $10m OF NYE FIREWORKS
- SHOPS ALREADY SELLING HOT CROSS BUNS SLAMMED BY JESUS
- GAY, JEWISH REPUBLICAN WHO LIED ON RESUMÉ ACTUALLY BI, NAZI REPUBLICAN
- HOLIDAYING SHARKS REPORT MASSIVE INCREASE IN DRONE SIGHTINGS