Name: Gendry.
From: Game of Thrones.
Last seen: Rowing out to sea.
Woah woah woah, will this be full of Game of Thrones spoilers? If your definition of a spoiler is a description of something that happened on television more than four years ago, then yes. Also, you’re an idiot.
But I’m saving it up. Well, tough. Game of Thrones fans will remember that Gendry, the bastard son of dead king Robert Baratheon, was last seen escaping Dragonstone for King’s Landing on a rowing boat after being seduced by Melisandre the Red Woman, all the way back in 2013.
And he’s dead, right? He said that he couldn’t swim or row, so the implication was that he wouldn’t make it. I thought you said you hadn’t watched it.
I was lying. Fine. Nobody mentioned Gendry’s death, so his fate has been left up in the air. He has been the Westeros equivalent of Huell from Breaking Bad, left for ever sitting in that safe house without resolution.
Hey! I was saving Breaking Bad up! I hate you. The point is that Gendry’s loose end has become a meme. Some say he’s starring in a Life of Pi remake now. Another goes: “Row, row, row your boat / Gendry down the stream / Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily / Ever since season three.”
Fun. But all this speculation was in vain, because Gendry is apparently going to make an appearance in the new season of Game of Thrones.
We say “series” in this country. All right, Farage. Joe Dempsie, the actor who plays Gendry, almost definitely confirmed his return at the Game of Thrones premiere on Wednesday. And it’s rumoured that his appearance will be significant.
Significant how? You don’t want to find out here.
What about a compromise? Why is Gendry important? It’s because of his bloodline. Cersei Lannister maintained a sexual relationship with her brother after marrying Gendry’s father, so the children who took Robert’s place after he died aren’t Baratheons.
Right. But Gendry is a Baratheon by blood. If his lineage can be legitimised, Gendry has a genuine claim to the Iron Throne.
Wow, this is more complicated than EastEnders. No EastEnders spoilers! I’m saving it up!
Do say: “All hail the true king.”
Don’t say: “Game of Thrones is no Holby City, though.”
