OH BHOYS!
Defeat at the hands of Kilmarnock coupled with the Pope’s Newc O’Rangers’ 5-1 win over St Johnstone means the Queen’s Celtic have now endured their worst start to a season for 20 years. Already out of Big Cup and pondering the accompanying financial vicissitudes, the Scottish champions have dropped eight points out of 18 available this season and the crisis klaxon is sounding loudly. Highly regarded, certainly by himself, for the statesmanlike qualities he has exuded while leading the club to a domestic double treble in the past two years, Rodgers was presented with an opportunity to allay fears of the faithful when asked, post-match, if fans should be concerned. And the Churchillian response from the man who once cited himself as his own biggest influence? An uncharacteristically meek and rabble-unrousing: “Yes, they should.”
Whisper it, but there are some fitba conspiracy theorists north of the border – a handful of whom can be found supporting either the Queen’s Celtic or O’Rangers – who are of the opinion that Brendan is not actually all that bothered by his side’s poor form and is currently trying to engineer his exit from the club. His relationship with the chairman is believed to be fraught due to a lack of summer investment, while he has incensed many fans by inexplicably welcoming Dedryck Boyata back into the fold despite the centre-half’s recent refusal to play in a crucial and ill-fated Big Cup qualifier. Short of donning a bowler hat and marching through Glasgow city centre banging a Lambeg drum while singing The Sash My Father Wore, the Belgian could scarcely have committed a worse betrayal.
Those who would prefer to see the Belgian horsewhipped around the training ground before being shipped out on loan to Cowdenbeath are also displeased by the increasingly healthy signs of life being displayed by hated rivals they have for some years described as a “zombie club”. Under the stewardship of Brendan’s old chum $tevie Mbe, O’Rangers have streaked one point clear of the Queen’s Celtic and despite their comparative churchmouse status in the finance stakes, are showing every sign of being on the up. The Queen’s Celtic, in stark contrast, are so mired in crisis that they’re being linked with Gabby Agbonlahor in a bid to turn their season around.
Currently without a club, due in no small part to an attitude that could be considered questionable, to say the least, the former Aston Villa striker recently issued the mother of all come-and-get-me pleas. “I think every player, if they had the chance to play for [the Queen’s] Celtic, would take it,” said the man who often seemed ambivalent about playing for the club that employed him for 16 years. “Can you imagine playing in front of 60,000 people inside this place.” Having been good for one goal and far more diva strops per season in his final three Villa campaigns, the 31-year-old striker could help provide the firepower lacking since Moussa Dembélé’s sale on deadline day. Whether or not the Queen’s Celtic take up his offer remains to be seen, but it seems abundantly clear to The Fiver that if Agbonlahor is seen as the solution, the club’s problems must be way more serious than we first thought.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“What we lacked in the past – I would say the ‘Arsenal way’ was more important than getting the points sometimes and this is not how you win the league” – Petr Cech plays his way out from the back with some choice words about Arsène Wenger’s management.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Having watched Brentford go from muddy midfield-less scrappers in the 80s to the attacking wonderstuff of today, just in time for my eight-year-old to be excited by them and not become an Arsenal/Chelsea/NFL (delete where applicable) follower, I was wondering if you could mention the old Bees in some manner. We’ve been quite good for a few seasons now, kudos to Dean Smith who can clearly manage a team. Go on do it. Ideally quite soon before Neal Maupay is sold. Also, if you can create some sort of mockers that will guarantee we don’t ‘go up’ this year it’d be appreciated” – Carl Richardson.
“Fulham were denied a great opportunity against Watford because of the way the advantage rule is applied in football. In rugby union, the ref has discretion to play advantage for as long as it takes for an advantage to occur and to pull play back for the original foul if none does. I’m sure the bright sparks at Fifa/Uefa are looking at this sensible approach and considering changing the rules. It’s not as if they’re the only sports administrators in the world unable to make the most of new ways of doing things, like video technology. Oh” – Adam Uncamus.
“Friday’s Fiver mentioned wishing to emulate Graham Stack, whose final game was almost as eventful as his first. This season Stack has had a regular column in the Non-League Paper, featuring the insight and anecdotes only a grizzled veteran of the game can provide, to the enjoyment of his readers. Perhaps he’s more of a potential role model for The Fiver than a lot of people realise” – Ed Taylor.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Carl Richardson.
BITS AND BOBS
A women’s Ballon d’Or will be awarded for the first time this year. “I’ve always wanted to see a woman win this prestigious award,” cheered Brazil’s Marta.
Paul Pogba wants Manchester United to step things up. “When we are at home we should attack, attack, attack,” he chanted. “We are here to attack. I think teams are scared when they see United attacking and attacking.”
Everton boss Marco Silva is feeling a tad funky at the officiating during Arsenal’s 2-0 win, chiefly with Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang’s goal. “He’s clearly offside,” tooted Silva. “For me, it’s a little bit strange.”
Jack Grealish has signed a five-year Aston Villa deal that means they can cash in on him come January.
And fans held up Young Boys’ 7-1 romp over Basel/Basle/Baarrrrlll/Barzuhl by lobbing tennis balls and games controllers on the pitch in protest at eSports. Here’s a visual representation.
STILL WANT MORE?
Sid Lowe on the battle for Spanish football’s soul.
The state of Roma, laments Paolo Bandini.
Premier League. Talking points. 10 of them.
And also come get Rachel Brown-Finnis’s Women’s Super League review.
Here come Hertha Berlin. About time, declares Andy Brassell.
Barney Ronay on pass addict Jorginho.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
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