Well I have not cooked much Nigella, so when Dave went what do you think babes, I was like no offence to her ham in coca cola but are we not rocking more Ottolenghi these days, plus there is always too much cream, unless you literally want to live in Vivienne Westwood? Dave was like, so does that mean I would have gone to Nigella's aid in her hour of need or is her food just too unhealthy, btw would you take a picture of me focusing on the issue?
So I'm like, click, why, & Dave's like, because Cleggsy said he was not sure :( so Miliband said he definitely would #massivelolz so people are going to ask & Crosby's exact words are, Dave, read Lynton's lips, forget effing Syria, people need to know would you intervene if you saw art boy getting physical on his missus & the only right answer is no brainer mate, I'm like any normal bloke – I would basically have stabbed him to death with a fork and escorted said beauteous lady to a place of safety by the time Miliband had got his bib undone?
I'm like, OK, but that would be admitting you were staring & how often do we tell Nancy not to do that, plus NB Tracey Emin is our friend? Dave's like right babes, have you seen my bronzer, would you take a picture of me sitting this one out, plus I will need a pen and paper, today the photographer is styling me "at work"?
So I go back to revising Govey's history curriculum *shoots self for agreeing*, as in, who knew the Conservatives built Stonehenge, but if Govey says so it must be true? And Dave says to keep where the Maid of Orleans has this vision of the aspiration nation. And if Govey literally is the direct descendant of King Arthur, because apparently this note signed "Merlin" was found alongside the babe whose mysterious discovery by an Aberdeen fishmonger concludes our island story, I can totally see why he blames teachers for hushing it up? But tbh I think Mr Schama is right & history would be way more fun & relevant if it ended with Dave instead? Given we have this incredible photographic record, not even counting the selfies?
