Jokes about The Celebrity Traitors, Oasis and Sabrina Carpenter feature in a list of this year’s top 10 Christmas cracker gags.
TV channels U and Gold have been running a competition for 13 years, asking viewers to send in their best jokes, with ones about Reform UK leader Nigel Farage, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor and singer Lily Allen also included.
The top joke was: “Why is (former) prince Andrew not writing any Christmas books? He hasn’t got any titles.”
The jokes were shortlisted by a panel of experts before going to a public vote of 2,000 British adults, with the author of the winning joke, Ben Smith, from Chelmsford, Essex, receiving a top prize of £1,500 towards a holiday, a festive hamper and a box of bespoke U and Gold Christmas crackers.
Gerald Casey, director of programmes, comedy and entertainment at UKTV, said: “Congratulations to our 2025 winners. Another fantastic year of hilarious entries, showing that the British public are as funny as ever when it comes to the news.
“We hope to spread even more Christmas cheer with our festive U and Gold Christmas programming, including much-loved classic episodes from the likes of The Vicar Of Dibley, The Fast Show and Only Fools And Horses.”
In the crackers given to the winners are the top six jokes in the competition.
– U and Gold’s top 10 Christmas cracker jokes
1. “Why is (former) prince Andrew not writing any Christmas books? He hasn’t got any titles.”
2. “Why don’t Noel and Liam (Gallagher) want to open their presents early on Christmas morning? They need a little time to wake up.”
3. “Which pop star carves her own wooden nativity scene? Sabrina Carpenter.”
4. “What do Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor and a snowman have in common? They’re both out in the cold.”
5. “What is a French burglar’s favourite Christmas film? Louvre, Actually.”
6. “Could Lily Allen and David Harbour get back together for Christmas? Stranger Things have happened.”
7. “Why won’t Angela Rayner get any Christmas presents this year? Santa can’t decide which address to deliver to.”
8. “What is Claudia Winkleman’s favourite part of Christmas dinner? The taters.”
9. “Does Celia Imrie beat her family at Christmas party games? Yes, she trumps them all.”
10. “Where has Santa been more than Nigel Farage? His house in Clacton.”
