Meth is so common and Boujis gives coke a bad name. So big up to the LA starlets for bringing a new drug into out midst: come on down, OxyContin!
For anyone who hasn't been hanging out at Nicole Richie's bbq for anorexics, as discussed previously, oxycontin is just simply fabulous if you suffer from Dr Houseian debilitating pain, or if you've finally woken up to the fact that your life is a meaningless collection of mobile phone launch parties and that you are surrounded by people who claim that they are the only ones you can trust yet are determinedly turning blind eyes to your palpable unhappiness because to do otherwise would threaten their livelihoods, which are entirely dependent on your tabloid presence, for good or ill, and need to knock themselves out for at least 16 hours a day or risk becoming a walking paeon to Munch's The Scream.
So how extraordinary that the LA ladies - Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Mischa Barton, a modern day Rat Pack, if ever there was - have, if tabloid rumours are to be believed (and mock ye not: Men in Black spoke the truth on this front, mark my words) become so fascinated by this little white pill. Some of us have long wondered whether Paris suffered from Lazy Eye Syndrome, thereby explaining her extraordinary ability to keep those lids at half-mast at all hours so easily. Naturally, we dismissed the thinly veiled accusation in Richie's wholly self-penned and insurpassable The Truth About Diamonds that this was all due to ketamine - I mean, come on, ketamine is sooooo 2002.
Now it turns out it's all thanks to OxyContin, otherwise known as hillbilly heroin, which is up there with Croyden facelift in terms of LiS' favourite geographically based terms. Lindsay was photographed passed out in her car, grey hoodie gently cocked; Britney continues her stream of consciousness blogging; Nicole's back on the bones and sending out party invites suggesting everyone take off their pants; Paris is in a place where one suspects she will be able to find quite a lot of hillbilly heroin and Mischa - ahh, Mischa. For some time she has escaped unscathed from the scythes of rumours, simply because, well, she's quite pretty and that must mean she's morally superior and pharmaceutically clean, right? But then she collapsed at a party this weekend and even her publicist couldn't think of a better excuse other than to say that she was "fine." This was later expanded to " a bad reaction to mixing alcohol with prescription drugs she was taking for bronchitis she contacted in Cannes." Would this have been from the 'glamour actress' Barton was pictured hanging out with in that beacon of glamour of the French world? Weird that they all seem to have imploded over the same weekend, though, don't you think? Well, it was always going to be hard for them to keep up with one another, with the big finishing line of Paris' incarceration in sight. Out with a bang, or a slump - like, whatever. Girls, we salute you - well done on finding an opiate that lasts for eight hours and leaves no track marks. So much classier than the old between-the-toes trick of yore.
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