THAT’S NATIONSWANG!
Fiver readers of a certain age and nationality will remember Turnabout, a daytime BBC TV quiz show that was as ludicrously complicated as it was utterly compelling. Despite nobody involved, least of all its host – erstwhile Football Weekly stand-in Rob Curling – appearing to have any idea what on earth was going on in its Sphere, Palindrome, Star or About Turn games, the show ran for 239 episodes across eight series and all involved seemed to have a very nice time. More recently, in their own attempt to put an end to the kind of meaningless friendlies that have long been the scourge of international football, Uefa introduced its own similarly complicated competition and called it the Nations League. Since its inception last year, England have played four games and advanced to this week’s finals and now stand on the brink of winning their first trophy since 1966 without, one suspects, many of their fans and possibly even players having even the foggiest idea why or how.
Not that any of that matters as we approach the business end of the competition, as things couldn’t really be simpler. It’s semi-final time with Switzerland taking on Portugal in Porto on Wednesday, before England face the Netherlands in Guimaraes on Thursday, before Sunday’s final and third-place play-off. Flying off to Portugal, having welcomed the England internationals who contested last weekend’s Big Cup final back into the group, Gareth Southgate will address the press there later on, which means that by the time people read this he’ll have already answered questions such as “Any knocks?”, “Will Harry Kane start?” and “Were he, Dele and Eric upset when Jordan, Trent and Joe wore their winner’s medals down to breakfast?”
Worryingly, in their absence, Marcus Rashford has been holding the fort and said there is unlikely to be any sour grapes between the two sets of players. “It doesn’t matter whether you play for Tottenham or Liverpool or whoever,” said the striker who clearly wasn’t involved in Madrid. “While we’re here that doesn’t matter at all. We’ll battle for each other. That’s what’s special about this group, because that transition to international football seems to be very smooth. [Gareth Southgate] always says to us: ‘When you’re in camp we want you to enjoy yourself.’ He wants it as close as it can be to how it is at a club.” Unless that club happens to be the one Rashford plays for, one hopes, where at least half the first-team squad are surplus to requirements. “Basically it’s like your club, where you’d fight for the person next to you,” Rashford added, without laughing. “It’s the exact same thing here.” With that in mind, England fans are advised that Sunday’s third-place play-off kicks off in Guimaraes at 2pm BST.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Barry Glendenning from 7.45pm BST for hot MBM coverage of Portugal 2-1 Switzerland.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“[He] was our biggest international football leader of all time, no Swede has had a similar influence on football in the world. He was deeply respected as Uefa president and vice-president of Fifa, his leadership has aroused admiration worldwide” – the Swedish FA’s Karl-Erik Nilsson pays tribute to Lennart Johansson, who has died aged 89.
FIVER LETTERS
“Not to worry. USA! USA!! USA!!! reader Chris Fuller’s ‘argument’ regarding your perceived tea-timely politic bias (yesterday’s Fiver letters) lost all credibility before he’d even started. Anyone who opens by describing The Fiver as ‘often humorous’ is clearly talking nonsense” – Steve Bennett (and 1,056 others).
“As a California-born, USA! USA!! USA!!! citizen who has long been a fan of The Fiver and its typically clever letter writers, I have to express scorn and take umbrage at Chris’s clumsy and buffoonish attempt to defend his vote for our disgrace of a president. Yes Chris, it’s your right to vote. It’s also your obligation to take criticism for enabling a corrupt and predatory charlatan to ascend to the most powerful position in the world. And frankly, Fiver, I’d respectfully request you not publish idiotic letters from my compatriots. I read The Fiver for a daily dose of the beautiful game and the culture of its supporters across the pond. I get enough of dumb Americans every day” – Todd Condor (and others).
“Thanks to Chris for providing a rare bit of humour in The Fiver” – Kim Lightbody.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Kim Lightbody.
BITS AND BOBS
Tottenham’s Christian Eriksen would like to be Real Madrid’s Christian Eriksen. “I feel that I am at a stage of my career where I would like to try something new,” he blabbed. “Real Madrid is a step up but then it would take Real Madrid picking up the phone and making contact with Tottenham,” he come-and-get-me-plead.
Merseyside-based dance duo Daniel Sturridge and Alberto Moreno are yours to hire for free after being released by Liverpool.
Raheem Sterling is set to captain England against the Netherlands.
Juventus have asked Manchester United if they would rather have loads more cash for the Glazers to take out of the club instead of Paul Pogba in their midfield.
Meanwhile, Diego Maradona has offered to be the strong and stable leader Old Trafford needs. “If Manchester [United] need a coach, I’m the man to do it,” he tooted. “I know they sell lots of shirts around the world, but they need to win trophies, too. I can do that for them.”
Maurizio Sarri has amazing hearing and can hear Italy calling him home. “I feel that something is missing,” he sniffed. “It has been a heavy year. I begin to feel the weight of distant friends and elderly parents I rarely see.”
Ryan Lowe has jumped ship from financially-knacked Bury to drop a division and become Plymouth Argyle manager.
After test-driving Bayern Munich for two years, 2014’s James/Hames/Hamez Rodríguez has said “No, gracias” to a permanent deal and ambled back to Real Madrid.
And isn’t Fifa brilliant? “[It] has gone from being toxic, almost criminal, to what it should be, an organisation that develops and cares about football,” backslapped president Gianni Infantino after trumpeting news that its cash reserves had tripled to more than £2bn. “We’re not spending it on dodgy deals, we’re investing it.”
STILL WANT MORE?
Come and get your Women’s World Cup team guides! Today, No 19: New Zealand, and No 20: Netherlands.
It’s the Bandinis 2019! Devour this exhaustive review of the Serie A season instead of that leftover panettone, it’ll be much better for your health.
Ben Fisher gets his chat on with Jamie Day, the optimistic Englishman who wants to make football bigger then cricket in Bangladesh.
Transfer interactive! Transfer interactive! Transfer interactive!
“What’s going on in America now is shocking” – Portland Timbers’ Jeremy Ebobisse talks to Stephen Wood.
And Brighton coach Simon Rusk tells Gavin Willacy how he encourages youngsters to prepare for a career away from football because not making it is the cold, hard reality for many Premier League youth players.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
