Well Block me sideways and Block the Blockie: Nine’s The Block has finished, in case you hadn’t Blocked it. And cor blimey, if watching buildings get sold for money is your kind of thing, this was definitely a good example of that thing happening.
Lining up in literally their tens of tens, eager fans waited to look inside the apartments with all the hysteric fervour usually reserved for Elon Musk farting out a Star Wars trailer. I couldn’t get quite as enthused. The apartments looked stunning, in a clinical, Dexter’s murder room kind of way, but why would I want to see that while sitting in my own coffee-ringed and toast-crumbed decor (paint tone: Memories of Breakfast)? I don’t hole up in a hotel room watching TV shows about more attractive people than me enjoying better holidays. They might as well rename The Block “What the F**k Have You Done With Your Life Recently?”
If you weren’t excited enough by the fan-zombies and their undead hunger for posh light fixtures, then the auction finale ramped things up still further with the usual reality TV manipulation of tense music, well-placed cliffhanger ad breaks, and crash zooms on people’s shocked faces. Facing this dizzying montage of cartoonish faces loudly repeating increasingly large numbers felt like I’d caught the count from Sesame Street in the middle of a nervous breakdown.
Unlike last year, when the contestants walked with enough money to rent a Happy Meal house between them, this year’s contestants broke records, with winners Dea and Darren earning $935,000 (including prize money), enough to put down a deposit on a Melbourne avocado. I’m sure they’re happy, though given the stalagmite-forming length of the series, D&D might have made more interest by depositing a dollar back when the show started just before the birth of Christ.
The Block finale once again took the ratings top spot, proving there’s still an audience for the reno show. When will they (please!) have had enough? Not only do we have Seven’s House Rules to look forward to on Tuesday, but also Nine’s Reno Rumble, which is just people from The Block and House Rules on the same show!
For shows about renovation, it doesn’t seem very ... renovatory; as much a new TV format as Frankenstein’s monster cobbled together out of other people’s rotting dead bits is a newborn baby. I only hope this cross-network contamination doesn’t spread, otherwise how long until we’re confronted with MasterBlock, the show where contestants have to cook an entire house?
Logies lurgy
The Block also scooped at the Logies, the Australian awards ceremony proudly sponsored by Why Everyone Torrents. This year’s do was an overlong labour push unconvincingly disguised as a celebration, like someone with constipation holding a sparkler. The chemistry on stage was as inert as a brick in a fridge with the funniest, warmest on-stage moment coming from Julia Morris going completely off-script after accidentally announcing the winner for outstanding entertainment program without even mentioning the nominees.
Bizarrely, The Voice – very much a reality TV show, in my opinion – ended up winning a category that also featured Mad As Hell (surely a comedy?) and The Checkout, proving the Logies aren’t really a considered appreciation of Australian television as much as a pat on the back for tired reality guff. What’s that you say, commenters? Like this column? Well, someone’s got to google the box.
Carrie Bickmore was touching, genuine, and a deserving winner, as was Miranda Tapsell, and I’m sure you can read all about their speeches somewhere online among all the copy and paste articles about plunging necklines.
