Somehow, it’s already that time of year again. As another NFL Super Bowl approaches this Sunday, and millions gear up to enjoy the cultural splendour of big-budget commercials and a half-time musical performance, we brace ourselves for a high-profile performance of the Star Spangled Banner. Or, if you’re Christina Aguilera and making up lyrics about the “twilight’s last reaming” (more on that below), the Star Mangled Banner, amirite?
Anyway, we’re looking back at the best and worst public renditions of the US national anthem, so that we all know where the bar’s been set for Idina Menzel – of shrill Frozen/Let it Go fame – before her performance at Super Bowl XLIX. Just know this: if it wasn’t impossible to find online, Macy Gray’s 2001 decimation of the song would be comfortably on our list of worsts. And Cher’s confident 1999 Super Bowl delivery deserves an honourable mention, for just missing out on this very scientifically devised top five. Hut-hut.
The five best
Donna Summer at the Major League Baseball all-star game, 1999
The disco legend started off wobblier than the elastic waistband on an old jockstrap, but recovered in pretty spectacular form. Her issues with pitch prove she didn’t lip-sync her performance, and when she starts belting out those patriotic verses in her rich alto vibrato it’s hard not to get swept up in the jet-fighter-launching bombast of it all. Also, why is it so satisfying to watch someone sing the Star Spangled Banner with such dead-eyed concentration?
Jimi Hendrix at Woodstock festival, 1969
Like it or not, Hendrix’s electric guitar solo version is legendary. He slipped it into a 30-odd-minute medley, veering from flicking through the standard melody to adding in his own distorted guitar flourishes. Having been bedevilled by bad weather and technical issues, the festival had overrun, and Hendrix ended up playing on the Monday morning. What the spaced-out audience made of it after an entire weekend of mud, music and brown acid, one can only imagine.
Beyoncé at Super Bowl XXXVIII, 2004
Though she looked like a politician’s wife on the campaign trail, Beyoncé sang the hell out of the national anthem here. Look at those facial expressions – it’s as though singing about the ramparts and rockets hurts because she loves America so much.
Roseanne Barr at a Major League Baseball game, 1990
People often cite Barr’s screeching and out-of-tune interpretation as some sort of abomination, but honestly, it is glorious. The skyward-raised eyes; the midway giggle; the crotch-grab and, of course, her choice to spit on the ground in the style of a baseball player. Only a mic drop could have made this better.
Whitney Houston at Super Bowl XXV, 1991
First of all, to shatter the illusions of Whitney fans everywhere, this was a prerecorded rendition. But that doesn’t it mean wasn’t incredible. You don’t have to be a fervent American nationalist to want to sob hysterically when Houston turns a line on “bombs bursting in air” into a beautifully belted dynamic crescendo – but I’m sure it helps.
The five worst
Scott Stapp at the Nascar Ford 400 race, 2005
If you missed out on the whole Creed thing, they were basically a watered-down version of Pearl Jam fronted by a God-fearing enemy of clear diction. Stapp tried his best to chuck in a few improvised vocal melismas over this growled and breathless take, but somehow just ended up sounding defeated. Man, if you hate America that much you should have just said no the booking.
Christina Aguilera at Super Bowl XLV, 2011
Aguilera certainly wasn’t the first singer to mess up the lyrics – and, in fairness, she just kept going after half-repeating one line and omitting others – but that isn’t the only reason this version blows. One of the easiest and most effective ways to destroy the Star Spangled Banner is to weigh it down with vocal trills and extended wailing notes. Aguilera’s got that routine down, barely sticking to the melody for more than a note and basically screaming her way through the song’s big moments. Nah.
Alexis Normand at the Memorial Cup, 2013
Wow. This is the stuff of every singer’s sweaty-palmed, “What if I just forget all the words?” nightmares. Those pregnant pauses – as though the Canadian jazz singer was fumbling through her memory to dredge up any random words in English – are truly stomach-lurching. Top points for her inventive, mumbled lyrics in any case.
R Kelly at the Jermain Taylor v Bernard Hopkins undisputed middleweight championship fight, 2005
People sometimes feel compelled to rearrange the song. Just a quick word of advice: don’t. Unless you were on team Whitney, and responsible for shifting the national anthem from a 3/4 to 4/4 time signature for added drama, there is no space for the ridiculous percussive flourishes and jazzy vocal rhythms that R Kelly deployed in 2005. This sounds like music to soundtrack a daytime cooking show set on the balcony of a tropical island holiday home, not the rousing launch of a match in which two men punch each other repeatedly until one of them can no longer stand.
Victoria Zarlenga at Scotland v USA soccer friendly, 2012
I like that this YouTube video is just called “bad national anthem”: a tenderly worded understatement. Zarlenga clearly has a powerful singing voice, but unfortunately she seemed to lose control over it for most of this performance. She warbled through all the correct lyrics but with each quiver of her voice, sliding off-key and closer to YouTube comment infamy, cemented her place among the most heinous versions of the Star Spangled Banner.
