Jim Broadbent as Lord Longford in the triple-nominated Longford. Photograph: Channel 4
Ooh, I love the Bafta nominee list being published. When else can you settle down for a really satisfying moan about how useless and out of touch the Bafta judges are, how they celebrate mundaneness and commercialism, leave out the best and how it's all a sorry reflection of how crap British TV is?
First mystery: why is Longford, the Channel 4 drama about Lord Longford and Myra Hindley, up for so many gongs? Jim Broadbent, who played the eponymous old duffer, and Samantha Morton, who sleepwalked through Hindley's role, are both nominated for best actor/actress; and it's also nominated for Best Single Drama. But it was rubbish. Long, boring, worthy - I think this one is more about the media world showing the proles how right-on and forgiving we are. If it wins, expect several pages of outrage in the Daily Mail.
In fact the Mail is going to have a field day: See No Evil, an ITV dramatisation of the events leading up to the killings, is also nominated, this time as a drama serial.
Second mystery: why isn't Queen Helen Mirren in line for the Best Actress crown? She was fab in her last outing as Jane Tennison in the final Prime Suspect, which only gets one nomination - for Best Continuing Drama. Does the academy think we're sick of her? I'll never be sick of Helen Mirren.
And God knows why Casualty has sneaked into the lists as a nominee for Best Continuing Drama ("Continuing Drama" is the euphemism for soap). Is it because of its dogged pursuit of laughably bad storylines and its rather amusing fantasy that medical staff in A&E departments have time to sort out your family issues, plump up your pillows and dispense wise advice along with the plaster casts and paracetamol?
This year's awards are about impersonations - impersonations of Longford, Brady, Hindley, Elizabeth I (The Virgin Queen), Kenneth Williams (Fantabulosa!) and Julie Andrews (How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?), which says a lot about the dearth of originality in British TV.
However, there is some sparkling originality celebrated: John Simm and Life on Mars are present and correct on the list; so too is Sugar Rush, Shameless and the superb, poignant documentary 9/11: The Falling Man.
I fail to see why they bother with a sport category: the same old set-piece events circulate the award between them. This year the producers of the Boat Race, the Hungarian Grand Prix, Five's cricket team and the Beeb's Winter Olympics team are scrapping for the statuette; while News Coverage is the same. The only reason to keep an eye on that category is to see if Peter Horrocks will be mollified after throwing a hissy fit when his team didn't win any RTS awards in February.
So what do you think? Rubbish? A joyful celebration of the best of British television - and if you think that, do please tell me why the pitiful Ross Kemp on Gangs is nominated alongside the stunning Secret Life of a Manic Depressive and Who Do You Think You Are? in the Factual Series category, because I can't for the life of me see how it can even be in the same room as those two outstanding pieces of work.
Who's missing? Who shouldn't be there? Over to you.
