#Putoutyourroses, Australia; the Bachelor chose the wrong girl.
That seems to be the consensus anyhow, as the Bachelor Australia’s Richie Strahan shocked reality TV-loving couch potatoes on Thursday night by choosing Alex Nation from Melbourne instead of fan favourite Nikki Gogan from Perth.
The takes flew thick and fast.
Richie was “Australia’s most hated man” this morning, according to News.com.au.
Buzzfeed was more understated; it was merely the “worst decision since Brexit”.
As for the Daily Mail, well, Guardian Australia counted no fewer than 50 Bachelor Australia-related articles on their site from the past 24 hours alone.
HERE’S A POEM M8
— dan debuf (@dandebuf) September 15, 2016
ROSES ARE RED
YOU CHOSE THE WRONG GIRL
LOVE IS DEAD
I HATE THE WORLD#TheBachelorAU
Even former Bachelorette Sam Frost, who Richie failed to woo successfully in last year’s Bachelorette, was shocked.
NOOOOOOOOOO 😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔 #TheBachelorAU
— Sam Frost (@Sam_Frost) September 15, 2016
At the time of writing, Sportsbet has the shortest odds on Richie and Alex breaking up within a month, proving that not only is love dead, but so is privacy, dignity and anything else sacred you care to name.
So why is everybody talking about it today?
Mostly it’s because Nikki, to borrow parlance from the excellent satirical series UnREAL, was so obviously “wifey” material – so obviously the favourite from the very first date on the very first episode – that the whole season had been, as one friend remarked over mojitos a couple of weeks ago, “total snoredom”.
There’s a fine line between careful misdirection, and actually boring the pants off the entire audience for 16 episodes before brutally slugging them in the face.
This is actually more of a robbery than 2003 Australian idol #TheBachelorAU #TeamNikki
— Guy Sebastian (@GuySebastian) September 15, 2016
There’s no denying that the season finale was a surprise. Not just because this season was so entirely one-sided. Not even because Richie decided to “follow his heart” and ditch the favourite; this is, after all, a show built entirely on the idea that “following your heart” can be an excuse for anything, including attempting to find lasting romance through a series of humiliating escapades on national television.
It was a surprise because, after 14 years of the exact same show pulling the exact same moves like a bad Mills and Boon novel, we’re still letting ourselves getting well and truly sucked in.
