To join the army was a childhood ambition of mine, so in 1986, at the age of 19, I was delighted to join the Royal Military Police.
I knew I was gay but struggled to accept my sexuality and wasn’t out to my family or at work. I was also aware that there was a ban on gay people in the forces so joined with the intention of not disclosing my sexuality and managed this, until my dismissal three years later.
After completing training at Chichester, I was posted to the London district where ceremonial duties were the core function. Highlights included being part of the security detail on Margaret Thatcher’s prime ministerial tour of Australia and routinely seeing myself on the nightly news opening car doors for Princess Diana or other members of the royal family.
By 1989, I was a corporal and was on secondment to the drugs intelligence team, a covert policing unit that identified service personnel who were misusing controlled drugs.
At some point that year, a sealed letter I had written somehow came into the hands of the special investigation branch. They opened it and, from the contents, suspected me to be gay. My living quarters were searched, I was outed to my family and friends, and ultimately sacked for “indecency”. In one massive, and probably illegal, invasion of privacy I lost my job and my home.
I had a pretty miserable time thereafter – I was floundering when I left the army, but I knew I wanted to be in the police. Despite it all, I loved being in the Royal Military Police and enjoyed the camaraderie, discipline and humour. I was drawn to public service and new that it was something that I was good at.
I eventually applied to work for the British Transport Police (BTP). My confidence had taken a huge battering and so I anticipated my application being unsuccessful. But in August 1990, I was appointed as a constable for the BTP.
Scarred from my recent experience, I elected not to disclose that I was gay and effectively led a double life in and out of work. But being gay soon became the worst kept secret and when I did come out – years later – my colleagues didn’t bat an eyelid. It made me wonder why I had made such an issue of it; things had changed, I was more comfortable with who I was and I no longer felt threatened. It was liberating.
Still, my confidence was really low. I’d been very ambitious in the army but at BTP I didn’t look at any form of career advancement for my first decade with the team. I was given a superintendent coach who helped me work through the issues and gave me the confidence to go for a promotion. I haven’t looked back.
I joined a group called Rank Outsiders, who were campaigning for the gay ban in the forces to be lifted. I became part of a class action that went all the way to the European court of human rights and won.
Since then I’ve tried to support LGBTI in any way that I could. When I first joined I could never imagine going on a Pride march – now I love taking part in them and actively encourage others to as well.
I try to be a role model for other LGBTI officers and staff and give them the confidence to be who they are without fear of judgment or discrimination. Equally I think it’s important that the public see that we reflect the community we serve and that they can trust us to do the right thing.
Yes, in my 27 years with BTP there have been challenges. I was the subject of a couple of anonymous internal reports to our professional standards, which I perceived to be homophobic. But I got great support from Link (our LGBT network) and it was taken seriously enough to be recorded as a homophobic incident.
I really believe in people power and over the past 30 years I’ve witnessed and benefited from those willing to question and challenge the ‘norm’. I never thought I would be able to marry, let alone have a child, but now I have both and my wee four-year-old girl is my proudest achievement ever.
Pride is an reminder and celebration of how far we have come and how important it is to keep going. There are no grudges to HM Forces, it was just the way it was back then. I applaud the progress that they and others have made over the past few years.
Sue Maxwell is a chief inspector for British Transport Police, East and North command in Scotland.
This series aims to give a voice to the staff behind the public services that are hit by mounting cuts and rising demand, and so often denigrated by the press, politicians and public. If you would like to write an article for the series, contact kirstie.brewer@theguardian.com
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