The Apprentice: inside the contestants' penthouse

Quite apart from choosing a name and a team leader, the big debate on the first episode of this year's Apprentice is likely to be: who gets the white brainstorming room, and who gets the black one? This is the black one. Good job someone put a chair in front of that door. It looks like it opens into thin air Photograph: BBC

After the black brainstorming area, meet... the white brainstorming area! No word on whether that work of art has been pixellated for copyright reasons, or if it really is that rubbish. A joke, of course. The big question - will there white and black ironing boards as well Photograph: BBC

Great balcony, lovely view, we'll take it! This year's Apprentice accommodation looks like an ideal place for a house party. It is fair to assume, however, that Sir Alan likes house parties as much as he likes bullshitters and timewasters. 'You finished the party with less booze than you started!' Yes, Sir Alan, it's a bloody house party Photograph: BBC

Nice bath, room for two! How long before the Apprentice goes down the Big Brother route and puts a camera in the bathroom? Of course not, it's a serious business programme. Oi, you! Stop sniggering at the back. It is! Photograph: BBC

After the swish brainstorming room and opulent bathroom, this bedroom is frankly something of a disappointment. Very possibly you are looking at the physical embodiment of the exact moment the credit crunch hit and the budget ran out Photograph: BBC

The living area, complete with breakfast bar, trendier-than-thou seats and a rather nice lampshade. See that land outside the window? That's all owned by Sir Alan, you know. A fact: the Apprentice penthouse has 10,000 sq ft of living space, with private lifts to all floors Photograph: BBC

Ooh look, it's like a classy Big Brother house. Just imagine. Here's another fact: there are the same number of fish in the apartment aquarium as there are candidates. No word on whether one of the fish, like one of the candidates, bottled it on the eve of the show Photograph: BBC