So it’s the end of another lively series of The Apprentice. Thanks so much for all your comments on the blog over the last 12 million weeks. You’ve been 110% committed, passionate and team players.
All hail Valentino and goodnight!
“I want the cars, I want the girls and most of all I want the power,” “No stopping, no toilet breaks.” With that wisdom, Joseph will go far.
At last, Charleine is a winner. Of the award for stating the bleedin’ obvious.
It’s Lord Sugar’s best bits. “You couldn’t sell a bone to Battersea Dogs Home” has to be a series highlight.
The previous winners are in the house tonight, including the ever modest Mark Wright: “You’re about to experience one of the best years you’ll ever have.”
“Can I throw my thought into the thought pot?” Dan should have won for that line alone.
There’s a Mergim tribute going on. “Apply again,” says Lord Sugar. “In 12 years.”
Joseph’s mum and sister are in the audience. “He was very cheeky, but we always knew he was going to do well.”
“I think it was an iconic moment,” says Joseph about shaving off his ’tache. “I did look a little second-hand car salesman-like.” And it’s a hit with the audience.
It’s Valentino’s fashion evolution: braces, shades, that legendary moustache - there’s nothing he can’t wear.
Reading Lord Sugar’s book was Joseph’s U-bend moment. “I literally quit my job.”
Straight outta Peterborough, here comes the man of the moment: Joseph Valente. And is that a bit of a makeover he’s had?
Salad, talking about how utterly terrifying Claude is and now Ruth’s even won an award for fishcakes. How much more of this can they string out? Just bring on the main man.
Forget the Loser Cafe, where is Joseph?
Oh Vana’s one of those people who guesses your starsign.
Are Vana’s parents architects? Funny she hasn’t mentioned it before.
Vana’s best bits: some pie, no cheese.
At last, Jack Dee asks the question everyone was asking: Why did all the girls do their hair on the landing? It’s all about the electrics.
Now it’s time to see how everyone’s hair has changed with You’re Hired.
“Since the day I was expelled from school I knew I was going to do something big with my life.” Aw, Joseph is a worthy winner, isn’t he?
So Lord Sugar thinks Vana is “a very clever lady”. “Technology has been my best friend for over 50 years, so maybe it’s time to make new friends.” Yes! Joseph is HIRED>
This is more like it. Joseph’s fighting to the end. “I know you like technology.” Decision time...
“You’ve seen how I’ve managed people,” says Vana. Like the most annoying person in the office? Now she’s talking about pies. Mmmm... pies.
“What you see is what you get,” says Joseph, before ticking off the “driven” and “passionate” cliches.
Is Sugar veering towards Joseph? “I think he’s a fine fella.” Claude has a warning: “I think he’ll need a watchful eye.” Well from that, it sounds like he’s got the advantage.
Right, it’s Karren and Claude conference time. “I think Vana’s really come into her own,” says Claude. Karren thinks she’s “a double risk”.
If a man can make it in Peterborough, he can make it anywhere.
Love Lord Sugar’s face every time Vana mentions venture capitalists. Like a dog protecting a bone.
“I think you were wonderful manipulative in that conversation.” Nothing gets past Claude, Vana.
So Joseph got six or seven business cards. “You’ve got more cheek than Kim Kardashian” - it’s a Lord Sugar zinger.
What tonight’s been missing is a good fight. Come on, Boardroom, you must deliver.
“Plumbing and heating has been around for hundreds of years and I think it’s going to move into the future, into the space age of our human race,” says Joseph. Try arguing with that, Lord Sugar.
Brett’s the best actor in this video. He’d make a great plumber.
Vana’s presentation was cracking. Now Joseph’s on, bringing his “personable personality” to the stage.
“The doctor of desire” will see you now.
First to pitch: Vana, with her advert that looks nothing like a chatline promo at all.
“It’s like asking a bald man if he would use Charleine’s hair salon.” Vana: the relentless optimist.
“I want him to look inside me and see I’m the right man.” Joseph always delights.
That Prime Time Plumbers advert looks like it should be in the local paper. Those boiler suits are fabulous though.
“The other option is... you don’t have another option.” Good old Dicky.
Who needs the internet when you have sandwich boards?
“The warning signs are there for Vana.” Claude is hitting the nail on the head quite a lot tonight, isn’t he?
Imagine getting networked by Joseph though.
Joseph’s having a last-minute change of direction. Renewable’s over and now it’s all about smart.
These jugglers are a metaphor for what’s going on in Vana’s head. Oh no, it’s her app.
This looks nothing like the start of a porn film at all, does it?
“Ruth can be a little wordy.” And that’s coming from Vana. Meanwhile, Brett can’t wait to get in that boiler suit. Here comes Prime Time Plumbers: The Movie.
Tonight’s logos are brought to you by the ’80s. “That’s took three men three hours,” says Brett. Don’t hold back. Oh hang on, Elle isn’t...
Joseph needs to get that full stop off his logo. Literally can’t look at it.
Date Play doesn’t sound dodgy at all, does it? Still it has “brain and science and everything behind it”.
Photoshoot fight! “A few weeks ago I could have throttled him.” That’s Charleine’s way of saying she can’t stand the sexual tension, isn’t it?
“Working with Charleine is depressing at times” Don’t sit on the fence, Dicky.
Enerpe... Enerpetie.. Ener... catchy name, Joseph.
“I don’t really want too much fun.” Go, Vana!
Joseph’s going to flog solar panels. Karren’s basically saying he’s picked the most rubbish contestants to help him.
Impressed faces all round at the thought of Vana’s gaming-meets-dating app. Tricky Dicky’s already sketching phones that look like they’re getting a little overexcited.
Vana’s got Tricky Dicky and Charleine - that’s a strong line-up. Still, Joseph has Corporate G on his side.
So the final showdown: Vana and Joseph are launching their businesses, with some “help”. Cue: the return of the losers. This is like picking sports teams at school.
“I’m here because I want to have an impact on the world. He’s there because he wants to be a billionaire.” Vana’s warming up nicely tonight.
Alan’s finger is in full effect in this recap.
Here we go, and if you had Lord Sugar’s “supply and demand” line in your drinking game, you’ll be sipping early.
Hurry up, Murray, there are people here baying for Sugar.
Come on, Sports Personality of the Year, get on with it. Oh, Andy Murray’s won. Look at his happy little face.
Hello and welcome to The Apprentice Final Liveblog. To quote the great prophets of pop known as the Spice Girls, tonight is the night when two become one. And all the losers are brought back to run around like headless, er, turkeys.
Who will Lord Sugar hire? Plumber Joseph Valente describes himself as “the definition of success”, but Vana Koutsomitis has gone and invented a new dating app that tickles his fancy.
Joseph’s probably grooming his mini-mo right now, while Vana’s trying to cram even more words than usual into a sentence. Of course, that’s not true because it’s not live, but this blog will be at 9pm.
So come on in and give 110% with your comments and laughs or it’ll be like an event for the Piers Morgan fan club, with about two people turning up.
