Quote of the year
“If the boy thinks I’ve farted he’s 1,010% wrong” – Gary Anderson, upset by talk he used “a fragrant egg smell” to throw rival Wesley Harms at November’s Grand Slam of Darts in Wolverhampton. Harms: “It’ll take me two nights to lose this smell from my nose.”
Ruse of the year
Leinster Senior League side Ballybrack FC, getting a game called off in November by claiming one of their players, Fernando Nuno La Fuente, had just died in a car crash. Other clubs held minute’s silences before Ballybrack admitted it was a lie. The club said sorry for “this gross error”.
Statue of the year
November’s Mo Salah/Marv from Home Alone/Art Garfunkel effort from sculptor Mai Abdallah. Social media embraced it; Abdallah said her work was “distinguished and executable … I hope people learn the art of polite and respectful criticism.”
Sharpest exit
A Canadian curling team – in hot water and booted out of the Red Deer Curling Classic. World Curling Tour: “The team of Jamie Koe, Ryan Fry, Chris Schille and DJ Kidby has been ejected from the Red Deer Curling Classic due to unsportsmanlike behaviour.” Wade Thurber, manager of Red Deer Curling Centre: “They went out to curl and they were extremely drunk and breaking brooms and swearing. Enough was enough.”
Also this year in curling: Norway’s trousers make a return in Pyeongchang with a series of eye-watering designs. “Whatever they come up with, we’re never really surprised,” said curler Christoffer Svae. “We’ve seen it all.”
And the sport gained an unlikely fan in Mr T (below): “I am really Pumped watching the Winter Olympics. I am watching events I never thought I would watch before, like curling. You heard me, curling, fool!”
Most off-message
Russian bobsled pilot Nadezhda Sergeeva – pictured in an ad campaign wearing a “I Don’t Do Doping” sweatshirt before the Winter Olympics and later testing positive for trimetazidine. Russian delegate: “This won’t win us any extra credit.”
See also: Isthmian League South Central Division side South Park FC, following “feedback and advice from a number of different sources”, cancelling their “Gentlemen’s Evening” scheduled for International Women’s Day.
Best admin
1) Team England forgetting to tick a box on a form, leaving cyclist Melissa Lowther unable to compete at Commonwealth Games. Lowther: “I can’t put into words how disappointed I am.”
2) Tommy Fleetwood’s £120,000 winnings from the Open being paid to an entirely different Tommy Fleetwood. “I wouldn’t even know if I’d been paid or not because I don’t really look,” said Fleetwood. “But I’ll get on top of that …”
Worst tackle
Emil Sandoi, manager of Romanian side Arges Pitesti, sent to the stands after foiling a counterattack by tripping Chindia Targoviste’s winger. “I immediately apologised,” said Sandoi. “It’s comical. We spoke to all those involved and we laughed.”
Most intrepid reporter
1) BBC Breakfast’s Mike Bushell falling into the pool during a live interview with English swimmers at the Commonwealth Games: “I didn’t see the step, sorry about that.”
2) At The Races presenter Hayley Moore safely grabbing a runaway horse at Chepstow. “I’ve had a lot of practice.”
Most dramatic collapse
High Wycombe CC, 186 for three and needing three runs from 12 balls to beat Peterborough Town in the National Club Championship, all out for 187 after losing seven wickets in 11 balls. “It was a little bit embarrassing,” said High Wycombe’s captain, Nathan Hawkes.
Worst unveiling
1) Crystal Palace – announcing the signing of German midfielder Max Meyer on their website with a picture of German midfielder Joshua Kimmich.
2) Villarreal – showing off Santi Cazorla’s return to the club by hiring a local magician and having the midfielder mysteriously appear inside a smoke-filled glass tube at the Estadio de la Cerámica.
Best redesign
Norwich City – painting the visitors’ dressing room “deep pink” after studies show the colour can lower testosterone levels. “Before a game you don’t have any colour that has the capacity to weaken the desire for triumph, or the desire for competition,” said the Leeds manager, Marcelo Bielsa, after his side’s 3-0 win at Carrow Road.
Most resourceful
A close-run thing, with the Ayr fan who climbed a tree in order to watch his side after being turfed out of the Falkirk Stadium narrowly beaten by the Denizlispor supporter who hired a crane in order to get round a year-long stadium ban.
Best proposals
Pulling out all the stops: Eduard Bello ran into the stand after scoring for Chilean club CD Antofagasta and proposed to his girlfriend Gabriela Brito.
Strong effort: Jamell Anderson surprised fellow basketball player Georgia Jones after England’s 81-54 win over Cameroon at the Commonwealth Games.
Interesting choice: Charlton fan Keiron Hollister dropped to one knee to propose to girlfriend Lauren at half-time of the Checkatrade Trophy tie between Charlton and AFC Wimbledon at the Valley (Attendance: 1,244) in September.
• Hip young go-getters @ManUtd aiming to show off the old-school authenticity of the Old Trafford crowd – “not a cellphone in sight, just people living in the moment” – let down only by the number of fans clearly holding them.
• The clash of the year was an unexpected coming together between Leeds United and One Direction’s Niall Horan. Derby fan Niall: “No one likes Leeds.” Leeds: “No one likes your solo career #BringBack1D.”
• Most romantic moment was Manchester City’s Valentine’s Day tweet – “Let’s see who’s got the best #ValentinesDay rhymes: Roses are red, Manchester is blue …” – gets predictable responses. @Jack_Moore7: “Without Sheikh Mansour you’d be in League 2.”
• Memphis Depay celebrated reaching 5m followers on Instagram by writing a rap and performing it while holding a huge cigar and wearing a frankly ludicrous smoking jacket. Sample lyric: “Well I really got no idol, cause the world Messi no Lionel. I read a posted pic about the Bible. Nations League see us pushing for the finals …”
• And Charlie Austin’s rant after Southampton were denied victory against Watford because of several controversial refereeing decisions is one of the highlights of the Premier League season so far, but it’s even better when mixed with Blur’s Parklife, as it was by Saints fan Ryan Butterworth. “The best league in the world, the most watched league in the world, give them all the help they need, ’cos clearly they’ve cost us two points today. It’s a joke!” Parklife! Thank you, the internet.
Best official
Referee Dean Hulme – sending off Hemel Hempstead Town striker Sanchez Watt after mistaking his name for dissent. Hemel Hempstead chairman, Dave Boggins: “It was a human error.”
Most troubled race
The 2017 Venice marathon: a motorbike guiding the leading runners went the wrong way, allowing local runner Eyob Faniel to win the race.
The 2018 Venice marathon: runners had to plough through knee-high waters after the worst flooding in the city in a decade. Men’s winner Mekuant Gebre said: “The final stretch was really tough but I knew I had a good lead and it was trouble for everyone.”
Best pep talk
Leaving Zinedine Zidane and Pep Guardiola in the shade is 98-year-old nun Sister Jean Dolores-Schmidt, whose pre-game words of wisdom inspired Chicago’s Loyola Ramblers to surprise successes in college basketball. “She’s like another coach,” guard Donte Ingram told the Chicago Tribune. “[In my first game] it caught me off guard. I thought she was just going to pray. She prayed but then she starts saying: ‘You’ve got to box out and watch out for 23.’”
Villains of the year
1) Richard Scudamore – the outgoing Premier League executive chairman trousering a £5m parting gift.
2) Sergio Ramos – wrecking Mohamed Salah’s Champions League final and hampering his World Cup after dislocating the Liverpool player’s shoulder. Ramos: “My conscience is really clear.”
3) Steve Smith – sacked as Australia captain following March’s ball‑tampering furore. Smith: “If we weren’t caught, I’d still feel incredibly bad about it.”
4) Phil Mickelson – losing his rag and deliberately hitting a moving ball at the US Open. “Anger and frustration got the best of me last weekend. I’m embarrassed and disappointed by my actions.”
5) Martin Solveig – Aka DJ Twerk Berk.
Goal of the year
England striker Lauren Hemp – squeezing the ball between the ground and her hip and into the net after being upended by the goalkeeper against Mexico at the Under-20 Women’s World Cup in France. “Haters gonna say I didn’t mean it,” she tweeted.
Most parched
1) A thirsty Didier Drogba – taking a swig from a ballboy’s bottled water before swinging in the perfect corner for Phoenix Rising to equalise against LA Galaxy.
2) Hammarby midfielder Kennedy Bakircioglu – hammering home a stunning free-kick against Gothenburg before supping a fan’s beer while celebrating.
Worst missiles
1) Falkirk fans throwing fake eyes towards the Dunfermline midfielder Dean Shiels, who lost the sight in his right eye at the age of eight after an accident and had it removed in 2006. Dunfermline manager, Allan Johnston: “You never like to hear stuff like that. It’s poor.”
2) With PSV bearing down on goal in their Eredivisie match, Feyenoord fans lobbed in an extra ball to halt play. PSV manager, Mark van Bommel: “It’s a weird situation.”
3) The then Aston Villa manager Steve Bruce targeted by a cabbage at Villa Park. Bruce: “It sums up the society we are in at the moment. There’s no respect for anyone.”
But in better news: Excelsior supporters at the De Kuip throwing hundreds of soft toys to fans visiting from Rotterdam’s Sophia Children’s Hospital.
Best press conference
Mark Williams – turning up to meet the media naked, as he had promised to do, after his unlikely victory in the World Snooker Championship at the Crucible. Williams: “It’s an unbelievable story. Twelve months ago I was thinking about chucking it and here I am doing an interview having won the 2018 world championship, naked. If I won this again next year, I’d do this again – I’d cartwheel round here naked.” You have been warned.
• A minor-league baseball game between Norfolk Tides and Louisville Bats was held up in May after two ducklings invaded the pitch. Tides’ Twitter: “They were headed for fowl territory.”
• A plucky squirrel narrowly avoided doom after charging on to the snowboarding giant slalom course during Daniela Ulbing’s run at the Winter Olympics. Ulbing still won her heat.
• Bayern Munich’s Champions League game at Besiktas was paused after a cat sneaked on to the turf at Vodafone Park. The feline intruder made a swift exit but that didn’t get Besiktas off the hook – Uefa hit them with a charge of “insufficient organisation (animal on the field of play)”.
• A Sudanese Premier League game between al-Shorta and al-Hilal was briefly held up when a goat ambled on to the pitch.
• A nasty and unexpected arrival in the penalty area during Queen’s Park v St Mirren in July. Queen’s Park’s Twitter: “We’ve seen some strange things at Hampden but St Mirren keeper Craig Samson has just been forced to remove what looks like a dead squirrel dropped on to the pitch by a seagull. Entertainment at its best.”
• Perhaps the biggest impact from an animal interloper came in the Argentinian third division game between Juventud Unida de Gualeguaychú and Defensores de Belgrano de Villa Ramallo when a dog skittered across the goalline to prevent a Juventud shot from crossing the line.
• And in feelgood news: a dog delayed Torpedo Kutaisi versus Dila in the Georgian top flight for three minutes, though much of that time was spent with it getting a belly rub from the Torpedo goalkeeper David Khurtsilava.
Most understated
“Roma have risen from their ruins! Manolas, the Greek god in Rome! The unthinkable unfolds before our eyes! This was not meant to happen! This could not happen! This is happening! Barcelona, extraordinary, eight minutes from elimination. And Di Francesco does not know where to go. Iniesta does not know where to look. It is a Greek from Mount Olympus who has come to the seven hills of Rome and pulled off a miracle!” BT Sport commentator Peter Drury gets a little excited as Roma knock Barcelona out of the Champions League.
Longest wait
Aussie golfer Jake McLeod’s birdie putt at the 4th in the Australian Open sat on the lip of the cup for 35 seconds before dropping in only for officials to penalise him a shot for waiting too long. McLeod: “I was pretty frustrated.” Also ending a long wait: the Philadelphia Eagles, winning their first Super Bowl, and their first NFL title since 1960. Centre Jason Kelce at the victory parade: “Everybody wonders why we’re so mean. Everybody wonders why the Philadelphia Eagles aren’t the nicest fans. If I don’t eat breakfast, I’m fucking pissed off.”
Best commuter
Swiss freestyle skier Fabian Bösch taking an unusual approach to riding an escalator in Pyeongchang, grabbing the handrail and being dragged up to the next floor on the outside of the staircase. “It was hard to hold on, I’m not a climber or anything,” he said. “I wouldn’t have done it if it was too dangerous, my coaches know that.”
Top showboat
Bath rugby star Freddie Burns, blowing air kisses as he crossed the line for glory in October, then dropping the ball before grounding it. “Today,” he tweeted later, “was an ultimate low.” See also: Jimmy Gressier attempting to knee-slide across the line in the men’s under-23s race at the European Cross Country Championships and faceplanting through the tape and into the mud.
Best tribute
Rotherham and Ipswich fans – chanting “to me, to you” at the New York Stadium after the death of lifelong Millers fan Barry Chuckle.
Strangest injury
Coventry City goalkeeper Lee Burge required a trip to the hospital after being hit on the head by a stray puck during Coventry Blaze’s ice hockey fixture against Sheffield Steelers.
Best dinner guest
Chelsea midfielder N’Golo Kanté – missing his Eurostar to Paris after Chelsea’s win over Cardiff in September and then heading to a mosque in Kings Cross where he was spotted by Arsenal fan Badlur Rahman Jalil. “It’s Islamic teaching to invite guests to your house for dinner, so I asked him,” said Jalil. “He was on a protein diet so we had a chicken curry. He even had a cup of tea. He beat us all at Fifa and then we watched Match of the Day. It was a really nice evening.”
Fight of the year
1) Deontay Wilder v ESPN Mascot – Wilder apologised after flooring the moustachioed, sombrero-wearing mascot with a thunderous punch on US TV. “I sincerely apologise to the brave man,” said Wilder. “I have the up most high respect for him, his participation, willingness and courage.”
2) Curtis Harper v Efe Ajagba – the opening bell rings for the heavyweight bout in Minnesota and Harper storms from the ring in protest over a contract dispute. Harper: “It was the hardest thing for me to do, to walk back to the dressing room. I didn’t quit. It never started. However people see it is really not my concern.” Ajagba: “I was surprised.”
• Sue Barker begins a day at Wimbledon by asking Boris Becker about his passport: “It’s been a tricky few weeks for you, you’ve been in the papers … so what is your relationship with the Central African Republic?” Becker: “I was asked by the ambassador if I wanted to help the country get back on its feet as an attache for sports. They gave me official documentation, they gave me a passport. Unfortunately the foreign ministry made some comments that it was a false passports. I’m sure the president will find a solution soon …”
• Before Marcelo Bielsa’s first game at Leeds, a Sky reporter asks the Argentinian questions in the tunnel. The questions are in English, a translator whispers them on in Spanish, Bielsa replies in Spanish, the translator whispers them back to Bielsa in English, Bielsa stares into the camera and replies in English.
• BBC Cornwall managing to mistake Torquay manager Gary Johnson for the owner of a skip company.
Presenter Laurence Reed: “Great to get you on the programme! What’s the problem?”
Johnson: “What’s the problem? What problem? We haven’t any got problem. What’re you saying?”
Presenter: “You run a skip company don’t you?”
Johnson: “Sorry?”
Presenter: “You don’t run a skip company?”
Johnson: “I don’t, I don’t. This is Gary Johnson, the Torquay manager.”
Presenter: “Hang on a sec, Gary, thank you. What’s gone wrong there then?”
Co-presenter: “I’ve called the wrong person, Laurence …”
Referee of the year
Peruvian referee Albert Alarcón took VAR into his own hands during the Copa Peru tie between FC Retamoso and Auquiato de Pampamarca, inspecting the snaps of a pitchside photographer in order to ascertain if Jordan Campos’s shot for Retamoso had gone in.
Also in VAR: a weakness in the system was revealed when officials in Portugal looked to the technology to check whether an Aves goal against Boavista was offside: a giant flag being waved by supporters obstructed the view.
Most vigilant
Duisburg goalkeeper Mark Flekken – taking a drink in the back of his net as Stefan Kutschke scored for Ingolstadt: “I switched off. That’s the last time I leave my water bottle in my goal.”
Best PR
The then Swansea manager, Carlos Carvalhal, bringing Portuguese custard tarts – pastéis de nata – to a press conference.
Most NSFW
League One’s Bristol Rovers, whose clubhouse TVs were inexplicably tuned in to adult channel Babestation during half-time of their fixture against Crawley. Rovers chairman Steve Hamer: “What was seen was pretty moderate.”
Top tantrum
Tampa Bay Rays outfielder Carlos Goméz – striking out against the Miami Marlins on 4 July and going to town with his bat on a water cooler in the dugout. “It’s part of the game, but I don’t recommend any kid do that,” he said. “It was just five seconds that I lost it.”
Best fit
Central defender Bradley Stokes signing for Bradley Stoke Town FC. “I knew there was an area called Bradley Stoke, so I Googled it to see if they had a football team because I thought that would be cool.”
Driver of the year
Whoever was behind the wheel of the truck laden with hay-bales that destroyed the inflatable finish on the first stage of the Women’s Tour Down Under in January. Also in transport chaos: Best breakdown recovery – the players from Flamengo and Vasco da Gama who pushed an ambulance from the pitch after it collected Vasco’s Bruno Silva then failed to start.
Most agonising finale
Anna van der Breggen – leading La Course over the final climb with 24km to go and down a breakneck descent only to be pipped inside the final 10 metres by Annemiek van Vleuten. Van der Breggen: “I was really empty at the end.” Van Vleuten: “In the last corner I saw that she was completely finished. I had something, somewhere left.”
Best reconnaissance
Werder Bremen – reported to the police by Hoffenheim after players saw a drone flying overhead during their final training session before the teams met in the Bundesliga this month. General manager, Frank Baumann: “We have done nothing illegal. That would go against our club principles. We apologise to Hoffenheim if the incident has unnerved them.”
Worst advice
The Argentinian Football Association – included a chapter on flirting and “how to stand a chance with a Russian girl” in their guide for journalists, coaches and officials travelling to the World Cup. “Because Russian women are beautiful, many men just want to sleep with them. Maybe they want that too, but they are also persons who want to feel important and unique … Don’t worry, there are many beautiful women in Russia and not all are for you. Be selective!” The AFA quickly withdrew the manual.
Biggest mistake
Thomas Bjørn revealed he made a bet with his European players at the Ryder Cup and now has a new tattoo: “Let me put it this way, it’s going to go on a part of my body that only [my girlfriend] Grace will see. The worst decision I made all week.”
