The Cadel Evans reasonably-sized-trophy for humble champions
Even for those of us who enjoy the showmen and the blowhards, there’s something endlessly endearing about Jason Day’s ‘gee shucks, did I really win this thing?’ routine. In 2015 he reached new heights, putting aside the disappointment of missing out at the US Open and Open Championship by nabbing both the US PGA title (the first man to do so at 20 under par) and the world No1 ranking. He was a polite and deserving champion. An honourable mention to shark-punching, tear-jerking surfer Mick Fanning, who couldn’t quite take out the world title this year but is certainly a hero of the people.
The Dirk Wellham broken picket for crowd relations
LeBron James proved there is indeed a way of ruffling Jason Day’s feathers when he chased an errant ball towards the sideline and almost knocked out Day’s wife Ellie in a spectacular crash into the courtside seats. There was something genuinely horrifying about seeing her carted away on a stretcher but all’s well that ends well and Day thankfully escaped any major injuries. Remind us again why people want to sit there...
The Arthur Tunstall award for tactful public utterances
It was a crowded field this year but when in doubt, just get an old person talking about issues that overlap with identity and race. This was certainly the case when Olympic great Dawn Fraser was asked by Channel Nine’s Today Show for her opinions on young tennis stars Nick Kyrgios and Bernard Tomic. It soon became quite apparent that she’s not a fan.
“They should be setting a better example for the younger generation of this country, a great country of ours,” said Fraser, before really pushing the envelope. “If they don’t like it, go back to where their fathers or their parents came from. We don’t need them here in this country if they act like that.”
Kyrgios soon hit Facebook with a few choice words of his own. “Throwing a racket, brat. Debating the rules, disrespectful. Frustrated when competing, spoilt. Showing emotion, arrogant. Blatant racist, Australian legend,” he fumed. What he might have added is that Fraser has a fairly selective memory for someone who was once expelled from her own sport on account of bad behaviour during the 1964 Tokyo Olympics.
The Steven Bradbury award for least likely sporting hero
It was like something from a Disney movie, Matthew ‘Dirty Delly’ Dellavedova’s rise from total obscurity to major player in an NBA finals series, but that’s exactly what the scrappy Aussie managed with his spider-monkey defence and ungainly shooting as the injury-hit Cleveland Cavaliers almost upset the Golden State Warriors. Alas, fatigue and reality set in so we were denied a fairytale ending but it was a hell of a lot of fun while it lasted and there was also the small matter of the admirable Aussie Andrew Bogut winning himself a well-deserved championship ring for the Warriors.
Johnathan Thurston is ineligible here, because there’s nothing unlikely about the four-time Dally M winner doing incredible things, but his performance to carry the North Queensland Cowboys home for a fairytale NRL grand final win was more in the cinematic realm of Kevin Costner. One of his good ones.
The Mighty Ducks medal for pluckiest team effort
This is a two-way tie between the Matildas – who won in the knockout stages of a World Cup and on the way, took out superpower Brazil in a superb team effort that genuinely captured Australia’s attention – and the Wallabies, who nobody really fancied to make it to the World Cup final but then there they were, briefly mixing it with the all-powerful All Blacks. Both sides did themselves proud and confounded expectations.
The Matthews-Voss steel forearm for ruthless domination
Equal to any of the great sides in AFL history, Hawthorn further stamped their authority on this decade of footy with a third successive premiership, one that vaulted skipper Luke Hodge and coach Alastair Clarkson to legend status at the club, if they weren’t there already. Who’d bet against them doing it again in 2016?
The Vicki Wilson bib for goal-shooting excellence
Caitlin Bassett has a fair old height advantage on most of her opponents, to be sure, but the way she crushed every opponent in her path during Australia’s march towards the Netball World Cup title represented an elevation to a new level. She shot 49 from 52 in the semi-final win over Jamaica and then 48 from 51 (ie. all bar 10 of Australia’s goals) in her country’s 58-55 final triumph. You just can’t stop her.
The Ron Barassi medal for Aussie Rules oratory
Proving that he couldn’t even put a broken foot wrong, Fremantle midfield ace Nat Fyfe limped into the Brownlow medal ceremony on a pimptastic cane and left with the AFL’s highest honour around his neck, having won himself a legion of fans with an off-the-cuff acceptance speech of the highest order. “Bruce, you could probably win a Brownlow with Aaron Sandilands hitting it down your throat,” he joked with Seven’s host Bruce McAvaney.
The Katich-Clarke shield for internal conflict
Relations between Tennis Australia and the Bernard Tomic camp have not often been what you’d label cordial, but they sagged to a new low when the administrative body sent out an email regarding Tomic’s appearance in an upcoming Hall of Fame Tennis Championships event but “accidentally” labelled it the “Hall of Shame”. A little bit hard to pass off as a typo, that one.
The Rale Rasic pewter tankard for football excellence
The Socceroos had a quietly excellent year of regeneration and development under everyone’s favourite national coach Ange Postecoglou and their 2-1 Asian Cup final win over South Korea in front of a heaving ANZ Stadium crowd was the icing on the cake. Their skipper also boasts the best national sport captain’s beard since mid-1980s Allan Border.
The Hunt-Newman golden microphone for best on-air argument of the year
The Adam Goodes booing affair was the most polarising and in many instances depressing Australian sports story of the year and it’s fair to say that the sports media world wasn’t immune to the ever-present threat of an in-fight, but the on-air slanging match between Daily Telegraph sportswriter Rebecca Wilson and former Hawthorn great Dermott Brereton was a genuine humdinger.
“To me it’s absolutely disgraceful. I’m embarrassed to be Australian,” Wilson had said on Melbourne sports radio station SEN of Brereton’s takes on the issue. “It makes me want to cry to be honest. And the fact that Dermott Brereton can come out today and says ‘I actively encourage it’ [the booing], have a look at what he’s done.”
Enraged by the tenor of Wilson’s comments, Brereton promptly called in and issued a spray of his own. “Hey Rebecca,” he started. “That is the most moronic statement to paraphrase me and say that I have actively encouraged people to act in this behaviour. That is doing your job without reading any research whatsoever. I am livid, livid, livid that you would say that and go ahead with that and just shoot from the hip. For a journalist that is complete and utter stupidity.”
“And to tip me in, Rebecca, is the poorest piece of journalism I have ever heard you commit to.” Tell us what you really think, Derm. Luckily Wilson flew under the radar for the rest of the year...
The Darryl Kerrigan award for telling the bullies and bozos to get stuffed
For some, becoming the first female jockey to win the Melbourne Cup would have been achievement enough but after steering 100-1 outsider Prince of Penzance home in the famous race, hoop Michelle Payne set her sights on bigger issues, using the winner’s podium to tell the sport’s chauvinistic old guard to “get stuffed”.
“It’s such a chauvinistic sport, a lot of the owners wanted to kick me off. Everyone else can get stuffed [who] think women aren’t good enough,” Payne said in her post-race interview, turning something that was already remarkable into a spirited national conversation. The horse’s strapper, Payne’s brother Stevie, joined his sister as an overnight national hero.
The David Schwarz pewter goblet for most obviously foreseeable injury in sports panel shows
You’d love to have been a fly on the wall in the Channel Nine Footy Show production meeting that led to former NRL stars Wendell Sailor and Ben Ross facing off in the ‘Iron Arm Challenge’. If the vision of Ross’s arm snapping like a twig wasn’t sickening enough, the sound of it was something that we found particularly hard to forget. It’s hard to see this segment returning but as Paul Weller said, “that’s entertainment”.
The Wasim Akram lime jersey for excellence in one-day-international bowling
Aside from Steve Smith’s year-long batting heroics, there weren’t many Australian cricketing sights as thrilling as Mitchell Starc’s white-ball bowling in 2015. In the Cricket World Cup his hooping yorkers were almost unplayable at times, always arrowing in at batsmen’s toes and giving Australia’s bowling attack that same threat of imminent danger as Mitchell Johnson had created in the summers prior. The final against New Zealand was the cherry on the cake with Starc’s early dismissal of Kiwi captain Brendon McCullum setting the tone for Australia’s triumph. The team didn’t do too badly in that tournament either.
The Robbie Fowler gilt-framed mirror for ‘white line fever’
Just when St Kilda had finally stopped being so damned St Kildery, up stepped new recruit Jake Carlisle with his ‘white powder’ Snapchat video, a scandal that broke seemingly seconds after the Saints had finalised the trade that brought the tall defender to the club. “I will learn from my mistake and when I return to Australia I will commit to any club or AFL requirements or educational programs,” said Carlisle’s hastily released statement. The first of those requirements might have been a size 10 up the khyber from his new boss Alan Richardson.
The Madonna plate for most spectacular on-stage tumble
Or was it? Vision of Frank Lowy’s frightening tumble off the A League grand final presentation dais was one of the most gruesomely compelling pieces of sporting theatre this year (and also produced one of the sports photographs of the year), causing a sharp, nation-wide intake of breath that quickly gave way to laughter once the FFA chairman staggered back to his feet, but it also spawned a conspiracy theory or two along the way. Thankfully the grass stain has now washed out of his hair.
They said it
“Gym: like dancing, holding hands and queuing. Overrated.” - Shane Warne’s fitness philosophy.
“Kokkinakis banged your girlfriend... sorry to tell you that, mate.” - Nick Kyrgios’s moment of madness.
“I appreciate your concern mate, usually no one cares about how I feel. No we won’t be rotating coaches, I’ll be fit for tomorrow.” - Socceroos coach Ange Postecoglou responds to a reporter’s concerns for his health during the Asian Cup.
“I have no comment about that. I don’t want to make any more donations. The game was very competitive. As I said, no more donations.” - Iran coach Carlos Queiroz keeps schtum on the refereeing in his side’s Asian Cup game in Brisbane. Earlier in the tournament he’d been fined $3000 for his strident views on the officials.
“Another 20 days and you can apply for citizenship.” - Indian captain MS Dhoni towards the end of his side’s taxing four-month stay in Australia.
“Well, yeah, that’s usually what happens when you lose a fourth set, you go into a fifth one, so um yeah...” - Kyrgios again, responding to a reporter’s theory that anything could have happened if the Australian hadn’t held off Ivo Karlovic in the fourth set of their Australian Open clash.
“I’ve seen the things some of these teenagers are exposed to now, the dangers, the pitfalls, social media.” - Shane Warne, apparently not talking about his own Instagram account.
“You’re testing our patience mate.” - an irony-free Warne weighs into the Kyrgios debate.
“I haven’t had one complaint, it’s all I can say. The response from women generally has been wow, that’s really cool.” - Warne again on the now-infamous ceiling mirror above his bed.
“It’s the sort of score you expect to see at the Under-9s on the village green.” - Ian Botham on Australia’s calamitous collapse on the first day of the Old Trafford Ashes Test, when Stuart Broad’s eight wickets razed them for 60.
“How thirsty are you? “Are you going to have a bit of a drink tonight too, Smitty? Are you going to get thirsty as well? The boys are thirsty, they seem.” - Shane Warne was keen for a drink when he interviewed Australian batsman Steve Smith in the wake of Australia’s Cricket World Cup final win and so were TV viewers once he was done with his interrogation.
“He’s only just turned up, let’s not give him too much credit.” - Alastair Cook pokes fun at England’s new Ashes winning coach, Australian Trevor Bayliss.
“Get him to Hartlepool on a wet night in the middle of winter in England and see how good he is then.” - Perth Glory manager Kenny Lowe on Jose Mourinho.
“People think I’m at war with Pat Rafter. It’s not true. Pat is a nice guy. [But] if the Australian public don’t know Pat, he’s a good actor, he’s well-spoken, always prepared and knows what to say. He’s prepped by Tennis Australia to know what to say.” - Bernard Tomic, definitely not at war with Pat Rafter.
“Another negative comment out of Rafters mouth. Does this guy ever stop? #everyoneisaworkinprogress.” - Nick Kyrgios goes in to bat for Tomic in a tweet that was soon deleted.
