Once, people said that Jessica Simpson could become a viable acting proposition. Then people saw Jessica Simpson act. And now nobody says that any more.
Pictured: Blonde Ambition (2007) Photograph: First Look International/Sportsphoto Ltd/Allstar
In Moonwalker, Michael Jackson played himself. Not a version of himself. He actually played himself, but with all the panache of a regional Michael Jackson lookalike competition bronze medal winner. Let us call this the Spice World effect.
Pictured: Moonwalker (1988) Photograph: Everett Collection/Rex Features
Prince can compose, perform, produce, sing and dance like nobody else on earth. He can also act like nobody else on earth. Because everyone else on earth is better at it than him.
Pictured: Purple Rain (1984) Photograph: Allstar/Cinetext/Warner Bros
Madonna’s famous tenacity has got her to plenty of places in her career but, every time she decides to act, that place tends to be the HMV bargain bin.
Pictured: Evita (1996) Photograph: Allstar/Cinetext
Like Eminem, 50 Cent essentially played himself in Get Rich or Die Tryin’. Unlike Eminem, he then made lots of direct-to-DVD filler that people only watch out of self-loathing.
Pictured: Get Rich or Die Tryin' (2005) Photograph: Sportsphoto Ltd/Allstar/Paramount
It’s easy to pick on Britney Spears for starring in Crossroads, but that’s because watching Crossroads was like performing dental surgery on yourself with a tinfoil drill. Her place here is well deserved.
Pictured: Crossroads (2002) Photograph: Allstar/Cinetext/Paramount
Doherty’s debut acting turn alongside Charlotte Gainsbourg in Confession of a Child of the Century was labelled as “shambling amateurism” by the Guardian’s Catherine Shoard. And that was her being nice.
Pictured: Confession of a Child of the Century (2012) Photograph: PR
Admittedly Rihanna wasn’t given an awful lot to do in Battleship, but she still failed hopelessly at it. Your mum, given the chance, could grunt at a Transformer more convincingly.
Pictured: Battleship (2012) Photograph: Universal Pictures/Sportsphoto Ltd/Allstar
Old rock stars have the choice of buying a trout farm or starring in ill-advised Chesney Hawkes films and the Highlander TV series. Roger Daltrey did both. Greedy.
Pictured: Buddy's Song (1991) Photograph: Rex Features/Moviestore Collection / Rex Feat
One scene in an episode of Sex and the City. A cameo in Crank: High Voltage. Fat Slags. That’s all of Geri Halliwell’s acting career. Oh, and she was in Spice World. I rest my case.
Pictured: Spice World (1997) Photograph: Rex Features/Moviestore Collection / Rex Feat
